PLEASE tell me mine isn't the only 2.8 yr old who NEVER leaves my side !

[babydan]

OK bit of a rant here. I am not even sure if anyone can give any advice but I am so exhausted

of my toddler being on me and talking constantly and expecting an enthusiastic response from me

all the time.

I know I sound like such a mean mummy but some days I just want 5 minutes to check my email

or prepare lunch without having to have him climbing on me, asking what I am doing, telling me

he loves me and hugging my legs when I am walking.

I feel so horrid just thinking about him this way because he is so sensitive and loving but he just

exhausts every drop of energy from me every single day.

He is very emotional and just very very clingy. He tells me he loves me a million times a day which

is lovely but I sometimes worry he is just so emotionally dependant on me that he will never cope

at school next year.

He seems very easily hurt. If I am firm with him and say no his eyes fill with tears, it's not even

loud tantrumming tears, it's genuine silent tearful eyes cos he seems to take it as rejection so he

then asks 'don't you love me?' which is heart breaking. He is way too young to be even thinking that way surely.

I feel like I am constantly ressuring him that I love him, will always love him and always be there for him.

Please tell me this is normal! I can not ever watch 5 mins of tv, have a phone conversation,

clean the house as he will climb on me and demand a cuddle or ask me repeatedly to play with him etc.

I try to involve him in what I am doing, getting his little hoover out when I am hoovering,

but no he wants to help me push the big vaccuum cleaner around. He basically can not occupy

himself for 5 minutes, even when I get toys out and show him how to play, ask him to make me

something with play dough etc, he needs me to sit with him at all times or else he just follows me

about asking for my attenion.

The only time he can actually do anything alone is if I put cbeebies website games on for him

while I mop the floor or quickly do the ironing.

It's impossible to go to the toilet without him! He's always been like it but God I really hoped he'd

be growing out of it by now. I should say in some ways he is very independant, fully potty trained,

hates to be called a baby, feeds himself well. Good verbal shills. Sleeps in his own room. Just very tiring all day.

feel better just having written it down actually. I am probably just tired and feeling a bit drained!

DD is going that way. She's 2.4 and constantly by my side, sitting on me, she sleeps with me. I think out of the 24 hours a day that we are together, she is attached to me for 23.5 of them. She's also very affectionate but yes, 3 mins to go for a wee or empty the dishwasher would be good...

Watching with interest, have a 22mo DS who is very similar!

Aaah, that actually sounds quite sweet.

Does he go to a nursery ? That would be a way of getting 3 hours to yourself a couple of times a week.

DD1 was like this, she still is veyr clingy but loves school and happily goes round to friends (she is 4.2)
DD2 is like this now, really clingy, cries if I go out and leave her with DH, has hysterics if I put petrol in the car and she can't see me HOWEVER, she started playscheme one morning a week and absolutely loves it, I would never have believed it but if I am not fast I don't even get a kiss goodbye. The rest of the time she still clings.

What are thery like with your DP? I make a point of going out to tesco or whereever while she is awake so she is used to me going and coming back. But seriously, don't stress, try a playscheme thing if you can but this too will pass.

Oh, and this is why children's telly is a good thing, fireman sam means I can get washing up done without her reaching into the washing up bowl with me...

Do you make time to actually sit and play with him for a while? Sometimes if you give them proper undivided attention for 10 or 15 minutes, then they will 'allow' you to then go and do something yourself or be less involved in what they are doing. I totally understand how crap it is when you feel like you are being hunted down all the time to play, and lets face it, playing with toddlers is bloody boring a lot of the time. Agree with getting him into some kind of playgroup asap so you can have time to yourself.

Both ds' were like this, I also have a dog with seperation anxiety.

Must be my fault

lol Alouiseg! Sure it's not your fault .

Yes Pegotty I do sit and play with him, constantly.

Today after an hour of play dough together on the dining room floor, he still didn't want me to get up to cook lunch for 10 mins.

I sometimes wonder if that's the problem, he is so used to me being there and giving 100% of my attention.

He seems to go to peices without it.

No he doesn't go to nursery but we do go to toddler groups and soft play but again he expects me to trail after him every where!

Glad to know there are others like this! Thanks for the replies. All very helpful.

Oh and pegotty I could not agree more, playing with toddlers really is bloody boring isn't it?!

