Where am I going wrong? DS (12m) is driving me insane, can they be naughty on purpose at this age?

[PirateJelly]

I know it's only a phase, but for gods sake it seems to be a phase 28 days out of 30. I don't know if i'm doing something wrong here or if it is normal for 1 year olds to behave like this. Today has just been so draining, he started crying the minute he got up, all because he wanted to go out in the garden like yesterday. Obviously I had some things to do first and didn't fancy going outside at 7am anyway! It was literally one screaming tantrum after the next.

Ds only seems happy if he's doing the one thing he really shouldn't be doing, and will throw a massive tantrum that can last for upto an hour, per occassion I say no. The tantrum can continue this long untill he completely forgets what he was screaming about or I give in, distraction only works for about 2 minutes and then he starts again

I've tried to make the house and garden as baby safe as I can yet he always finds something naughty to do. He climbs onto the back of the sofa and nearly falls off everytime, he climbs onto the cabinet to get the laptop, turns the fire on, turns the tv off,climbs the bookcase, rips anything he finds, eats stones and birdpoo in the garden, climbs on the garden chair so it nearly tips backwards, tries to climb out of the bath and onto the sink repeatably

I know these sound like normal things for someone his age to do, but it's not a few times a day he does this, it is literally constantly and everytime he is told no and moved away the tantrum starts, it just goes on and on.

He has plenty of toys to play with, I interact with him all day (so don't think it's for attention, because I often ignore his tantrums)we go out most days and I try to involve him in everything I do, like letting him play with pans if I'm cooking etc.

I think maybe I just needed to rant and I'm not sure there is anything anyone can do because I know he is too young for anything other than 'no' and removal from what he's doing, but I have been in tears today, it just feels like I have a really difficult child and he's getting worse.

I have a 13 month old and a 3 year old boy and I promise you, yours sounds normal! It will pass.

He isn't being naughty, he is just learning and inquisitive.

He is probably really intelligent. Seriously! Clever toddlers are hard work. Always into everything, curious about everything and not easily distracted or fooled like those other dopey little angels

Do you manage to get out and about with him much? Might take the pressure off both of you if you can take him to the park or softplay or anywhere that he can rampage and 'get up to mischief' freely.

I know the 'phase' thing is annoying, so won't bother with all of that, but it may well be that once he is able to be a bit more independent - e.g. walking/talking/playing alone for short periods - he will ease up on you a bit.

I'd also say - try and limit your expectations of what he 'should' be like at this age. I have two extremely different children (one was a lot like your son as a toddler), and you realise that there isn't really any 'normal'. It is tiring to have a high maintenance child, though, so do go easy on yourself, too. Do you get a break now and then?

Thankyou for the quick responses.

I do take him to soft play, but rather than play in the play area he would rather pull the chairs over in the seating area or lick peoples shoes

To be honest AndieWalsh I don't really have any expectations of him, it's just when I talk to other mums about it they look at me like I'm making it up, he just drives me insane. I don't get a complete break from him very often because dp works loads of hours, but he will play with him as soon as he comes home and ofcourse he's good as gold for him. It just seems to be me he is naughty for.

You know he does sound normal and intelligent too (if that makes sense!!). I had a similar thing with my first DS who was very demanding, active and inquisitive and wanted my attention all the time. I thought at the time that I was being really consistent but I know now that I wasn't. I often hesitated before deciding whether or not he could do something and because he was clever that moment's hesitation was enough for him to feel insecure about my response. I offer this as is and do not assume that you are doing the same as me....

btw, he is now a gorgeous, 12 nearly 13 year old and I have imperfectly parented him throughout!!

Good luck.

You know he does sound normal and intelligent too (if that makes sense!!). I had a similar thing with my first DS who was very demanding, active and inquisitive and wanted my attention all the time. I thought at the time that I was being really consistent but I know now that I wasn't. I often hesitated before deciding whether or not he could do something and because he was clever that moment's hesitation was enough for him to feel insecure about my response. I offer this as is and do not assume that you are doing the same as me....

btw, he is now a gorgeous, 12 nearly 13 year old and I have imperfectly parented him throughout!!

Good luck.

Sorry didn't mean to post that twice. I am very tired!!

I've got nothing helpful to say other than I could have written your post, OP. It's bloody hard work, isn't it? I swear my DS (13 months) could find something to break or hurt himself on in an empty room.

He is slowly learning what he can and can't touch though, so maybe there is hope. In the last couple of weeks, instead of pulling all my books off the shelf, he walks up to them, wags his finger at them, to show he knows not to touch them, and goes to find something else to destroy explore.

I do the wagging finger thing too Anathema, and also the "ah-ah-ah" noise LOL. It is very cute but also head-meet-wall when they throw it back at you though!!!!!