Bedtime disaster ds 2 years

[tummytickler]

I really hope someone can give me some instructions to sort this out. DC4 is a nightmare at bedtime - he is nearly 3 years and is still awake now, sitting next to me on the sofa. dh is out.
All other 3 dc's have been great at bedtime - ds was too, until I started doing night shifts last year. I think dh has allowed him to stay downstairs when not sleeping so he does not wake his brother (they share a room).
Now ds will not go to bed, he stays up until he falls asleep on the floor and then we carry him to bed. I am still doing a few nights, but go down to one a week soon.
I need to sort this out - and I know you are going to say lazy parenting, that is what I would have said too, but I have just been trying to put him to bed fro 3 hours with no luck.
I dont know how to start. I need dh on side, but every time we agree on something he just abandons it when it suits him (no naps in daytime for eg).

The dc's are all going to my parents for a night over half term and i am going to put him up a bed (cot bed is still at cot setting), paint the room, and just do it up a bit to make it a bit special for both the ds's in the hope that he will want to go to bed, but I am sure that is not enough. How do I get him to go to bed?
The other dc's are all in bed at between 7.30 / 8, but ds is a nightmare.
I am angry with dh as I feel it is his fault, but i know I ABU.

What would you do, or what works for you?

It might be the heat, perhaps? DS is doing similar (19 months) - but he has just dropped a nap which has worked to an extent.

You need to get DH onside, really. If he abandons the plans when it suits him then can you get him to deal with the fallout?

We both work crazy hours unfortunately, so we are not necessarily both here for bedtime (hardly ever in fact).
The heat has definately made it a bit worse, but it has been going on for a while now. It started when dh used to bring him downstairs in the middle of the night when he woke up and I was at work, and has just got worse and worse.

You really need to get your DH to agree and stick to a plan. I would suggest putting him down at a certain time and constantly putting him back when he gets up. No talking or engaging him. Just put to bed, shut the door and leave until he gets the message. It may take time and a lot of patience as he is used to getting his way and coming downstairs, particularly with your DH, but I see this as being the only way to break that habit. Start it and stick to it. The minute you give in, your DS will know that if he carries on long enough he will get to come down again.

Have you read Jo Frost (super nanny) technique on getting child to stay in bed? Its for a child in a bed it can get out of. Did you say he's still in a cot. Could be a good thing, though may seem like maddness. He should enjoy the new independece
Its basically this:
Do normal bedtime stories/kisses/cuddles etc Say night night see you in the morning.
When he gets up say firmly say "Bed time, poppet" (or similar!)Take him back to bed and tuck in.
The second time say firmly bed time. Take back to bed, tuck in.
The third time and all susequent times there's no talking no eye contact just put back in bed and covers up.
This process can go on for hours a night and will likely only show results after about 2-3weeks.