2yo crying all the time about anything

[nondomesticgoddess]

DS is 2.2 and he has been like this for as long as I can remember. Things upset him in an extreme way all the time.

For example, the things that caused him issues this morning were -
a tower he was building kept falling down
his booster seat had been put on a different chair
his sleeves had come up and a part of his wrist was showing
he didn't want the green spoon

I know these are things that can bother all toddlers but they all happened in the space of an hour and it meant that he cried continuously for that hour.

It seems to be his version of a tantrum but can last for such a long time and he doesn't seem to know how to get himself out of it.

I have definitely built a rod for my own back because I give in far too easily, just to avoid the crying. That's not to say he gets away with everything and as the examples above show, often there is little I can do to influence the situation.

He has a muslin which he sucks on when he's upset and he will often take himself to the bottom stair but neither of those things help him - it just means he cries with the muslin while sitting on the step!

I just wondered if anyone had experienced a similar thing and what they found helped? I am considering taking him back to the cranial osteopath he saw when he was a baby but not sure what I think about that...

Sounds like normal toddlerish behaviour to me

Is he getting enough sleep? Is he more likely to cry if he's hungry?

Was about to ask the same as notnowbernard.

DD2 (2y7m) can be impossible to please and it usually coincides with hunger and tiredness. She eats LOADS - partly because she must need it but also because it keeps her mood much more even.

HTH

My toddler 2.1 can be like this, especially when hungry or tired. I think the arrival of her little sister has contributed too. Does your ds have a little sibling?

I think the key is your comment about giving in too easily. Children need to know where their boundaries are and that they are firm.

If you want to be the one to decide where the booster goes then decide, tell him and don't give in. If you're not bothered where it goes then allow him to move it without any sort of challenge.

If it's ok for him to choose the have the green spoon then just give it to him or let him get it. If you feel that he should just use the spoon he's given then decide that and stick to your guns.

If he thinks that crying will make you give in he will do it all the more. You need to decide where the boundaries are and keep them firm and predictable. If he knows crying doesn't make you change your mind he will not bother to do it so much.

Now you need to think about whether he is crying to make you do something or because he is upset and can't cope with something. If he is crying to make you change his top then you need to ignore it. If he is crying because his wrist showing is upsetting him then he needs calm comforting and distraction but not you running round in circles trying to please him.

Are you concerned about the fact that he is crying or is it what makes him cry that worries you. If you think he is getting very distressed about change and routines and that is what worries you then perhaps have a chat with your GP.

Thanks for your help.

Tiredness and hunger do make it worse but a lot of the time I know he's well fed and well-slept.

I just look at the other toddlers I know (which is a lot) and none of them seems to be doing this non-stop crying.

I am not new to toddlers - dd is now nearly 4 and was pain in the you-know-what (in fact, she still can be!), but it seemed to be over with much more quickly. I didn't dread taking her out for fear of continual hysterical crying. She's more a running into the road while looking at you and laughing type!

Could ds get too much sleep??

Al1son - sorry, crossed posts.

Your post is really helpful. What you have written is what I strive to do, it's sometimes just hard! I am trying to not let him get his own way sometimes on principle - not because I care which spoon he has but because I thibnk he should learn that he can't always have what he wants. This week has been an attempt to be 'stricter'.

However, it's the things I can't fix that are harder to deal with. The train with the carriage that keeps coming off. The spot of water that spills on his t-shirt. The other child who play with his toy.

I think his crying has become a habit to a large extent and it's now a case of trying to break it.

The OCD/autism spectrum is a mild concern - he is very highly strung and really wants things exactly as he wants them but I think he's probably just being 2.

When he cries have you tried saying, "I can't understand you when you use your crying voice, wipe your tears and tell me what wrong". Even if you can understand keep saying this until the crying has stopped.

That has great success here - unless of course there a real reason for the tears (ie. hurt etc)

nondomesticgoddess, sounds just like my DD, aged 2.1!

A funny thing, you mentioned about whether it was possible for toddlers to have too much sleep. Well, I know that mine can be incredibly grumpy when she wakes up (and more prone to these mini-tantrums) if she has been asleep in the afternoon for more than about 2 hours. My MIL said my DP was the same when he was a baby, and she had to stop his afternoon naps completely around 1.5 as he became unbearably grumpy on waking.

Quite normal, but terribly dull for you.

very normal. my ds is just turned 2 and hes discovered the art of tantrums. i did get embarrassed at 1st when out in public but now am past caring what other people think you may think other people have perfect children but when you ask them they will tell you they are going through the same as you.

