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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

MY BABY WONT SLEEP :(

16 replies

YummyMummy17 · 23/05/2010 21:13

Hey guys ! Im needing some advice on how to get my 10month old son to sleep at night....
So Leon at 7.30-8.00 cuddles into mee and gets his bottle, and falls asleep in my arms, I leave him for 10mins and take him up to his cot (which is in my room as i only have a 1bedroom till i get my new house this summer) as soon as I put him down, Leon wakes stratght away screaming for 'mummy' he crys for so long I just cant listen to him be upset and i cuddle him back to sleep. when he finaly goes down, he gets up around 3-4 hours later crying so so hard, I end up hjaving to pick him up and cuddle him into me and he sleeps next to me. Every night without fail this is happening, I am unable to function during the day and its gone on way too far. PLEASE give me advice and TIPS to try get him to sleep right through the night?!

Thanks

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kalo12 · 23/05/2010 21:20

well my ds was exactly same in fact he woke up every two hours till he was about 23 months. he has never slept through, and i know many many babies that don't. its so tough , i know. i think 16 months was the low point for me. i think you are doing brilliantly cuddling him back to sleep. which i could give you some useful advice. i think just going with the flow is the only way.

my sis has got four kids, i said to her my ds doesn't sleep, she said ' babies don't' i said what can i do. she said ' nothing' and since then i have just relaxed about it. we co sleep and my dh sleeps in another room and i went back to work full time at 18 months.

hope you can rest

thisisyesterday · 23/05/2010 21:27

like Kalo, once I accepted that my baby was just being a baby and was going to keep doing this it seemed easier to cope with

my middle child woke hourly on average, until he was about 10 months old, then started going a little longer. he has only started sleeping through reliably in the last few months, and he is 2.5 now!!!

i think in the grand scheme of things it isn't so bad, and it isn;'t such a long time. do what you need to do to get him to sleep.
if he sleeps better in bed with you then do that

KissWithAFistula · 23/05/2010 21:27

My second was like this, would hold him until he was asleep, then slowly put him in his cot. Would then hover in a cramped, hunched position for 10 minutes whilst trying to extract my arm from under his head and.....Waaah!

Start again.

Eventually, I would pop him in his cot awake in the day and play with him. Then tidy the room, popping in and out so that he knew I was around. Making the time away from his cot/ out of the room longer and longer.

After a couple of days I noticed that his sleep routine was getting easier.

It gets better - I promise

KissWithAFistula · 23/05/2010 21:29

Should point out that I left him in cot for 10 minutes on his own. Didn't just swan off for a couple of hours!

Original poster

YummyMummy17 · 23/05/2010 21:46

Thanks for everyones relpys ....

but, Ive heard a couple of methods to get your baby to sleep through... like, leave them to cry untill they fall asleep, Or just go in and lie your baby back down, and walk out the room... or put your baby in his cot drowsy but not fully sleeping or get them attached to a cuddly toy...
Has anyone had any joy with these? any methods would be helpful?

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 23/05/2010 21:52

personally i wouldn't do anything that involves leaving them to cry. babies cry for a reason and it's the only way of telling you they need you
to ignore that is to teach them not to bother because no-one will come.

I did use the no-cry sleep solution with ds2. we did it until he was sleeping better, but not until he was sleeping through, though i think if we'd persevered it would have worked totally.

worth a read anyway, you can buy the book on amazon, it's by elizabeth pantley

NobleFrangipani · 23/05/2010 21:56

We used no-cry as well with dd, and it worked well. It's gentle, and can take a while, but will be a pleasant transition for your baby from being cuddled to sleep. To start with, you might cuddle him until he's drowsy, and tell him a few times "I'm going to put you into bed, and then I'm going to pat your back and stay with you until you're fast asleep" - you'll be surprised how much they understand at this age. Then put him down when he's almost asleep, and stay, stroking his back and talking to him until he's conked. Keep this going for a few nights until he's happy with it, then put him down more awake, etc. After a while you should be able to reduce what you do to get him to sleep, and be able to move further away from him.

FSB · 23/05/2010 22:11

we've had some success with the baby whisperer technique on DD (10mo). she has always been a terrible sleeper and, until a few weeks ago, hadn't slept through the night ever. now she sleeps generally better but also goes through the night more often than not. it's not been a magic wand, but we did make big steps to improving her sleeping and getting her to settle herself.

good luck - i feel your pain!

