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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD getting uber clingy - am I leaving her too much??

26 replies

RGPargy · 14/05/2010 15:23

Hi everyone

I just wanted some opinions on whether or not i am leaving DD too much and this is why she is being clingy or whether it's "just a phase"? She is 2.5.

My normal weekly routine is this:

Monday - Gym Creche from 9.30 - 11.00am. (she whinges when i leave her but it's just for my benefit as when i've gone out of the door, she stops immediately), followed by a coffee (me, not DD!) and a quick play in the little soft play room (DD, not me!)
Rest of the day with mummy
6.30pm - Mummy is back at the gym and DD stays at home with daddy for bath/bedtime routine.

Tuesday - used to do nothing but now DD goes to nursery from 12.45 til 3.15pm. (She hates it. Cries all the way there but calms down after a while when i've gone.)

Wednesday - Gym Creche from 9.30 - 11.30am. (more whinging). We go swimming in the gym after (which she loves) and then we have lunch there.

Thursday - Spends the day with Nanna (who she adores) as i have to work.

Friday - Same as Thursday

Saturday - All day with mummy

Sunday - I go to the gym at 8.30am, DD stays home with Daddy til i get around 11am.

So do you think i am leaving her too much? She really hates being left lately and i dont know whether i am the cause or whether it's her age and she's trying to show my her protest at being left by being so whingy and clingy!!

Thank you!

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Original poster

RGPargy · 14/05/2010 15:23

Oops, sorry for the long post!

OP posts:

Original poster

RGPargy · 14/05/2010 15:49

A little impatient bumpy!

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Shoshe · 14/05/2010 15:54

Being a CM, I would say, no, a lot of children go through a clingy stage. I have had chiuldren full time with me for a couple of years, then cry when left, nothing has changed just feeling clingy.

DS went to playschool, didnt shed a tear the first term screamed the place down the second, then loved it again.

But bloody hell you must be fit!

Hullygully · 14/05/2010 15:59

What are you doing in the gym? Sounds most intriguing. Twice in one day!!

The clinginess is normal for that age, they don't like being left at all..

Original poster

RGPargy · 14/05/2010 20:54

lol am no where near fit yet - that's what i'm going! I only do classes tho, which is why i go twice in one day.

thank you for your replies. Glad i'm not being a cruel mummy.

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Dancergirl · 14/05/2010 21:17

Not sure about the problem but I think you are going to the gym far too much

bumbums · 14/05/2010 22:16

This may not be popular. I personally think her clinginess is directly related to the amount of time your away from her. The routine you have for the week although may seem repetitive and consistant to you probably seems quite random to her.
Trying not to sound pompous or patronising. She's clingy because she does't know when your going to leave her next.
So I'd work out how important each time she's left is. Maybe cut it down a bit. It's crucial that you get time to yourself to go to the gym or whatever but does it have to be in the day?
Sure the clinginess will get better. Just watch her confidence doesn't slip.

ConnorTraceptive · 14/05/2010 22:20

I don't think it's the amount of time tbh I think it's the amount of different places.

Could you put her in nursery and extra afternoon rather than the gym creche give her the opportunity to be in a more familiar regular surroundings?

Some children wouldn't be phased by any of what you do (ds1 wouldn't) but some are (ds2 uber cling on)

Original poster

RGPargy · 14/05/2010 23:04

Hmmm ok thanx for your comments bumbums and ConnorTraceptive. It's deffo food for thought.

The main reason i go to the gym during the day is because DP would get the hump if i were to go twice a week during the week..... However if it's what could be making her clingy then perhaps he will have to lump it when i go. I do think the gym is important for me as i am quite overweight and see the gym as my way of trying to stay that little bit healthier for both myself and for DD.

She's been going to the gym for a year now but has only been going to the nursery for about 3 weeks so i think that is the more familiar place.

Hmm, perhaps i should have a rethink......

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Nettiespagetti · 14/05/2010 23:19

My DD is uber clingy if I leave the room! She does nursery 2.5 days a week when I work. That's all she away from. Tried gym crèche and she screamed the place down for whole hour! of ur gym time

I think these things are stages I don't think that you are causing it. It is a routine and I think kids respond Well.

Don't beat yourself up

ConnorTraceptive · 14/05/2010 23:27

Oh definately don't beat yourself up and don't stop the gym. Maybe just rejiggle things and see if it helps

Missus84 · 14/05/2010 23:32

Why does she go to nursery? Has the clingyness got worse since she started there? Since it's only once a week it might be too long between sessions for her to be comfortable there.

Original poster

RGPargy · 15/05/2010 22:39

Thanx ladies, i do feel slightly better now.

Missus84 - She goes to nursery because.... well.... that's what kids do isn't it? She was offered a place in January and i said no as she was being uber clingy then and then they called me back around easter and i thought she might enjoy going there. Hah!

