dd is 2.10 and so rude

[familyfun]

dd has always tested the boundaries but seems to be getting worse.

she is arguementative and seems to enjoy it. sometimes she makes a statement and when we agree she argues the opposite point

when asked to come over or stop doing something she never cooperates, she always says no or in a minute or im busy colouring etc.

at the dinner tabel she fidgets constantly, getting up and down, kneeling up sitting down, pushing me or dp with her feet, banging her spoon, talking/singing loudly, saying yuk to things. dp has now put her back in a highchair till she sits properly but this has backfired as she says she likes it.

every time we leave the park she has a massive tantrum, says no, runs off and has to be carried out kicking and screaming despite being given a 10 min/5min warning.

she has to be reminded of please/thankyou most of the time.

when strangers speak to her she ignores them, even people she knows like neighbours so she appears sullen.

she shouts in public, no i wont, leave me alone, stop dragging me (when being removed from park) and people stare because she sounds so rude.

her behaviour is embarassing and its getting to the point of us not wanting to take her for meals etc.

is this all normal and how should we handle it.

atm i get down to her level and tell her she is being rude and if she continues she is removed from the situation or put alone in a room till she calms down but its all day everyday and she talks/moves 100% of the time.

I think it's totally normal tbh.

Oh so totally normal If you are really fed up, I could offer a swap with DD2, who is 2.10 in 3 weeks' time. But I can guarantee you'll want to swap back by the end of the day

DD2 shouts & screeches. She says she's "too busy" or "not finished". She turns her back to you and blows raspberries with a big grin on her face.

She refuses commands to sit on the naughty step unless I threaten a worse punishment, and even then she'll wait until I've finished counting to 3 before scuttling on to the step - where she starts singing songs and playing with shoes, etc.

It's just the age.

i feel like having a separate dinner for me and dp as she gives me indigestion every nigt saying dd sit down, dd stop banging, dd talk quietly, dd stop wiping your fork down the tablecloth/your top, dd watch your drink, etc.

Welcome to the wonderful world of two year old daughters.

Sounds bang on normal to me: it goes from the terrible twos, to "three-nagers", then the f*cking fours apparently.

Lots to look forwards to

oh well thats cheered me up

LLUA - f**king fours Love it! I'll just get up off the floor now.

Completely normal exhausting isn't it. dd is 2.6 and is just now getting the please and thank yous mostly without prompting.

I just pick the arguments which are the most important to me tackle it and move onto the next. We are currently going through everything being difficult when leaving the house/being out of the house. So have missed or cut short quite a lot of outings in the last few weeks to toddler group etc. This is really annoying because it was one area I always relied on that once in public in an interesting place (i.e. not the supermarket/shops etc) she would be fairly good.

Like yours she's back in a highchair but it does pull upto the table so it's not a bad compromise.

Deep breaths and persistency is the only way I can see to deal with it.

god she is hard work.
had a good morning at toddlers and then after lunch we went to the park, she was swinging for ages then asked to get out and was pushing the empty swing. after ages a little girl came and asked for a turn and so i said to dd let the little girl have a turn now as you have had ages and we will come back after, she had a screaming strop shouting no and holding onto the swing refusing to loose. i picked her up and sat her on a bench and told her she had to sit there and calm down and after a minute she said sorry kissed me and played lovely for an hour.
but tonight she has bellowed at dp come here now in the garden which is so embarassing. she refused to walk upstairs for her bath, refused to get in the bath and had to be put in kicking and screaming, refused to get out the bath and has been playing dp up asking for a wee when she should be asleep then not doing one when took to the toilet.
how do i ignore when she wont walk upstairs or down or get on/off the toilet?

Oh God. DD is 2 on Thursday. Wish I hadn't read this thread!!

DD is 3.2 and much the same. She is such a stroppy teenager at times, then super cute and adorable the next minute.

It's all - I don't want to share! I don't want to go out! I tired. I need a carry. I not a baby I'm big aren't I mummy?

And she tries to be so bossy...but you HAVE to mummy! NOW!

I gather it's normal, if very very tiresome. DH still thinks we need to 'fix it' I have said he is welcome to try

It helps if you try to separate actual bad behaviour from behaviour that you feel is trying.

"she is arguementative and seems to enjoy it. sometimes she makes a statement and when we agree she argues the opposite point"

Try to relax and enjoy it, store up some of her most bizarre arguments to tell at her wedding dinner. It does not mean that she will turn into the teenager from hell. Besides, quite frankly- the world needs people who question things. My dd was exactly the same and (once she had learnt to keep it within socially acceptable bounds) grew into a very interesting person to talk to.

"when asked to come over or stop doing something she never cooperates, she always says no or in a minute or im busy colouring etc."

Yup, you can never ask a 2yo to do something directly, they need to be given warning ("We're going in 5 minutes' time; when you've finished that picture; after I count to 50"). They may need further help to tear themselves away- like waving bye bye to the swings.

"at the dinner tabel she fidgets constantly, getting up and down, kneeling up sitting down, pushing me or dp with her feet, banging her spoon, talking/singing loudly, saying yuk to things. dp has now put her back in a highchair till she sits properly but this has backfired as she says she likes it."

Try to sort these into behaviours that you want to change immediately, behaviours that you want to change over time and behaviours that don't really matter, at least for the time being. I would clamp down on pushing, correct her gently when she says "yuk" and ignore the singing (for the time being, doesn't mean you won't deal with it later). And if she likes sitting in the highchair, let her.