CarGirl · 23/05/2010 22:16

Pick Up Put Down does work but it will take time and patience.

You cuddle him until he is relaxed but put him in the cot awake.

He cries, pick him up & cuddle until calm again

Put him in the cot awake

He cries, pick him up & cuddle until calm again

Put him in the cot awake

He cries, pick him up & cuddle until calm again

Put him in the cot awake
etc until he is in the cot awake and not crying and goes to sleep.

It could take a hundred times to achieve it for the first week or so.

You have to see it as gently showing him that it's okay to go to sleep on his own, he doesn't need you to be holding him.

Or you can just co-sleep if you prefer.

Original poster

YummyMummy17 · 23/05/2010 22:19

FSB.. can you tell me how to do this technique ?

Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

YummyMummy17 · 23/05/2010 22:22

co-sleeping, i have been doing it for months and it is no good anymore. Im worried about him falling out my bed as he is getting older, etc... this can also lead to bed hopping when he is older. I need a method that teaches him he can sleep, through the night, without me or his dad. Thanks for everyones replys !

OP posts:

Tryharder · 24/05/2010 01:24

I personally don't think it's natural for babies to sleep alone and that most forms of sleep training are cruel and just teach the baby that they can cry and no-one comes.

Only my opinion of course.

What I would do? Just sleep with him. Put him between you if you are worried about him falling or get one of those guards that attach to the side of the bed.

I co-slept/sleep with both of mine, cuddled to sleep etc. My nearly 2 year old is still with me but my 5 year old sleeps fine through the night in his own bed and doesn't wake up or bed hop.

Relax.

heth1980 · 24/05/2010 07:26

Tryharder.......I don't think there's any form of sleep training that leaves them to cry so they think no one is coming tbh. The whole point of pick up put down is that you pick them up when they cry, and other methods such as the Baby Whisperer doesn't involve leaving them at all.....you stay in the room with them. Controlled crying can mean leaving them to cry for a couple of minutes, but I wouldn't have said that was cruel....I have a 14 wk old and a 23 month old and sometimes I have no choice but to leave the baby to cry for a few minutes whilst I deal with the toddler....are you saying that's cruel and if so I'd love to know what the alternative is.......

Sorry if it sounds like I'm having a go, I'm really not.......just a difference of opinion I suppose. Oh and I haven't used any of the sleep training techniques by the way......I just don't see the problem with them if you are at your wits end and haven't slept for months (or years........)

CarGirl · 24/05/2010 11:49

With Pick Up and Put Down I didn't leave the room at all, just sat by the cot so I was on hand to pick up and put down.

Travellerintime · 24/05/2010 13:57

My ds (nearly 2.5) has only just started sleeping through some of the time, so I'm hardly an expert on sleep. But dd (5.5) has always been a brilliant sleeper, even as a baby.

I totally sympathise re lack of sleep - having had nearly 2.5 years of it, it is really awful. But my experience with my dc showed me that some dc just sleep better than others, no matter what you do. You can certainly try sleep training methods and they can work, but not always. Like some of the others have said, IMO sometimes it's easier to just go with the method where you get some sleep eg co-sleeping, and accept that things will improve as they get older.

I also read the No-cry sleep solution - from this, I got the idea of putting a mattress next to ds's mattress in his room. Now if he wakes I just go and lie next to him, so if there's any bed-hopping, it's just me, and he hopefully continues to get the message that his bed is a safe place.

Al1son · 24/05/2010 19:58

If you think about why your baby is crying you might have a better idea of how to deal with it.

He needs to be feel safe and secure to get to sleep (don't we all?). At the moment he only feels that safety in your arms. When he wakes and you are gone he's scared. Everybody wakes several times a night and gets themself back to sleep. If you want him to be able to fall asleep in his cot he needs to start feeling just as happy and safe in there as he does in your arms so he can just go back to sleep.

The different strategies like sleeping next to the cot, gradual withdrawal, picking up and cuddling are all ways of getting him used to being in the cot and discovering that it is a safe, happy place where he can relax and sleep. You need to work out what feels like the best method for you and your child.

Whatever you choose make sure you are consistent, calm and loving and always focus on making the cot a happy place.

Sleep deprivation is the worst. I had two years before DD1 slept through for the first time. It does happen in the end but it can feel like it's a long time coming.

I hope you get some relief soon.

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