Changing childcare

[mrspir8]

I'm not sure if this is the right thread for this so apologies in advance.

I have had to change dd's childcare more often than I would of wished for. Originally she went to a nursery 1 afternoon a wk when 9 months old and never slept easily there so after only 4 months. We then had a childminder for 12 months, who was ok for a while but then we had some serious issues (She shouted, she called my DD spiteful and used time outs after I had expressly forbidden it we follow unconditional parenting principles) so I put her back into the nursery , she has been there 6 months. Nursery is good, much much better environment for her but now we are moving house. I want to move her to the preschool in the village we are moving to-it's attached to the primary and most of the children who will be going there will be at the preschool first and I think 's important she builds some long term relationships, but I am terribly worried about the impact on her with all these changes. She still asks for the childminders daughter who she was great freinds with. I am concerned about this becasue she seems very sad when she talks about her ans says she misses her freind and now she has formed some fairly solid freindships there now-i really dont want to take her away from another set of friends. Have any of you had similar expereinces and what do you think?

yes and I would put DD into the local preschool but not until a few months after you've moved. My DD found moving quite stressful and given the choice would have let her settled into the new house before changing the childcare yet again

I think you are worrying because you feel guilty about all of the changes you have put her through, for very valid reasons I may add.

Stop worrying so much. Children are very adjustable really. It's the adult that makes too much of a situation. And she will pick that up from you.

She will make friends again. And as you have said, for a much longer period this time.

If she goes to the nursery attached to the school and then moves over to the primary - brilliant.

My DD did this, pre-school then primary with the same gang. She's 11 and STILL keeps in touch with lots of her friends from her early days, even though we have relocated to a different part of the UK altogether!

Don't beat yourself up.

Support her if she wobbles in the early days, then watch and smile as she thrives with her new best friends. She will be fine.

Good luck with the move.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate the feedback.-when we move it will be almost august and to get a place (they only have 20 spaces) she will need to go at the start in september. I am sad for her when I hear her talk about her old freind, we also lost a dearly beloved family pet recently and i feel my poor girl is expereincing too much loss in her young life.

I just want to second what mouseface says. It might be that your DD will pick up on you feeling "terribly worried" and "sad for her" and "concerned". It might be a good idea for you to convince yourself that you like the preschool, thinking of all of the positive and lovely things about it. Then that enthusiasm pass onto your DD. Children really are resilient little things, and life is about change- your job as a mother (and you sound like a lovely caring one BTW) isn't to stop all change but to show her how to handle it.

Can I ask, are you worried at all about the move for yourself?

we had a similar experience for ds1, he went to a childminder when I went back to work when he was 12 months, he did 4 days for 6 months then 2 days to 'retain place' after ds2 was born, childminder gave up minding so he started day nursery when I went back to work (started very quickly, minder gave notice over xmas shutdown period, grr, no chance to settle ds1 or 2 in properly) for 3 days a week when 2.5yrs, went there for 7 months which overlapped with ds3 being born and me stopping work again, he then started preschool (5 mornings/week) and there now, due to start at school in Sept.

The move to the nursery went really really badly, it took ds about 4 months to go without crying (and I cried) we toughed it out as I had to work and I knew I'd be finished and he could stop, by the time I'd left on mat leave he was really happy there and stopped asking about childminder.

On his first day at preschool I got dh to take day of work to have younger 2 so I could focus on him, we'd had one visit in summer term before, I'd bought him books on starting school and we'd walked up to school a couple of times so he could see the play ground, gate he'd go through etc. Basically I was totally prepared to take him straight home if he cried, I'd decided he'd had a stressful year and he didn't have to stay if he was upset, told him I wouldn't leave him if he didn't want me too and he didn't even give me a backward glance! has loved it from day one. I think for us the key was preparing him, I felt happy I'd done everything I could to make sure he knew what was going on and that made him ok with it - you have to be happy with the decision, I'm a firm believer in happy mum happy baby.
Plus I think because I'm on maternity leave I had luxury of being able to spend time settling ds1, if he's having a wobbly day I don't rush him, when I was working I couldn't stay to comfort him I had to be at my desk, ds1 has never been upset about preschool and I think its because of that vibe (and he's young enough not to take advantage of it!)

sorry for the long post but hope that helped - not really any practical advice but I can emphathise!