Back at work and 11 month old still waking in the night!

[Irons]

I've tried all the hints and tips in the books :Gina Ford, Baby Whisperer, magazine articles - I've read them all! I've followed a bed time routine since she was 5 days old and we have no problem at bedtime. She goes down happy, plays for a bit in the cot then falls asleep. Every night is different. Some nights she might wake once or twice and just want her dummy and some nights she might wake and not go back to sleep for an hour, either playing or like last night just crying for an hour! I try to settle her and comfort her, I've tried doing this with her in the cot but she gets so worked up she cries so hard she loses her breath. Its just something every night and like I said no night is the same.

I just don't know what else to do. This has been going on for the last 6 months now and people keep saying its a phase. The other thing is she wakes every morning at 5am for milk and I have to settle her back to sleep after that which can take up to an hour. I need to stop with the 5am milk but don't know what to do. I'm doing it at the moment just so I can actually get some sleep!

Will she sleep if you bring her into your bed? DD is the same & we just bring her in if we can't settle her quickly - that way we all get some sleep & I can go to work without being a zombie.

It's not for ever (although it feels like it sometimes!)

Nope, I've brought her into my bed in the mornings and she thinks it's time to play!! She's never settled in my bed - I wish she would because I wouldn't mind that.

Oh no, sorry about that then!
Does your husband help out? If you're going back to work then he needs to take on some of the night shifts.
There's a lot going on at this age - always seems to be something happening to disrupt sleep. I think the only thing you can do (short of trying something like CC which might not work and might make things worse) is just plough on through and get as much sleep as you can - go to bed early, leave her playing in the night if she's happy and grab another half hour etc.

Is she moving around a lot more? Any chance she's hungry? Would an extra snack before bed or a dream feed be any use?

I have considered the hunger thing because she is a very active baby and is constantly on the move, so I've recently introduced snacks but that so far has not made a difference. I did try a dream feed once and that didn't make any difference either.

Sorry I probably sound like I'm being difficult but this is exactly my dilemma, I really have tried it all. Perhaps I am going to have to accept it and like you say just plough on.

Hubby doesn't help at the moment because he gets up for work at 4am and therefore doesn't get much sleep either.

No, you don't sound as if you're being difficult - I know how you feel. Sometimes there just isn't a solution - it's just one of those things.

I don't suppose she'd take her milk from your husband at 4am? Not a great habit to get into but at least you'd get a lie in?

The dummy might be part of the problem, but it does also sound as though she knows that if she wakes/cries then you will come in and try to settle her. We went through this with our dd and in the end I just sat next to her cot facing away while she whinged. She knew she wasn't alone or abandoned, but after a couple of nights she gave up waking up/ got better at soothing herself back to sleep.

The early wakeups, though - I would love someone to come up with a solution to this! Ours also wakes at about 5-5.30 - I just go to bed earlier!

Mrs Juan - thanks I might consider him giving her the milk before he goes especially the days when I'm going to work.

Octaviapink - I know I do loathe the dummy sometimes, but I think its more useful than it is a pain ie. the good outweighs the bad at the moment. As for the self soothing, I know that is very important. Perhaps that is something we need to work on.

Oh god- sympathies. My nine month old is similar and I'm dreading returning to work in a couple of weeks as I currently cope by not pushing myself in any way! We're doing Tanya Byron's controlled crying for the softer hearted at the moment- the one where you check and resettle every 5 mins- in a last ditch attempt to get her sleeping before I go back. Does seem to be working [guarded optimism] but we've yet to tackle the billions of post 12am wakings. Is she still in your room?

No she's in her own room - always has been because our rooms are very close so I moved her straight into her own room when we got home from hospital. I've been going for 6 months now without using controlled crying and I said I wouldn't but I might get desperate when I'm actually having to work all day.

I've not heard of Tanya Byron. I'll look her up. Although I know my DH, he can't stand to hear her cry for 30 seconds!

Oh, just looked her up and of course I know her. She did House of Tiny Tearaways.

A good dummy tip I read when DD was little was to leave lots of dummies in the cot so she could just reach out and grab one in the night - it worked beautifully.

If it's not dummy realted then at 11 months I would have gone in to show her someone was there but then left her to cry - that worked for my DD (you need nerves of steel though, it's horrible).

Regarding the 5am wake up - is her bedroom too light? That's something else that affected DD when she was around a year.

