Potty training.....how long does it take?

[Melly]

I know there are lots of threads on potty training but thought I would start a new one.
I was very keen to train my dd early but events overtook this (I was feeling really poorly in early stages of pregnancy when dd was happy to sit on the potty at 14 months). So, unfortunately it didn't happen. I had one go back in January when dd was 18 months but it was a disaster so I decided to leave it a while.
DD will be 2 next week and for the last couple of weeks has shown a much greater awareness of when and what she is doing when it comes to pees and poos. She certainly knows the difference between wet and dry, can understand simple requests, tells me when she is going to do a pee pee and poo etc.
So, we started on Friday. She had 3 pees in the potty plus a poo together with lots of accidents, which I thought was a pretty good start. Yesterday wasn't too good, no pees in the potty, her "accidents" are really refusals to go on the potty. She says "pee pee" and points, but when I encourage her to go on the potty she refuses and runs off in the other direction. She will sit on a trainer seat on the loo reasonably happily but won't pee. We are now day 3 and I really don't want to put her back into nappies. I feel she understands but for some reason is reluctant to use the potty. A friend has suggested getting a potty with side handles, like a chair, but I'm sceptical as to whether this will help?
I think many will say she's not ready but if I put her back into nappies and try again in a couple of months what will have changed?
Has anyone got any tips for me as I'm struggling a bit. I am quite prepared to keep going, happy to deal with accidents and staying close to home etc if I know things will eventually click into place?

Try it, if it doesn't work put her back in nappies and try again later. From my experience the later you leave it the easier it is for eveyone concerned.

Dd was 2.5 and ds 3 when there were done, and they took 2 weeks and one week for it to 'click'. A friend tried at 18 months and they had almost daily accidents for six months.

Give it a go, stay calm ( ), if she isn't ready it will not work and you will all just get upset. We all have to remember that 2-3 months may not seem like much to us, but for a 2 year old it is an eighth of their life! So that amount of time can make a big difference.

Good luck

HAve you tried putting your dd directly onto the loo seat, but facing towards the cistern? My ds never took to potties but ended up being quite happy to use the big loo like we do.

Well I've been trying for 2 years now ( ) -but I think we're unusual! He is now pretty much reliable for poos, but not wees. I found the best way to make him aware- was just to put him in pants and mop up after him, and as you can guess we have tried everything. This did make him aware of when he was going very quickly and I'm sure would work for the majority of children. He does now tell me immediately he has done a wee (even when wearing a disposable if we're out), and usually does poos on the toilet.

Would like him to be dry by the start of school in September though.

Anyway my recommendation is just to put him in pants and mop up.

I agree with Jimjam, use pants rather than training pants. They need to feel what it is like to be wet to help the training along.

I thibnk we might be having to go down this route soon, as ds (22 months) has started removing his nappy when he's going to do a "wee-wee" - so he obviously knows he wants to go, and we're getting the "accidents" anyway. Trouble is he still won't actually sit on the potty for more than about 5 seconds. Any ideas anyone? Will we better off going straight for a trainer seat on the toilet do you think (he's at nursery full time and there they have scaled down toilets rather than using potties, so I'm thinking it might also be less confusing for him that way).

Melly I don't think she is too early. My dd decided 20 months was right for her. Day 1 no sucess (wet trails everywhere) It wasn't until day 3 we had much joy. Then overthe next week it was a bit hit and miss, but after 2 weeks she was prettu good. If she wants to try the loo, why not? We got a soft training seat for ours which seemed to be fine, the potty is good in that they can use ita ll themselves, but otherwise, stick to your guns, don't think of going back to nappies, but allow 3 - 4 weeks. I am not a fan of GF in a week thing.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Day 4 today and still no joy however dd will sit on the potty for short spells and also the trainer seat on the loo which is progress, but just won't do anything. She does seem to be holding on and trying not to have accidents but just can't seem to "let it go" on the potty. I have decided to keep going and stick with it as I think putting her back into nappies at this stage will confuse her.
I agree Crunchie, I think it will probably take me a few weeks for dd. I am a fan of GF and have her new book on potty training but I don't think the one week thing is going to work with my dd.
GillW, afraid I can't help with any tips for encouraging your ds to sit longer than about 5 seconds as this is exactly what dd is doing, I've tried pretty much everything and am struggling

I found that with ds, sticker charts worked wonders, it is amazing how young kids take to bribary. I used ti give him a sticker for every potty deposit he made and when he had 15, he had a small pressie, usually a 99P car or something. HTH

DD definitely preferred the potty chairs they sell in Mothercare, they are £11 but she sat there no problem. I think if you really want to crack this then persevere with putting her in pants, not trying to be controversial but I'm not convinced that late potty training is better. Certainly it just seems to be the anglo-saxon world that thinks it's ok to leave it until 3.5y

I didn't leave it until 3.5, but ds was 3. At that time he had the language skills to cope with it, and it took a week, actually 6 days. So for us 3 was the right time. For others it will be younger, for some a little older.

I think the 'leave it later school' is in part a reaction to the strong drive for potty timing that a lot of our mother harp on about....'You were dry and clean at a year'. Well, at that age the vast majority of children do not have the nervous system 'wired in' well enough to contol bowel and bladder movements. What our mum's had were children who were regular and could be 'caught' in time, rather than have children who truly contol themselves. That said, there will always be some who are ready at a very early age.

