Today I was a terrible mother

[sadandashamed]

Had a massive row with my husband yesterday, sort of resolved it but it left me feeling very unhappy and drained and I spent most of today lying on the sofa stuffing my face with rubbish and generally all but ignoring my children (4,2,11m)infact I did not even get any of us dressed, let them run riot and eat crap all day long.Shouted at them a bit too which I never normally do.
I have never done this before and now they are safe in bed I feel like one of those terrible mothers on morning chat shows that have run ins with social services.
I am deeply ashamed and wondered if it was normal to have days like this.

IMO it is very "normal", especially with 3 such young children. I only have 2 (6 and 4), and I have days like this, they don't seem any the worse for it, and I'm sure your 3 aren't, either. Don't feel bad about it, tomorrow is another day (as Scarlett O'Hara would say).

I agree with Emsiewill. I think we all have days like this (don't we?) and so long as it's a one-off I don't think it hurts too much.

agree with the others, please don't beat yourself up about it, we all do have days like this - if you were the sort of bad mother you fear you have been, you wouldn't be feeling sad and ashamed. Be gentle on yourself xxxx

"Shouted at them a bit too which I never normally do."

If you never normally do this, you've certainly got nothing to worry about. Anyway, they won't remember when they're older

I am so relieved to see lots of you have responded already and that the mumsnet officials don't seem to have contacted the police!
Perhaps the reason I have never had a day like this ( although I have felt like it but always pulled myself together)is because my youngest is now at an age where he is safe in the room beside me with a pile of toys/food even if I am not actively monitoring him up close all the time, and he also slept a lot today. My eldest was definately aware something was amiss and that is probably why I feel so bad(subjecting to adult problems and forcing my child to experience adult emotions) but thanks to your support I am feeling more hopeful for tomorrow.

sadandashamed, agree with everyone, I'm sure they'll be fine, it doesn't sound that bad to me - in fact, they probably had a lovely time! Blimey, I would, staying in my pyjamas all day eating crap. It was only one day and understandable I think. I've been there too and it's not nice but give them a hug in the morning and start all over again. I hope tomorrow's better.

This is normal IMO. Tomorrow you can say to them something along the lines of "we had a bit of a strange day yesterday didn't we? Let's do something fun together today such as..." (whatever you want)
Don't beat yourself up about it, we've all done it sometime.

Totally normal, we all have bad days, and I know that now and again I have put ds out in the garden or put on a video, rather then doing something with him, which I just laze about. I used to feel guilty, but if it is not something that happens every day, just go with it. I am sure today will be a different day

Totally normal - in fact I did the same last Thursday, felt a bit guilty & nearly posted but felt too ashamed - I was totally selfish - I had two friends staying (without children) and we just sat around all day eating & drinking wine, & chatting, leaving DS on his own in front of videos non stop all day.

Don't worry - we're human!

don't feel sad and ashamed! Everyone has awful days when they feel awful and don't treat their kids as well as they'd like to or as well as they usually do. it doesn't make you a candidate for a daytime talk show. I was totally stressed off the scale & couldn't cope at all last week, and was REALLY vile to my 2. Felt like the worst mother on the planet, and on that afternoon, probably came pretty close to it.
You sound like you're doing a fab job with 3 young ones (I'm about to join your ranks, so I'm impressed with how cool you normally sound)

If you can, try to put it out of your mind. If you feel you need to do something to make yourself feel better, then bossanova's idea of an especially nice day, or what I've done, dug out my 'how to talk...' book. I feel like a new mum after just 1 chapter, and maybe a coincidence, my kids have been so adorable too, so at least some good has come from that bad day, and I feel a bit less guilty.

Monkey, what's a How to Talk... book?

I stick my 19 month old ds to bed when I'm feeling knackered and stressed - good job he quite likes sleeping, poor thing - he tends to doze off for an hour or so, which is just enough for me to re-charge my batteries!

Please dont worry, it sounds normal and certainly nothing that will have damaged your children. In fact when I went through a period of feeling very low, I used to buy a big box of chocolates and spend the afternoon under a blanket on the sofa with both kids, eating the chocs and watching Disney films. I highly recommend it as an escape route from everyday life!

I feel hideously guilty every time I have such an episode (and I'm in a small one right now ). I try to take comfort from something someone told me when I was badly PND'd: children need to know that it's OK to be unhappy and that unhappiness passes; understanding that Mummy is unhappy and that she is dealing with it, and then seeing that she's happy again is a very important learning experience for them. sadandashamed, your eldest is certainly old enough to talk to about this, in a simple and neutral way - especially so that s/he knows that it isn't their fault. And it isn't your fault either - Mums are only human and we do a relentless 24/7 job.

boyandgirl - you are spot on with your last post. My parents never ever rowed, argues or showed any form of "negative" emotion/upset at all - was great in terms of feeling happy and secure but has definitely got a down side. I find it very difficult to communicate my own emotions, find crying in front of even my DH upsetting and embarrassing and can?t get round the "stiff upper lip" mentality that seems to be hardwired into my brain. I suppose I have become a bit of an emotion-control freak and it is not a good thing at all. Children need to learn that it ok to be sad, angry, unhappy etc. and that the world won?t fall around their ears.
Personally, I think it is not only normal to have days like your sadandashamed, but it is probably quite healthy to express your emotions honestly. The important thing is how you deal with it afterwards and how you let your children know that mummy still loves them regardless of how happy or sad she is IYKWIM.

ghengis, full title cheesy How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk. it's by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. They also wrote siblings without rivalry & both are excellent.

A bit 'american' but their approach does have a dramatic improvement on the way I deal with conflicts & my children's reponses (and they're still very young). Boys been so much better behaved since I dug out the book again last week, & I don't think it's a coincidence.

I agree children need to learn t & understand that adults have negative emotions too & it's OK to be sad/angry etc. But they learn how to deal with thier own neg. emotions by copying us, so most of us need to be more aware of how we deal with our anger esp. I am certainly not in the position to critisise anyone else, esp after my loosing it last week. I am a shouter & now my son is becoming one & this saddens & shocks me, esp as I see he has learnt this ugly & out-of-control behaviour from me & esp as it's mainly directed at ds2. Since I dug out the book again last week I have not shouted at my boys once (husband not yet exempt ) and I feel much more in control and a much happier mummy.

I agree, monkey, excellent books. Of course, the downside to them is that when I don't manage to behave the way the books suggest, I feel guilty again! Oh it's sooo difficult being perfect...why on earth do we think we have to be?

Just ordered this and am hoping for miracles. I feel I have become one of 'those' mothers! The ones I used to look at in horror and vowed never to be like!