disciplining a two year old... but how?!

[charlielouie]

My daughter is just two and reading the messages on this board I'm staring to realise that the acting out she does is 'normal' for her age. She has such a strong personality and seems to know what she wants. I'm quite relaxed and tend to give in to her needs but realise that this isn't ideal. When I do say no tantrums can last up to forty five minutes, complete with ringing in my ears screaming (from her-- not me )

I had a friend come over some months ago (she teaches pre-schoolers) and she put Renie on the naughty step... I was a little aghast. My father yesterday let her scream on the kitchen floor while he insisted he wasn't watching television with her and 'refused to be bullied by her'.

I'm not a rules and routine type of woman but should I be stricter? And what happens if I'm not? Will she turn into a she devil as an adult?

I think you should parent her the way you want to, not the way other people think you should.

At 2 I would not worry about the odd tantrum, although if they were often/frequent you might want to think about changing something.

I suspect if you try to do more "discipline" it will just be more stressful for both of you.

Thank you TBC, anyone in future who tries to discipline my daughter without my say so will be put on the naughty step themselves! I'm going to trust my instincts more.

If you don't mind always giving her what she wants then carry on as you are. However, bear in mind that she has to live with other people and she won't always be able to have everyhting she wants. This is a hard lesson to learn, but is easier taught to younger children.

Tantrums are your childs way of showing anger/ frustration etc at things not going the way she wanted, and if you give in then she knows to do it next time she wants something. My DD1 is 2, and I NEVER give in, and sometimes come across as a bitch because of it

I do agree that she is too young for the naughty step, but I wouldn't worry too much about tantrums.

Agree with grapes.
My DS (2.8) is also very strong willed and not averse to showing it. As long as it's not completely unreasonable, I also tend to let him go his own way BUT If I say no, I mean it and stick to my guns. After all, he's only little and hasn't much clue of what behaviour is acceptable and what isn't, it's up to me to teach him that.

I find it's generally about picking your battles - some things are just not worth the tantrums, whilst others are. Distraction and if all else fails, ignoring the tantrum.

I can appreciate that sometimes disciplining can be stressful, but in the long term it will be worth it - IMO if you don't discipline now when its needed, it will be much, much more stressful as the child gets older.

For really bad behaviour, like lots of people, we use a "naughty spot" in our house and we had an intense day or so where everything turned into a tantrum and resulted in use of it. BUT after this "introductory" period, we really rarely have to use it (sometimes only once a week) because he's got the idea that there is a consequence for his actions. He seems loads happier and settled and we're much happier with less tantrums and not having to resort to it !

Thank you all MNs. This is all very helpful, I appreciate it. I'm not going to use the naughty step yet but I am going to try to find a healthy balance between frightening disciplinarian and doormat. I'll let you know how I get on, cheers