Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

22mo Kicking & biting

16 replies

hairymelons · 11/05/2010 11:50

DS started kicking and pinching a few weeks ago.

So far we have tried saying firmly but calmly that it hurts, it's not nice etc etc. He now knows he's not supposed to do it because he says 'Don't pinch mummy'/ 'Don't kick pussycat' and then does it! I think he would enjoy a big reaction as he watches for one as soon as he's done it. I've tried walking away from him for a few minutes but he gets really upset about it and then I feel bad.

We really need him to stop now. Partly because we don't want him taking this behaviour to nursery and hurting the other children (hasn't happened so far) but also because I've had a few hard kicks to the abdomen and I'm 18 weeks pg and that's a big worry. I've had to start holding his legs down whilst I change his nappy which isn't very nice and doesn't address the problem.

Any ideas anyone?

Thanks in advance.

p.s. stopped bf just before this all started, he seemed fine about it but could it be the reason?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

hairymelons · 11/05/2010 11:50

Sorry, no he's not biting, he's pinching!

Shoulda previewed, oops.

OP posts:

Original poster

hairymelons · 12/05/2010 21:49

Ok, little bump here...

Got booted in the tummy tonight and pinched so hard it left a mark. He was tired and a bit overwrought but I've had enough now.

Am edging ever closer to losing my rag with him. I'd really rather not of course but I am frustrated and it bloody hurts. The kicks to the stomach are totally unacceptable but I can't seem to get that across to him.

If I say it hurts/ it's not nice, he says it's funny. He's really good at swiftly changing the subject too- guess he's picked up on the distraction technique, grrr.

Would really appreciate any ideas.

Cheers.

OP posts:

ohsomuchtodo · 13/05/2010 13:04

Hmmmm....Can't be much fun for you - congrats on being pregnant again btw.

Have you got a good HV you can speak to for advice? Have you read 'Toddler Taming'? OObviously you need to nip this in the bud especially as he is kicking you in the tummy.

FWIW, my advice would simply be to look him in the eye and say 'no' firmly and sit him down on the floor, and take the attention away from him. I know it's not that easy and you say that you have found it hard when he's become upset but you don't need to walk far away from him or 'leave' him for long. He will probably 'get it' pretty quickly - he sounds like a very switched on little thing.

Good luck and I hope you get some more helpful advice. Let me know what works x

posieparker · 13/05/2010 13:10

this is normal, no sure over night, you're doing the right things...only don't feel bad when you ignore and he gets upset. Try alternatives like 'ah, let's stroke the cat....gentle' so give him plenty of good behaviours instead and praise praise praise when he does them. He's far too young to rationalise or know consequences and so expect very little on that score.

So distraction, alternative interactions, not too much reaction (simple no or that's not kind will do) and always immediate, it's not naughty it's just provoking a response...

hth!

posieparker · 13/05/2010 13:10

sorry, no solution over night.

tryingtobemarrypoppins2 · 13/05/2010 20:24

Naught step/time out, walk away then ensure he says sorry.
Chocolate button when he is still and good for a nappy change.

Totally normal though!

lovechoc · 13/05/2010 20:39

I posted something similar a few weeks ago. My 3yo was kicking me in the stomach and I'm nearly 32 week pg. I also nearly lost it with him, had to walk out of him room quickly because I was raging.

He hasn't done it since so I'm putting it down to an isolated incident and he knows that it's bad to do it (or at least I hope he does!).

Sorry no real advice, but just wanted you to know that there's another mum out there just like you who's been going through something similar.

Original poster

hairymelons · 14/05/2010 00:44

ohso, HV is shite unfortunately,have seen her once since DS was born You're right though, I need to stop feeling bad when he gets upset because it doesn't reinforce what I'm saying. Will check out toddler taming, sounds fun!

PP, we do a LOT of demonstrating gentle behaviour (on the cat too funny enough!). Good to hear that's not a waste of time cos it feels like it right now! You're right about it not being 'naughty', I really feel like he doesn't understand.

