How do you discipline your 5 year old?

[veryveryveryworried]

Finding it impossible to control my 5 year old dd. She refuses to listen to me, do anything I ask and generally misbehaves. Sometimes its over small things - if I ask her to brush her teeth, tidy away her toys etc she'll throw a tantrum. Other times its more serious e.g hitting me. I'm at my wits end. I've tried various things - sending her to her room (she just refuses to go and runs away from me) taking away toys, banning her from watching tv but none of it improves her behaviour.

I spend a lot of time reasoning with her - mummy loves you but you make her sad when you don't do what I ask etc but it does no good at all. Had such a bad day with her yesterday that I ended up crying which she seemed to enjoy.

I even suggested to dh, in desperation, that we send her to boarding school as I cannot cope with her anymore.

Poor poor you. What an awful child .......

But see! - when I say that - she's not so bad after all is she?.

1. Specify threats/incentives - make sure it's not a threat or incentive impossible to carry out or too vague. Be specific. That cartoon, that favourite toy for this amount of time. DH makes the mistake of saying they will NEVER watch blah blah again or NO breakfast - complete waste of time..........

1. Follow through - the really hard part - particularly in front of others. Ignore the tantrums that follow (safely, I don't need to tell you). Do exactly what you said you would and make sure DH is on side. This is critical - that you do what you say you will and there is no undermining from anyone else. Don't change your mind.

1. You don't sound like someone who would slap - and good - it doesn't work in the long term. But she clearly does not respect you - where is that coming from? Try to identify it (do you feel bad about yourself in any way) and work with DH to change it. Get back up from him, ideally.

1. You are in charge. She does not seem to recognise that now. It will make her more secure when she does. She will be happier eventually to have someone else in charge. Good luckj.

Humour. Threat of exclusion from family activities.

Very clear boundaries which are also firm so she knows when she's choosing to overstep the mark and that no amount of screaming will change your mind.

Withdraw attention for the behaviour you don't want to see whenever possible.

Use a light positive tone when asking her to do things.

Give her praise at every single opportunity no matter how small the reason. Make sure you praise far more than criticise.

Don't pick battles you can't win or are not important.

Use positive language to tell her what you would like her to do not what you want her not to do, e.g. "Please keep your feet still" rather that "Don't kick the table".

All easy to say and not so easy to do. Good luck