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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

does your 4 yr old tell you stories?

11 replies

verybusyspider · 16/05/2010 21:54

if I ask ds a direct question he seems confused, he is very chatty about stuff he wants to talk about but if I ask him about what he has done with his day he says 'nothing' and won't play making up story games, talk about things are ask him about.

if this normal? I only ask because preschool have said he should be able to talk about things other people have initated rather than making every conversation about himself.

Any ideas how to help us do this?

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whomovedmychocolate · 16/05/2010 22:48

Maybe he's just not interested in what you are saying or what the preschool staff are saying. There is a stage of development where they get interested in how their actions relate to others and he probably just isn't quite there yet. Doesn't mean anything, development isn't linear.

TotalChaos · 16/05/2010 22:57

do pre-school have any other concerns about his understanding of language/understanding of instructions? it's not that unusual for kids coming up to school age to be reticent about talking about their day anyway -but it can be a concern if there are other areas of weakness with language. rather than ask "what did you do today", try a mixture of questions "what did your draw/eat/drink" and commenting - oh that's a great drawing - to try and draw him out about his day.

jomc25 · 16/05/2010 23:27

Concentrate on who/what/when/why type questions to focus his thoughts. It may be that the question is too "big" for him and he needs to be led more. These kind of questions will help to draw out his ideas.

Original poster

verybusyspider · 17/05/2010 19:39

Thanks for your replies, this is on a list of other things they are concerned about including being very into rountine/keeping things the same, he must, for example, always sit in the same place, I don't think its an issue, we have a good rountine at home and I think he likes things to be the same, he also has partial hearing in his left ear so I think it might be partly to do with that.

totalchaos - he does take comfort from visual cues - picture symbols they use in nursery - he seems to get upset if things aren't the way he wants rather than tantrums and the visual cues help get him back on track

I tried to get some information out of him today about preschool, eventually got that he played with playdough - I honestly am keeping the questions very simple, my next one was what colour was the playdough!

I have the stress I had some other children over for ds's birthday party on Saturday (8 at our house) and they all played together really well, he didn't seem any different to them, obviously very happy on his home turf so I'm confused as to what I need to be doing with the information nursery are telling me...
He is very happy at preschool, always wants to go and it learning loads (letters, writting, maths etc)
He was observed by SENCO on Friday who said he needs to talk more about things and topics that someone else wants him to talk about (as per post) and play more independantly as he seeks out adult 1:1 all the time

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TotalChaos · 17/05/2010 21:30

yes, I also wonder if some of this might be due to hearing loss in one of his earings - that he might be finding conversation hard because of that - interesting that he finds visual cues reassuring. my DS had language delay at this age, he would find it easier to start his own conversations than respond to others - as he only had to deal with thinking of what he wanted to say, rather than understanding others and then thinking what to say to others iyswim - I imagine a hearing problem could result in similar behaviour.

Pavlov · 17/05/2010 21:36

DD hardly talks about her day. I usually get 'don't know' or 'can't remember' in response to 'what did you eat/what did you do' I usually have to entice it out of her inch by inch with probes and directions.

She does love making up stories, but like your DS, she prefers to make up her own stories, by herself than with me, or with her instigating/taking the lead, and gets bored easily. She does do some with me too, but that does not really mean much in terms of meaning a problem with your DS, as each child reaches those milestones differently and at different times. My nephew is only just starting to talk at 3.5, so I expect he will not be making up stories with adults yet.

Do you think there is a problem? How is he in other ways, with other children, relatives etc? Do you see anything to be concerned about, or is it just what the pre-school has said?

AccidenToryOnPurpose · 17/05/2010 21:37

also - he has probably had more adult 1-1 support as a result of his hearing loss. dd2 went through a phase of thinking that she was going to nursery to play with the 1-1s, not her peers, so we asked nursery to make sure they were only helping when it was required, and not being omnipresent iyswim...

it's great that you saw no differences on home turf. i think kids with specific issues can be watched a little too closely sometimes - observation is good, and it seems as though they are keeping an eye on him without jumping to conclusions. tc's explanation of initiation/ response sounds likely.

Original poster

verybusyspider · 19/05/2010 23:10

acciden thats a really interesting point about them helping too much, when I asked ds who from school he wanted to come he named 3 boys and then 2 of the helpers...

pavlov I'm not sure there is a problem, obviously I think he's great seriously tho I'm worried they are the 'professionals' and they think there is a problem on how he will settle and therefore be able to learn in reception, I think they are saying if he is so hung up on routine, not listening to anyone else and not settling to any task without 1:1 then he won't be ready to go into a class of 30 - he's only in class of 14 now

totalchaos the hearing loss is only partial, and we've been told that its mostly likely disorinating but shouldn't affect he's overall ability or understanding, it always seems to me like he hears but doesn't understand/comprehend, is that possible do you think?

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Latootle · 20/05/2010 00:13

totalchaos, yes if one can only hear partially you definitely aren't getting all the sounds to be able to interpret things and it then becomes easier to say "nothing" really do suggest you get him seen by a ENT maybe ear wax etc. I have been deaf for a long time so do know what I'm saying good luck

TotalChaos · 20/05/2010 15:44

yes, it is possible to have a problem understanding language either instead of or in addition to a hearing problem, but I agree with Latootle, worth getting an ENT opinion on this, explaining pre-school are concerned.

btw I recently had a blocked ear due to wax for a few weeks (yes, I know yeuch, TMI), but it definitely affected my mood, and sometimes I just pretended to understand when I didn't, so even with perfect adult language hearing problems in one ear can affect communication etc.

Original poster

verybusyspider · 21/05/2010 21:05

we have seen gp and recently had hearing test, he did have a lot of ear wax, we got that clearer and then had hearing test so now base line is partial hearing in left ear - could have been worse before due to wax...

this weeks problem is getting upset and angry, I'm on a complete rollercoaster with him, I have no idea how to help him fit in at school, everyone at preschool is lovely, they tell me how he is but I'm lost on what to do about it

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