Cheers everyone for replying and I'm so glad it's not just me

OP posts:

ohsomuchtodo · 14/05/2010 11:03

Hey hairy! Sorry to hear your HV is pants - it all seems a bit of a lottery tbh.

Feeling bad when he gets upset is totally normal but they do know that this works - they know it gets mummy back in the room! Bless them....

In terms of the nappy changing octopus - you really do need ten hands don't you?! - I saved a special toy just for nappy time - as suggested by my non-pants HV - and it worked. He only had it at nappy time and the novelty kept him far more still. Or I lay him so that he can see the tele and use Cbeebies!

Also, I know it sounds silly but does your little one know that you have a baby in your tummy? I know he's a boy and don't know how 'liberal' you are about these things but how about buying him a 'baby' and showing him how to treat it gently. I know it'll be tough for him to get his head around the fact that there is a baby there that he can't see but it might help a little when baby is born if not now... just a thought.

Enjoy! Good luck

heth1980 · 14/05/2010 11:58

My DD1 went through a bit of a biting stage until one day she bit my DH hard on the arm........he pretended to cry for a bit and she was very upset to see her daddy "upset". She hasn't bitten since.

Original poster

hairymelons · 14/05/2010 14:37

Hey ohso, we've been using books the last couple of days which has reduced the kicking incidents but then he remembers what fun he has with his feet...The cheeky blighter even says 'Tickle mummy, funny' as he is booting me. Going to be a tough nut to crack.

How long do you ignore for after leaving the room btw? Been doing less than a minute up to now.

He sort of knows about the baby, we told him because he's really good at being gentle with the 'baby plants' (my veg patch!) in the garden so thought he might extend the same courtesy to my stomach. The baby is a great idea though, will def do that.

Heth, wish DS was so empathetic. I did cry once when he'd head butted me (accidentally) but he didn't notice!

OP posts:

mum2oneloudbaby · 14/05/2010 20:32

This is what i have done with DD2.5 it worked after a few days and the hitting/kicking/pinching went away for a good few months resurfaced a couple of weeks ago used it again and went away again after a few days. Nothing since.

first strike - told hitting/kick etc. is naughty and good girls don't hit because it hurts mummy good girls give kisses and hugs (my attempt to try to distract her activity into something more positive if it's from frustration)

second strike - repeat first and warning of naughty step if she does it again

third strike - naughty step

repeat, repeat, repeat to the point of boredom.

I have no scientific basis to back this up but it worked for us. He sounds pretty switched on which dd is too fully understands what she's doing.

mum2oneloudbaby · 14/05/2010 20:33

Should have said dd started hitting etc. just after 2nd birthday.

gladtoliveinademocracy · 14/05/2010 20:41

my ds went through a loooong hitting and kicking stage in the months before he was 2 and we tried all kinds of discipline strategies but in the end the only thing that slightly worked was ignoring it (very VERY hard to do!) and actually it was entirely cured when he started at playschool (hadn't been in a setting like that without me before that) when he was 2 - i reckoned it was the effect of another adult saying to him that made him take notice. But they were really low key about it and didn't make a big fuss which probably helped - i was so stressed about him doing it that he must have picked up on my frustration/anger even when iwas trying to ignore.
Do think its just a phase but hope it improves soon for you

emy72 · 14/05/2010 21:30

Well all my children have been through similar phases as toddlers (one pushing, one biting, one hitting) and in my experience, despite the constant trials and discipline strategies, they just grew out of it.

I think the discipline is important and they learn their boundaries and what's right and wrong. However, don't expect it to suddenly work! They will continue to do it for a while....and it is very frustrating!

Good luck with it xxxx

Original poster

hairymelons · 18/05/2010 21:02

Hi everyone, quick update...

The ignoring worked! Thought it might be a bit risky not picking him up on it but he'd already got the message that it hurt/ wasn't nice etc. so we went for it.

Since Friday, I've either just moved his hands and feet away and carried on with nappy change or whatever or, if he's kicked or pinched hard, gone into the next room for a minute. He's barely done it since then. Can't believe it's worked so quickly.

Thanks so much, you lot are ace

OP posts:

Flip