Nearly 3 year old having terrible tantrums at bedtime and generally being quite minxy...

[Feedtheducks]

and I'm just not sure how to deal with it. as i type, dp is in her room with her and she's screaming at full tilt No No No. Until a couple of weeks ago she had (finally) settled into a really regular and trouble free bedtime routine where she was often asleep at 7 and no later that 7.30. The last few nights she's just been up and down and seemingly not tired and just impossible to get down before 9pm.

During the days she's also being a lot more minxy, running off down the road, pushing her baby brother over and laughing, throwing things around. Not agressively, just cheekily, always with cackles.

We don't know what to do. We're trying to be very clear about boundaries and what behaviour is acceptable and what is not, but it's the reinforcing of that that just seems impossible...

help!

how old is her brother? Could be related.

does she still have a nap? if so, i'd think about dropping it...

You are right to keep with the boundaries..

reinforcing - needs to be if you do x, then y will happen. then if she does x, y needs to happen. so it is crucial that y is small and manageable. give a chance to redeem herself and try again - quite soon after at this age.

eg, youneed to get into bed now, or i am going to leave the room.
leave. wait.
then go back and try again.

Above all, remember she is very small and doesn't mean to annoy you so much! Sometimes working out WHY they are being 'minxy' can help, I think (eg ahhhh, because mummy is busy dealing with baby...)

Add more exercise, remove any reaction to bad behaviour (just pretend not to notice the screaming/being a bugger) and make special time for her.

But yes being a little sod is something you will be experiencing for a while. DD has past the worst of it now I hope (she's 3.7).

Thanks Adair. He's 8 months. Months 1 to 4/5 were quite tricky - she was sleeping badly and not herself in the day, but I'd say the last three to four months she's settled really well into having him around. He's just started crawling so maybe more of a real person therefore threat? But the moments of aggression towards him don't seem jealous or angry just minxy and kind of I can so I will.

She started dropping daytime nap dead on two and has now been months without having one...

I keep trying to think how I'd feel if she weren't the first child, ie i'd know this stuff would pass and so i'd be more relaxed about it.

I'm finding the if you do x then y happens really hard to be consistent about. I'm not sure what the y should be. Any ideas?

She's asleep now after a hellish tantrum. I guess it is very hot tonight. It's certainly been making me feel a bit hot and grumpy...

Thanks whomovedmychoc. trouble is what if the bad behaviour hurts someone or puts herself in danger (e.g. pushing baby over or running away down the road) - i try stern talks but she just laughs and laughs and laughs.

Then you remove her and ignore her reaction totally. So for example, runs into road, take her home with no comment. Hits brother 'no, we don't hit' and off to her room with no comment. Makes her life extremely dull if she doesn't stop being horrible.

Of course you do need to pay a lot of attention to the good stuff she does!

could she be coming down with a bug?

DD tends to become grumpy/argumentative/tantrumy/general misbehaving a couple of days or so before she becomes unwell?

Babba I've been wondering if it's a growth spurt, for similar reasons.

Choc, remove her to her room and then what? We've done that but then she just runs out again, giggling.Actually that's not true, we've had some success with taking in there and saying why we have etc etc. But just removing her she'd just laugh and run straight back...

the y needs to be a natural consequence (or as near as). So if she is drawing on the table, if you draw on the table again, I will take the pen away. Or if she pushes baby over, you don't want him near him so 'if you push him, I will put you over there' (ie away) and then ignore her for a bit. It doesn;t have to be massive. Just that if yo say you will do it, you will.

For running into the road, I'd probably say she'd have to go in buggy/be carried/hold my hand. Try to distract her into being 'good' too. So then right, let's walk - ooh look, can you see those flowers...

Thanks Adair. We're kind of doing all that. I guess the fact that it doesn't seem to be making any difference whatsoever makes it feel a bit fruitless and like we don't have any control and I feel sometimes like she knows that. She's also very wingey and whiny. "no, now!" is her catch phrase.

(By the way she is also delightful and funny and a real pleaseure a lot of the time!)