6 year old - behaviour - at a loss at what to do?

[bojangles]

DD is 6 and the eldest of 3 children. She is clever, creative and loving but she is obviously really struggling at school and the fall out on the rest of us after school is horrid. We have started the slow process of assessing her for dyslexia as she is having difficulty with writing in particular. The school are being helpful by DD's view is that having to do any writing is just too hard and she is too tired. She is quiet and well behaved at school and I understand that it is normal for her to act up at home as she is frustated. But she is so angry - we have outbursts everyday - today she was being mean to her brother after appropriate warnings I took her inside - she threw herself back at me effectively headbutting my chin and then sreamed the most horrid abuse at me for other an hour throwing toys and trying to hit me. I had to shut her in her room and hold the door shut until she calmed down. We have tried the reward charts - she ripped it up. She suffers the consequences of her behaviour and has privileges taken away. We are doing everything we can to bolster her confidence with other outside interests but it is so hard to deal with and the only thing that works is to shut her in her room until the anger subsides but that is practically difficult as we have an 18 month old and a 4 year old and it usually happens after school when I am on my own. Does anyone have any ideas?

I think it must be a terrible frustrating time for her and so damaging to her self esteem,I think you need to visit your GP and explain the detrimental effect on her behaviour and hope that his support will help you get a diagnosis quicker.

I would try and reinforce all the good things she does and at a suitable time let her know how her behaviour affect you,perhaps you could keep a diary with her,with you doing the writing and her telling the story, in it telling of accomplishments and qualities.

I rather suspect these 'meltdowns' come about when shes tired and hungry so as soon as you collect her from school give her some fruit or even chocolate and give her time to adjust before asking about her day.

I absolutely appreciate how very hard this is for all your family we have had similar issues with our ds albeit for a different problem.

thanks Nickschick - I like the diary idea and will try that this week. I already meet her with food - wouldn't dare not to! It is hard to give her space after school to adjust because of the younger ones but grandparents and DH are enlisted to help out. I saw the GP and he has recommended the Dyslexia Assoc but they can't see us until 14th June and I guess then the holidays will be nearly upon us.

When you say you had simialr problems does that mean they have passed now? Hope he is better now.

Has she had a chance to talk about how she feels about finding writing hard, etc? It must be horribly frustrating for her at school and she needs someway to express what she is feeling and know that what she feels about school is okay. What is her teacher like? It might be worth going into school and talking to them about it, I know it's a problem at home but it's clearly linked to school. If they could try and boost her up in school for achieving things it might help. Even though an assessment hasn't been given she should be having support within the classroom in some way as they have clearly identified she has needs, even if it's in the work they give her. I would go in and find out what they are doing about it. Get hold of the SENCO (special educational needs co-oridnator)and quiz them. It sounds like her behaviour is a result of her feeling like a failure compared to her peers, are there things she does which she could take into school to show to everyone how good she is such as drawing? Probably waffling now so will stop. I wish you luck and a whole pile of gritted teeth and baring it!

Thanks knackered76 - school have been really good and helpful but I think I will see them again to discuss the problems we are having - they just see a very compliant and sweet natured girl. It is actually a real battle to get her there most mornings - refusing to get dressed etc. She has lovely friends there - I just wish she could opt out of the learning stuff for now.

Maybe you could suggest to the senco that she does opt out of some of the learning stuff for a week or so and see if it helps. If they can find something different and acheivable or her when the others are doing writing ect it might give her self-esteem a bit of a boost. Then if things improve at home after school you'll have an answer about the cause.

Thanks AL1son - thats a good idea - they have mixed classes so should be easy to orgainise.

Bo....Ds2 has M.E/cfs its been a long struggle to reach a diagnosis in the middle of it all we discovered he had really poor eyesight and a blood problem similar to anaemia.....so he had absolute exhaustion could barely see and was constantly breathless - schools way of 'support' was to put a very bright child onto SEN and make him do work way below his capabilities also there was a teacher there who was always ready to 'rough the boys up' so ds2 was a bit of a target he used to have terrible moody episodes and he was really unhappy.

I took him out of school for 2 years and 'loved' him better hes now at secondary still with similar health issues but significantly happier- and your dd will be one day soon too.

Just to update you from yesterday - I have an appt next week to talk to the head and am going to ask if they could hold off on any written work until after half term. DD has been fab today - she said she played all day! We did the diary thing and that worked well and she ended up making up stories for me to write down and read back to her at bedtime. We also wrote out a long list of why she is so special. Thanks all.