Among my friends leaving it later has resulted in faster, less stressful potty training, but this will obviously not be the same for all babies.

Thanks for the further advice. We are now day 5 and unfortunately dd is not progessing at all She will sit on the potty or trainer seat but just won't do anything. I am very torn now about what to do, do I keep going or not? My greatest concern is that she appears to be holding herself, i.e not peeing or pooing until she is completely bursting and i don't think can be very good for her physically or mentally. I never pressure her to go, just praise her when she sits on the potty and ignore the accidents, but she just will not do anything. Oh dear.....it's hard this potty thing isn't it.

Melly I know it is hard, particularly as she seems to be able to control herself. I would be tempted to continue, or perhaps try the pull-ups. I know it seems hard and I am sure others will disagree, but since she is ready in that she will sit etc, I would continue.

Thanks Crunchie, I do think you're right. Today I backed right off and tried to let her take the lead. Still no success with performing on the potty or on the loo, but the encouraging thing is that she still wants to sit on and tells me when she wants to do something. I am quite tempted to get one of those musical potties or a potty chair as I think if I can just spark her interest and get a result once, hopefully she will be keen to demonstrate her new skill!

Melly ... I am a believer leaving it until later. I tried DS at 2 and a half and after 5 days I gave up ... it was clear he wasn't ready.
I then tried when he was 2 yrs and 11 months and he was sorted in 24 hours ... I think that in the 9 months since then he has had 3 accidents. It was a little harder with poos as DS was a bit frightened of doing poos in the toilet so he saved them up until his nappy was on in the evening but we sorted that out by the time he was 3 and 3 months.
I have a friend who had a whole year of taking about 8 of clothing around for her DD as she had accidents all the time ... she started at 20 months and finally the little girl was sorted just before her 3rd birthday. She was adamant that she wasn't going to go back to nappies but it was exhausting for her and needless to say she has a totally different attitude to potty training her son!!

I meant 8 'changes' of clothing ....

Hi Ghosty, any tips on getting them to use the toilet for poos? DS (3.3) happily sits on the toilet (using an adapter seat) but when it comes to doing the 'deed' he bottles it and insists on having a nappy on.

We had similar problems with dd. I found that bribery helped. 'Do a poo and we will play a game of snakes and ladders.'

Hi Jodee ... my only tips are a) give it time and b) lots and lots of bribery.
It was quite traumatic for a time as he gave himself quite a bit of constipation with holding on and his poos ended up hurting his bottom.
We basically ended up telling him that he couldn't have his nappy on until AFTER he did a poo ... he fought us all the way ... and then gave him chocolate when he did a poo in the toilet.
Eventually it worked out ... but it wasn't easy and he worked it out on his own ...
Even now he will not go for 2 or 3 days between poos and I end up filling him full of fruit and baked beans to get him going but when he goes he does it with no bother ...! And at least we have had 4 months now of no nappies anymore!
My sympathies ... jodee ... they do get there in the end. I never taught an 8 year old who needed a nappy for poos (as far as I know ) so that is what I kept telling myself!!
Good luck!!!

Jodee, I didn't start potty training properly till dd was 2.7 months old. It's been about 5 weeks now and she only did a poo in the toilet after 3 weeks. She was doing them in her knickers or nappies at night. It was sort of an accident when she did one and she said "what was that noise" as it fell into the pan as she had really been meaning to do a wee. Since then there is no going back. She has been clean for 2 weeks and dry for about 1 week as she had a wet herself about once a week up till last week. Poo's do seem to take a while accordingly to most people. I read the Gina Ford Potty Training in one week book for a few tips - not a real devotee of GF but will read anything that may help me. Your son will probably just do it one day and not look back. Don't lose heart.

I wanted to say I know you are told to keep calm and not react to accidents but it is bl**dy hard!! I have a "crawler" who kept heading for the wee puddles and it was awful for a while. I did lose it a few times telling dd to help me clean the wee puddles (i.e get kitchen roll etc) and put her pants in the washing basket. It is normal to get frustrated so don't feel bad if you do - although I felt terrible when I did

Can sympathise here too - we are in the middle of the potty training phase and it is hard to keep up a permanent sense of humour about the endless accidents... DD did a huge poo right in the middle of her bean bag last week - "look daddy" she said proudly pointing it out to him...she has a habit of stripping totally naked and goes wherever/whenever she wants. I guess the question of how long it takes reminds me of the old reply "how long is a piece of string?". I know they all do it in their "own time" but it is hard to imagine my little one ever getting there at the moment! Thank goodness for good quality furniture and carpet cleaners like Oxyclean!

Thanks Queenie, Ghosty and HMB - that is just what I thought, time and bribery! I had been trying the bribery tack for a while, promising ds a much-wanted train if he pooed in the toilet instead of the nappy, but DH let me down! They were both out one day passing the 'Train Shop', ds being fairly insistent, so DH said to him "If I get you xxxxx will you poo in the toilet for me?". "Oh yes, Daddy!" said ds. DH promptly buys it, and you know the rest ... ! Sigh - men.

Oh well, I know he will get there; hoping it will be before beginning of October when he starts school nursery, so a couple of months yet. At least it's in a nappy not in the beanbag, eh Stripymouse!

jodee, you may find that starting in nursery will help the process along. If they see that all the other children go to the toilet, they tend to want to do the same. And both my children are more 'biddable' in school than at home!