When she wakes in the night do you go to her straight away? My ds (13mo) still wakes sometimes in the night, cries out really loudly but then he will usually settle himself after a few minutes if I don't go in. If I do go in then that makes him ten times worse and he takes AGES to settle. If he does carry on and the crying gets agitated iykwim then of course I go to him (couldn't do CC!) but I usually have to bf him then in order to get him to settle but that's usually only if he's teething or is ill.

He also does the early wake up for milk (anytime between 5am and 6.30am) and haven't solved that one yet!

I haven't got the nerves of steel unfortunately but good dummy tip. I'll try that tonight.

I did consider her room was getting lighter because of the summer mornings so I've taken to putting blankets over the curtains. She's still waking at 5am but once I do resettle her I find she's sleeping a little longer so that is helping at least.

I do tend to go straight in but I try not to touch her or let her know I'm there. I sneak the dummy into her mouth and leave quickly. It's when that doesn't work that I have to go back in. I think I usually go in quickly because I'm scared she will become too unsettled and it will become difficult to resettle her.

Irons - I do the same thing with the dummy! Except I always manage to step on a stray toy or something so not very good at the sneaking.

If you spread a good number of dummies around so there's a good chance she can find one try leaving her 30 seconds before even moving out of bed - this often works for us. I've found that the really loud, sudden crying that cassel describes is when she's woken up but really wants to be asleep and the more disturbed she gets, the more she wakes up and the harder she is to settle. So if she can find her own dummy it's much better.

Hope that makes sense, it's a bit rambly!

We need to work on self soothing here too - had a slight achievement today when she went to sleep in the car without her dummy for the first time in months.

You're very skilled if you can put a dummy in her mouth without her noticing you're there! If I go anywhere near ds he seems to sense I'm there so I have to stay outside the room!

I agree with mrsjuan try leaving the dummies around if that is how she can settle herself and then try leaving her a bit longer. Good luck!

Cassell - practice makes perfect

Anyway, we had a much better night last night. I spread some dummies around. We had a 12am wake and I waited a bit then went and snuck her a dummy and she went straight back to sleep. Then a 2am wake up and I waited a bit longer and she went back to sleep! Then a 4am wake up and I had to go give her the dummy, a 5am wake up which again I waited and she went back to sleep and then she only had her milk at 6am which kept her happily playing in her cot for another half hour. So thank you all for the advice about the dummies and waiting so see if she settles herself before going in.

Another thing that could have helped is that she only had a 15 minute sleep in the afternoon because we were out and she slept in the car. Perhaps I need to put a limit on her afternoon naps so she can sleep better at night? Has anyone else tried this?

Glad you had a better night We also had a great night -she slept right through for only about the 5th time in her life! Lovely

Yes - naps definitely make a difference - it's a fine balance - not enough and she gets over tired and harder to settle, too much and she's not tired enough. We're just in the process of dropping to 1 nap a day just after an early lunch.

I find night sleep is doomed if she has a nap after about 3pm.

Aaw, I'm jeolous you had an even better night than me! It's such a great feeling when they sleep right through.

You did catch the fact that it's only about the 5th time in 12 months didn't you?
They'll all get there in the end I'm sure then we'll have something else to worry about!

I know, I'm already starting to worry about how I'm going to get her to stay in her big girl bed one day.

Very good night last night, she only started to stir at around 4:30. I won't get too excited though because sometimes this happens and within a few days we're back to all night waking

black out blinds are the answer cheap and cheerful from B&Q

Yes, light definately makes a difference. I have a black out blind and black out curtains over but there is still loads of light seeping in the sides and top so I have recently put blankets up over the windows on top of the blind and curtains and it has made an improvement. The last 2 days she slept through till 6am and then after a 40 minute cuddle went to sleep again for another hour!

hey, just wanted to say you are not alone, or according to the amount of replies you had there are quite a few of us that are quietly sufferring with the lack of sleep. my LO is nearly 9 months and is exactly the same, she never took a dummy either but is still unable to selfsooth. i am now back at work and it is hard. like yourself i've tried it all, nothing works so i am hoping it gets better soon coz i REALLY miss that blissful feeling you get after a good night sleep!!!

Thanks Amber - you're right we usually suffer in silence and only hear from the mum's who brag that their child sleeps from 7 - 7! Urgh!