He sounds just like my DD2 (now 3). it drives me mad!! DD1, now 5, is so very very different. She is a crazy whirlwind, never cries ever, but used to have (well, occasionally still does have) the most unbelievable tantrums. So when calm, gentle, entirely tantrum free DD2 came along I thought she was the most unbelievably easy baby / toddler ever until the wailing started..... she will cry at literally anything - every one of your examples ticks her box and so many others (a splash of water on her sleeve when washing her hands, baby DS grabbing her pencil, DD1 calling her a poo brain!). She also has a muslin funnily enough, although it is now confined to her bedroom so she will sneak off upstairs to have a snuggle with it when upset.

I also think the wailing was partly my fault - her whims were definitely given into far too much when she was little and her boistrous sister was constantly pushing her around. By the time I adopted a more balanced approach between them I think the damage had been done - she expected her own way in everything.

DH and I now completely ignore it. I will not understand anything she says to me in a wailing voice and so she will have to stop and talk properly, which she now does. Slowly but surely she is beginning to take on board that crying is not the answer to every set back, but you have to be consistent, not give in to it, not get angry or annoyed, pretend it isn't happening. These days I have to really hold myself in as DD1 will sometimes try and catch my eye and make me laugh when DD2 kicks off which is the one thing liable to drive DD2 utterly insane! Interestingly she has never once been known to have a wailing fit at nursery (I am not sure whether to be reassured or upset by this).

I really don't think you need a cranial osteopath - I would guess you need a few months of consistent boundaries and not giving in to it - by which I mean hug and symapthise, but don't give in or let it influence the path of what you are doing.

The absolute worst for me are incidents such as happened today when DD2 was wailing away and I was happily ignoring her until DD1 came running over to tell me that DD2 really had hurt herself quite badly. How was I supposed to know... I felt awful. The peter and the wolf story has become quite a familiar one in our house.

Thank you Nelly - it's always nice to know you're not the only one!

We are trying not to give into him and hoping that if he realises that crying doesn't get him what he wants in situations I can control (eg which spoon he has) then he will also realise that it doesn't fix things in other situations (eg the tower of blocks falling down).

I know that it can only get better and as his communication improves at least I will be able to explain things more easily to him and equally he can explain what is the matter. Fingers crossed that in 6 months we have moved on from where we are now!

non If you have any real concerns do get a referal to a developmental paed.

How is his communication?

My ds can be like this unless I am giving him 100% of my attention.

He was a VERY highly strun baby and had so many concerns over ADHD/ Autism etc. He cried constantly and his meltdowns just went on and on and on. I dreaded taking him any where for the first 2 yrs. I still do get anxious if we are going to see relatives who are just not used to his ways.

However, he is 2.9 now and his communication skills have helped enormously. He seemed to have a very low level of frustration, even as a new born baby he would cry over any little thing that he couldn't control. He is still very sensitive and I confess a lot of the time I tend to turn a blind eye to his annoying little habbits or undesirable behavour to avoid a meltdown which I know is not good in the long run. I think a lot of it is about picking your battles. Obviously not possible when he is crying over something you can't control!

All toddlers cry a fair bit though, especially if they are frustrated or can't get their own way. They all tend to like things being done in a certain way and flip out if you don't let them do it, sometimes over the most ridiculous things.

I have found that my ds gets stroppy and negative rather than all out crying like he used to. His language is good. He argues a lot and as a grumpy tone to his voice a lot of the time. He gets cross with people who ask him perfectly reasonable questions and also gets annoyed if people are in his space.

I am, trying to stop him from snapping at people and telling him firmly that his behaviour is not nice and if he continues he will go on the bottom step. It's hard work but on the whole he is lovely. A hundred times better than he was 6 months ago... a million times better than he was a year ago.

You're not alone. You've had some really good advice on here. It will get better.

Thank you meandjo - it's reassuring to think it might improve. 'Highly strung'are exactly the words I tend to use to describe ds.

NinkyNonk - his speech and understanding are both pretty good for his age but often his problems are too specific for him to explain. Once in the car he cried hysterically for 15 minutes because 'my wellies falling down'. I kept checking and they were fine. However, I eventaully realised that his trousers were coming untucked from his socks inside his wellies and that was his problem. I do think the more his speech improves, the easier things will get for both of us.

I keep reminding myself that it is not that bad and actually, when he's in a good mood he is hilarious with a wicked sense of humour!

However, dh is the most laid back person I have ever met and I can't help but wonder why neither of my children inherited that!!