We've had a lovely day today. Spent the whole day indoors with lots of lovely cuddles, laughs, fun and jokes She even had a 2 hour nap in her BED! She hasn't had a nap in her bed for MONTHS AND MONTHS!!

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Missus84 · 15/05/2010 23:02

She's quite little to be going to nursery though, and at that age a week between sessions makes it difficult to settle. If she hates it is there much point? I'd take her out and try again in a year, but do at least two sessions a week.

scottishmummy · 15/05/2010 23:08

2.5yo isnt too wee to go to nursery at all.talk about nursery at home,take her fave things in,make nursery a fun thing you both discuss.any child needs some settle time.so give it time

plantsitter · 15/05/2010 23:08

If it's only been 3 weeks at nursery I would put it down to that. My childminder told me to expect DD to be unsettled for a month when she started with her, and she was (a bit longer actually).

Danthe4th · 15/05/2010 23:17

Could you stay after the gym and have a swim session with dd, it would be something for her to enjoy.
If the gym creche is anything like ours, its great care but no structure like playgroup and actually quite boring.
I used to use the gym creche alot and my ds put up with it but preferred playgroup so I booked him in for 3 mornings.
At her age can you not get some morning sessions at a playgroup its a bit more consistant and won't be long before the free sessions kick in.

Missus84 · 15/05/2010 23:18

I don't think it's that you're leaving her too much, but maybe that it's too many different places. Another alternative could be sending her to nursery Mon/Tues/Wed mornings instead of the creche?

Original poster

RGPargy · 17/05/2010 08:53

Thanks for all your replies everyone. We talk about nursery in a positive way all the time at home and she seems very positive when we do chat about it. Hopefully it will improve with time.

We do go for a swim after the Creche every wednesday which is something she really loves to do.

Unfortunately I can't take dd to nursery in the mornings as it's only the funded kids that go in the mornings (ie the three year olds) and the younger ones go in the afternoons. I suppose it's only til January and then she'll be going in the mornings too so her will hopefully feel more structered for her.

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Orissiah · 17/05/2010 12:55

Could you not place her in a more homely atmosphere ie a childminders for, eg, 3 mornings a week. She'll perhaps feel more comfortable and have consistent group of little friends. Then you go to the gym these mornings....

Plumm · 17/05/2010 13:05

Just going on the info you've given (and I haven't read all the replies) I'd drop the nursery, if possible. It's only once a week for a couple of hours so she won't miss out on much there. She may not like the creche too much but the gym is obviously important to you and tht makes it worth it.

tigersmummy · 17/05/2010 13:20

Clinginess is a natural stage that all children go through - some experience it earlier than others, some later. But it is all part of a child's development. My DS started nursery at 12 months, 2 full days a week (was due to go back to work, then didn't for various reasons, but still decided to send him to nursery). A friend of mine who works in childcare said 12-18 months was ideal time to send them to childcare as if you leave it they have a more established routine which is more difficult to break.

It sounds like your DD probably falls into the latter category, as she has been with you for so long, then her routine has changed and she doesn't like it. However, don't let that stop you. She will get used to it, she will adapt, and if she stops crying within minutes of you leaving then its not a deep rooted problem.

You need time to yourself and as you say, the fitter and healthier you are, the fitter and healthier a mother you are to her. Nursery and gym creche will teach her to socialise and cope without you, which is what she will need to do in 2 years time when she goes to school.

You are absolutely doing the right thing and if she cried every time you left her at school gates, no one would tell you to take her out of school would they? Its a stage and she needs to go through it.
BTW, my nephew recently started at CM aged 2.4 years and its taken him 2 months to settle in so stick in there.

Original poster

RGPargy · 17/05/2010 17:54

Just thought i would say that the last two times at the gym creche have been much much better. We have been going there over a year (!!) so she's well used to the routine of it and it's only been since around the age of 18 months that she started to cry. It's not even minutes that she cries for - it's seconds!! Today and yesterday (DP was working so had to send her to creche) we had a big cuddle before she went in and she seemed much more accepting of going in there, with maybe 5 seconds of moaning yesterday and no moaning at all today. It was so nice to leave her there without my guilty conscience kicking in!!

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BeenBeta · 17/05/2010 18:26

Saw this a lot when DSs went to nursery who went all day every day and never cried.

Those children who did random mornings tended to get upset but in every case stopped the minute the parent left.

I used to see such looks of guilt from parents but all the nursery workers (who were excellent) said it was very common. Its the moment of separation that causes anxiety not the actual hours apart.

Keep a routine, let DD get used to it.

Galena · 17/05/2010 20:26

'I personally think her clinginess is directly related to the amount of time your away from her'

So why is my 1yo DD clingy when I don't ever leave her anywhere???!!! I go to make a cuppa or have a wee and she screams and screams until I'm back. Getting wearing now.

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