Hard to be enthusiastic about it.

Maybe when you're at toddlers you could tell him that this is his time to play with his friends and your time to talk to yours. Tell him what you'll be doing together later so he's reassured then just sit and chat.

If being with you becomes very boring perhaps he'll begin to wander off and explore the toys without you.

Make sure that you're able to hug him and let him sit on your lap so you're not giving him a go away message. Just let him know that if he would like to play he can but if he would like to stay with you he may be bored.

If it works and he's the one walking away he'll feel have more confidence in his ability to cope without you for a few minutes.

HTH

thanks Al1son, yes thaat is helpful. I will try again next time we go.

I do tend to try and encourage him to go play and if I do sit and chat to people he just grabs my

hand and drags me off to follow him.

I think I need to be a bit firmer but he is so loving and sensitive I don't want him to think I don't

want to be around him.

He does seem to over think things and the slightest hint of me saying 'I'll stay here, you go play

if you want to'

he takes it to mean 'bugger off and leave me alone' he really takes things personally and it's hard

to see his little face drop when he realises I want him to play without me.

I haven't experienced this personally but I know lots of Mums that have, it's very normal. Have you tried reading 'The highly sensitive child' by Elaine Aron. I'm reading it at the moment as my dd is highly sensitive and the advice is fantastic, it is very readable and reasuring that our sensitive dc's even if crying at any loud noise (mine) or clinging to your leg you are not alone.and she does offer strategies, I'm afraid the school run is calling and I've just looked at the clock!

Thanks I have heard of that book and am going to try and get it off amazon if I can! He is fairly sensitive to noise too actually,

he covers his ears or asks me to cover tham if something loud like a motor bike or an ambulance passes us.

He's always done that though and I've never really given it much thought.

I am quite sensitive to loud noises too so I suppose I thought it was normal!

Today I have tried talking to him about why mummy can't sit with him constantly and he just said 'but your my best friend'

and got all tearful. Poor little man, I can't stand upsetting him. I think that's part of he problem here!

My DS2 is like this (very nearly 3 now). He has always been the most clingy of all the children I've known (and I've known a lot!) If I go to the loo he shouts "Where are you mummy?" etc etc. He's also highly sensitive and absolutely hates being told off or being the centre of attention. However, I send him to preschool a couple of times a week, he's been going for 6 months now, and I have to say he's much better than he was (hated being left at first, but amazingly did get used to it). Just that couple of hours a week gives me my sanity back. Could your DS go to a preschool?

I think at this age you can move towards a structure to the day where you have some time where you play with him, then some time where you get some jobs done. So, get the playdough out at the kitchen table while you start cooking dinner, and tell him you will help him in 10 minutes or whatever. Will need to be quite short periods of time at his age.
If I'm trying to clean the bathroom I usually get my 2 year old to 'help' and only aim to do a bit at a time, so I don't get too frustrated when I can't finish a job.
Phone calls always end in disaster for me, with children shouting and general chaos, so if it's something that might be long I try to do it when DP is home.
Hard to tell at this age what they will be like when they are a bit older, my DS was very clingy at 2 but was fine when he started nursery at 3 despite never having left my side at a playgroup.

Quite relieved to read your post! I have a 3 1/2 year old who hasn't until very recently played with toys, and who rarely leaves my side. Not in such a clingy way as yours, but if I run up to the loo (or rather sneak out quietly in hope he won't notice) my shadow reappears within a minute.

My only coping strategies - go out as much as possible and have as many playdates as you can fit in. Playgroups just overwhelmed him so I was dragged around too. With one other child he was much better and I at least got to have a bit of a break whilst drinking copious amounts of tea with another nice mummy.

Instead of imagination led toys I found that stacking and sorting type activities engaged him for very short bursts and I spent a lot of time sitting on the floor next too him 'reading' a book, and subtley ignoring him. After a few tantrums at the beginning he did then accept that he had to get on with it on his own.

He's getting better but still hopeless at amusing himself. Quite recently he really got into time & clocks so now I tell him mummy has to do jobs for 10 mins & I hand him a watch so he can check it is only 10 mins (I'm looking forward to the day when he decides to play for 10 mins and doesn't just sit on the sofa watching the watch!).

Hang on in there,

really suggest that you talk to someone about it have you tried to talk to him bout his anxieties??? what do his drawings show???? good luck