Please someone help me with my 7 year old DS?

[smugmumofboys]

I'm sat here shaking, trying not to cry.

Ds1 is upstairs telling DH that 'mummy hates me'. He has always been a demanding child - spectacular tantrums as a toddler (and beyond) but since he started Yr3 he's become unbearable.

Where to start? He's sooo emotional. He seems to want someone to be with him practically all evening until he's 'ready' to sleep.

Part of the problem is the fact that we are both teachers and have work to do of an evening (I should be writing reports atm) and when I teach evening classes DH tends to let DS stay up for a quiet life.

He is rude, aggressive, whiney etc. I've read a few 'nightmare 7 yrold ' threads here so I know that it's a phase but really I don't know what to do with him.

He's basically had DH and me up and down the stairs since 7.30. DH had calming chats with him after his bath, I read to him and had chats and then SUDDENLY his throat hurts (he allegedly had this yesterday and made a huge fuss). I gave him calpol and water. He cried when I walked away wishing him goodnight claiming that 'you don't care if I'm hurting'. He apparently can't go to sleep before 10pm. Never used to be an issue - has always been a fab sleeper.

So, he stormed out of his room screaming the house down that I didn't care (had rebuffed an offer of a cuddle). Got him at the bottom of the stairs and tried to carry him up - cue the most distressing screams (me now feeling teary). I put my hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. It probably seems bonkers but he was screaming 'ow you're hurting me' as if I were really hurting him. Again, he has previous for massively overreacting - you brush against him and you've hurt him.

Anyway, I have apologized for muffling the noise (for about 10 seconds btw) as he couldn't breathe.

He's now calling DH up every few minutes. If we don't go we have melodramatic screaming fits - I mean full-throated roars. Not just a bit of snivelling.

I'm at a loss, I really am. He's an absolute pooet really and in fact was delightful approximately 1 minute before this all kicked off.

Sorry to ramble. Any thoughts?

Poppet, of course.

ds1 same. don't you love the long summer evenings. much easier when it's dark by 6.

no answers for you, i'm afraid. (maybe let him read for 20 minutes on his own in bed to wind down?) ds1 doesn't wail though - he just kicks the wall. which drives me crazy.

ds1 has lost his nintendo until june, and been (only half) threatened with both ritalin and melatonin, so much sympathy.

dd1 went through a similar thing. she called it 'busy head', so at least we knew she just needed to wind down and relax...

Perhaps 7.30 is too early a bed time?
What time does he get up?
DS is 7 and sleeps from 9pm until 7.15am

Could you agree a time with him when he has to be in his room playing quietly or reading, so that you can get some work done, and then go up for stories and cuddles later on.

DS falls asleep at 9pm but on school nights he is in bed at 8pm (ish) when we read to him for a bit and then he reads to himself after that.

I agree, try a later bedtime, dts are 6, and go to bed at 8pm, 18 months ago they were in bed and asleep by 6pm, then it all just changed, they had me up and down the stairs for hours and would eventually fall asleep around 10pm. I put up with it for months before I realised I was perhaps putting them to bed too early, so I changed their bedtime to 8pm, now I never hear a peek from them, they are out cold within minutes

.

Is his bedtime too early? My 4 year old often has trouble settling before 8pm, especially with the lighter nights.

Could you and DH agree on a bedtime between you and tell DS it's his new bedtime as long as he behaves himself.

Thanks for replies. I treied posting earlier but kept losing connection to MN. Maybe his bedtime is too early but he's frequently awake at 6 if not before so it just feels like he isn't getting enough sleep.

Also, he doesn't do quiet reading by himself. He needs constant attention or an electronic device in his hands.

I really struggle to get anything done with him mithering.

But I will give it a go. Thank you for all your replies.

he isn't using said electronic devices in the evening, is he? they make ds1 crazy when he puts them down (but are the only way he will sit still) and they make him whiny, stroppy, and fidgety for the rest of the day. (i've read a few people suggesting they affect brain waves - can't remember why or how...) he's much calmer if he hasn't been near them at all, and has been outside doing instead.

i swear one day i will destroy the thing.

No, he isn't allowed his DS or Wii during the week.

I think DH may let him watch a film when I'm not here. Words will be had...

Also, I didn't mention the fact that DS2 (5) is going through a 'I'm too scared to go to bed in my room so I'll fall asleep on the sofa' phase?

Give me strength.

suggest you dont run up and down to his every cry, as long as you know he is safe and not hungry etc etc. he must learn he cant control you both which he seems to be successfully doing, or is something bothering him Councelling maybe for him??????

I think I'll need counselling soon.

You are definitely correct in that we shouldn't be running up and down but if we try to ignore, it escalates into an hysterical screaming and crying fit and accusations that we don't care that he is hot/hungry/scared/bored/his throat/stomach/toe etc hurts.

The strategies we used successfully when he was 3-5 no longer work. Hence me posting.

My evening work ends next week and I'm going to see if I can crack the whole bedtime thing as DH is a bit crap tbh. Got in last night from work at 9.20 to be told by DS that 'Daddy let me go on the laptop'. Electronics are forbidden during the week. DH claimed ignorance. FFS!