advice on getting ds to share/play with others?

[verybusyspider]

he's just 4 yrs this week and at preschool has 2 younger brothers and can't share for toffee if left with them on his own, apparently this is replicated at school so he needs 'adult support' to play nicely.
Any advice on how to get him to play with others without just being the referee? I'm at a loss on how to 'teach' him and he starts reception in september

You could try introduce a timer (where practical). If there is a toy that they each want to play with then allow one child to play with the toy for a certain time (keep it short) and when the timer goes they pass it on to their sibling. You'll need to explain this to them carefully so they understand what they are doing and why.

Also I've just been reading a book about raising happy children and it talks about the "stand and think" and "dealing" method of discipline. Eg. if he won't share you remove him from the play to a place where he can stand, like the corner of the room (not isolation), and think about what he has done. When he has finished ask him if he is ready to deal. Question him about what he did wrong, what he should have done and what he is going to do to show you he has learnt from it, eg. he should be answering by saying he is going to share with his siblings. As he is not used to this he may fight it at first but be consistent and don't give in to him.

Hope that helps.

My DS is a bit like this and I do find that being a referee is what works! I sometimes do the thing with the timer as well and children seem to understand this quite well. When DS looks like he is going to treat the child he is with badly, I go and sit with them so I can stop him if he is about to hit or something or snatch a toy. I tell him what he should say eg "say please can I have a turn of that toy after you". It is frustrating when as soon as I go away a fight starts, and you can't always be there when you have other things to do can you, but I'm hoping he is gradually getting it.

ordinary I guess my concern is at home I can either be there or have a certain amount 'leaving them to sort it out' but its not going to make him any friends at school

irons the time out spot has been transformed to 'thinking spot' as I was fed up with the negative sending him on time out all the time - its just the corner of the room, he either thinks its hillarious and trys to get his 2.5yr old brother to join him or goes briefly before coming back and says sorry, playing nicely for a bit then doing something else silly - its never the same thing twice

I'm at my wits end - today I confiscated his bike and banned telly, had an amazing day with him (although he had to be removed from playing with the farm as he kept hording the animals for no reason) maybe only threats will work but I really don't like it, I hate doing reward stuff, sharing and playing nicely should be basic stuff...