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Dd wants to play out ALL the time........she's only 4.5.......mummy feels redundant!!

7 replies

chocobunny · 11/05/2010 16:56

We live in a quiet cul de sac - or we did do - until last year when a family moved in with 4 kids who are home schooled. They are lovely kids, that's not the issue, but they play out an awful lot, sometimes all day. They play outside our house most of the time and are joined after school by the other children in the close. We encouraged my dd who is now 4.5 to join in the fun as I feel it's important for her to develop her social skills at every opportunity......however, playing out has now become a bit of an obssession for her.

No matter what we are doing inside the house, as soon as she sees the kids outside, she wants to drop everything to be out there with them. One little boy in particular she seems to be obssessed with - obviously, it's not a full on love-crush thing (can it be at 4?) but she goes all gooey when she talks about him and tells me she's going to marry him!!

When we have been out in the car as we are driving down the road she's looking to see if anyone's out playing, she rushes her tea to go back out and play - it's all she wants to do when she's at home. She's continually at the window, having coversations throught the glass with them and banging on the windows to get their attention. It's really beginning to get on my nerves - she's a very strong willed child and gets so upset and we get full on tantrums if I say she can't go out - also if I say she can't go out I feel a bit mean as very often I haven't got time to entertain her myself so she's just watching CBeebies and I feel guilty that I've stopped her from going out and not given her a riveting alternative indoors - it's just like I'm stopping her becuase I can as I am finding the situation annoying.

I'm ashamed to say I've found myself getting cross with her for wanting to go out and play - like this afternoon - we had a friend round for a playdate - as soon as he'd gone she was on for going out. i said no as I wanted to do some arts and crafts with her. After much persuading, we sat down with pens and stickers and after 20 minutes, she'd had enough so I let her out. I could tell that she had no interest in what we were doing and was doing it under duress to keep me happy ......i feel as though I've lost her at 4.5 - i only have a few months left with her before she starts school in September and feel sad that I can't spend time with her in my own home anymore.

Is is normal at such a young age to be so obsessed with other children. She is an only child, maybe that has something to do with it. I'm so worried what influence these kids will have on her - she is so young. They range from 11-5 - they all seem like lovely kids though, but she is impressionable. Anyone else experienced this?

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bebemoohatessnot · 11/05/2010 22:46

Well mine's 13months and she's impossible to keep indoors when the other kids are outside our house playing...We have tantrums and screaming fits too. So we go out there most of the time if it's not too late. None of the kids are her age. Most are between 4-11, but there is a 3yr old who will sometimes share her toys. I think it's normal; I remember wanting to rush through supper to get back out an play.
I also had a 'boyfriend' when I was 3 (had him until I was 6 and we moved away -I was heart broken- my mother teased me about meeting him again whenever I was down about any of the other guys was (or was not) dating.

I've set up rules for outside play (tho she doesn't understand). Meal times are meal times and we sit and eat it together and there's no rushing. We're done when we're both done. We can play outside until it's either time to come in to make or eat food. This may be any amount of time (I use my 'warning voice' to let her know when this time is approaching) We will play outside as long as the other kids aren't doing anything too dangerous for us to watch or be around while playing with our own toys. I explain all these things every time.

Give her some freedom I'd say, it is a pain sometimes I know. And you'd rather be doing other things with her and for her...but it sounds like you've raised an outgoing little girl and you should be proud. Give her a little freedom and she'll come back around. Have no fear there will be days when she does want to stay in and do other things (those will be the days you'd just like her to go out)

bebemoohatessnot · 11/05/2010 22:55

Two other ideas: Try to join in some of the play? Get a game going of cricket or football with you as Ref. and Ask the other kids over to do art and craft projects too? Maybe some sort of messy outdoor craft? drawing on pavement with chalk? or colouring on long roll of paper?

chocobunny · 12/05/2010 20:52

Thanks bebe - atwanting to play out at 13 months! Wow, and I thought 4 was young - am I out of touch or something!! i've done a lot of soul searching today and if I'm honest, I know I'm being silly about this and it is normal and natural - the problem is me not being able to let go and it's something I realise I have to accept - and I will do.

I agree about setting boundaries for play - I just want her to come in when I say - this needs a bit more work and she strops about when I call her in and can be prone to making a scene! She knows she has to stay within the confines of the close and that she's not to go in anyone's house - this she is good at doing. I don't know the parents of this family that well and I want to be able to keep an eye on her as she is so young. I'm happy to have kids in - but not all at once and will be setting up dates for them coming in for tea and proper structured play sessions in our house with their parents consent. I have to roll with it, don't I!!!

You are so right i am incredibly proud that she is so confident and am thankful for that as i was such a shy child and i don't want that for her as it can be rough....I would probably be panicking more if she was anti-social, so I should count my blessings! Time to move on and let go but also - if you get what I mean!!!

Thanks again for taking the time to post.

OP posts:
bebemoohatessnot · 13/05/2010 13:35

Sounds like you're doing alright then It's really good that you're being open and honest abt how it makes you feel. (We've often not allowed to express what makes us unhappy about the 'job.' (I for instance HATE breast feeding, especially at the beginning, tho I've come around a bit, but we do what we do because we feel it's best for our child)It's hard isn't it? We want to cuddle and hold them close all the time and yet know that in order for them to live in the world someday they'll need a mother who didn't always do that!

And don't I know it with my little Moo...since she's been able to scoot to the glass doors and see them play she's been asking (screaming is what I mean). It's not until she was more capable of standing that I started taking her out. And now that she's capable of running there's no stopping her! Today she took my hand and wanted to out there and play despite there being no kids!! Kids!!!

It sounds like you're a great mum. Keep up the good work! And have a (hug) for when you're feeling the 'letting go' pangs.

TulipsInTheSunshine · 13/05/2010 13:49

bebe... my 15 month old is the same, if his older brother and sister are out he has to be too, it causes blue murder if i try and bring him back in!

choco, look at the advantages... the house is cleaner if they spend all day out, you get time to MN get jobs done, the child gets lots of fresh air and vitimin d, they deveolop social skills (especially important if an only), they learn about the world around them, etc, etc.

but yes it's annoying when it's constant... have faith though, it usually goes in phases, my older two go through patches of outdoor obsession and then forget about it for a few months again!

didgeridoo · 13/05/2010 18:19

My dd was/is exactly the same. I'm just pleased she's so sociable as no-one would have said the same about me! Mine's an only child & I think it does them a lot of good to socialise as much as possible. We chose to live in a cul-de-sac on a very safe estate to enable her to go out and play. Be happy that she's friendly & popular!

RhinestoneCowgirl · 13/05/2010 18:26

DS is 3.5 and loves to play out (we live in a cul de sac too). The difference is that the other children aren't around during school hours and he really pines for them. I also have a younger child and am quite grateful for the break from splitting my time between the two of them whilst trying to cook/clean etc.

I think playing out is a really important thing for them to do, but maybe some ground rules would help. In our case DS goes to bed earlier than the others (as he is only 3!) but for me that's a non-negotiable one, and he has to come in and sit down and eat tea.

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