"every time we leave the park she has a massive tantrum, says no, runs off and has to be carried out kicking and screaming despite being given a 10 min/5min warning."

That you may just have to live with. It won't last forever. Am not now carrying a screaming 13yo.

"she has to be reminded of please/thankyou most of the time."

Yes, and that is your job, to do gentle prodding without losing your temper and making her feel there is something unpleasant about pleases and thank yous.

"when strangers speak to her she ignores them, even people she knows like neighbours so she appears sullen."

Normal and quite likely due to shyness. I was exactly like that and I have not grown up into an antisocial loner. If you give her time to come round instead of pressing her, it will pass all the quicker. In the meantime, just keep modelling how much you enjoy talking to different people, let her see that it is fun and not scary.

"she shouts in public, no i wont, leave me alone, stop dragging me (when being removed from park) and people stare because she sounds so rude."

I feel your pain. But it will pass.

"her behaviour is embarassing and its getting to the point of us not wanting to take her for meals etc."

I do get the feeling that you worry a lot about being embarrassed by her. Try not to- most people have seen 2yos before; they won't be judging you. Very few of us are able to impress other people with out beautifully behaved toddlers; it's one of those dreams that you have to let go of.

sounds very normal.

when you described the dinner table scene, I did rather think "poor DD" though - she isn't yet 3 and table manners aren't going to happen overnight. It sounds as though she is being told to stop doing something every 5 seconds - don't push, don't bang, don't fidget, don't say yuk, don't get down .... can you just try to ignore that behaviour, you and dp chat to each other, ask her questions and talk to her about her day or looking at things out of the window, asking her about colours or anything she is interested in - so you are giving her attention for stuff that is not the bad behaviour rather than all the annoying stuff, which ends up being the focus of meal times.

ds is often like this at the table but I find myself getting bored of my own voice saying "don't don't don't" all the time and suddenly realise how that must be for him being constantly criticised and not up to standard, so try to reset myself into a more positive interactive frame of mind and put table manners to one side for a while (not allowing really awful behaviour of course!)

Yeo Normal! My ds is exactly the same with making a statement and then almost arguing with himself about it and getting irrate if we agree one way or the other, we basically just ignore it.

He is 2.9 and has just about grown out of the screaming and crying when leaving the park etc, we give him warnings like you do that we will be leaving in x amount of time but we explain to him that we expect him to behave nicely and be a good boy so we can come back to the park (or wherever) again another day, knowing that he's been such a good boy and had so much fun. It seems to work now his understanding has developed a bit. Genrally he is pretty good when leaving places now.

Meal times at home are much as you discribe, fidgeting, easily distracted. Going out for meals, my ds is exactly the same, up and down, kneeling, banging etc, I assume it's pretty normal and I rarely see any other 2 yr olds acting differently to be honest. I just ignore it an let him eat in his own way (providing he is not deliberately throwing food or spilling things which again he seems to have grown out of for now!). I tend not to go out for many meals with him because small toddlrs don't really tend to enjoy it, it's more of an adult socialising thing which kids are bound to find boring and get fidgety.

Not talking to strangers, VERY COMMON! My friend's 4 yr old is still like this. They just don't understand social etiquette (sp??) or understand what they are meant to say. My ds can be like this with even his grandad, if he's not in the mood or simply overwhelmed, I just asnwer for him and he will comearound when he's ready. She is very young and her social skills will come in time.

All 2 yr olds need reminding to say please and thank you surely! My ds is pretty good with thank you's but pleases are very rare without being prompted.

All sounds fine. Just carry on, she will grow out of it!

My dd is like this, if she won't come with me when we are out, I usually say "Bye then" and start to walk away, and she comes running, so far it still works! I always try to give advance notice of changing what we're doing too. If she's throwing a wobbler at me, I try my best to say " I'm not going to stay and listen to you be like that", or similar and walk away, it's hard not to stay and chat back at her, but it usually makes her worse if I do, walking away shows her that kind of behaviour gets ignored. Doesn't always work, and sometimes I don't have the patience for it, but it works better if I can.

thank you all for replying!
i agree that all dd hears is me saying dont do this dont do that and i try to ignore when she bangs/pushes at the table but she gets louder/harder or literally sings/shouts/screams at the top of her voice till one of us has to tell her to stop.

we have had a lovely day, she had an hour at her nans (where she is good as gold) then went to the park, went out for a meal where she didnt eat much but we let her get on with it and only told her off when she tried to get down and crawl under the table, then played in all afternoon. difference was dp was here so she had attention off one of us all day. she plays up more when i have to do a job and she gets bored of helping.

i will try to ignore more and accept it as 2yr old behaviour.

i do feel people judge me, like when she shouts no i wont people stare and ive even had old ladies tut and comment and it makes me feel like ive done something wrong.

im not embarassed of dd, i love her more than anything, but her behaviour makes me feel bad like ive messed up on bringing her up.

when she is out at playgroups and classes she is good as gold, people comment how good and sensible she is and she plays lovely with other children, its really just with dp and me that she tests us.

Yes, they're always good for other people, nothing is more annoying than my mum saying how dd always sits still while she combs her hair whilst it can sometimes take two of us to hold the wailing banshee when we do it!