4yr old imaginary house advice please!

[star1976]

My 4 year old son has had an imaginary house for ages. When we talk about anything or see things that he would like or just anything really he always says 'I have that at my other house'!

He tells us over and over again how great it is and we have either just agreed with him or ignored it, maybe asked the odd question about it.

He has recently decided that he has a mum and dad there, and talked about Grandpa there, and to be honest it is really starting to pi88 me off now.

This morning my 11 year old was in tears cause he said that he has a sister there and that this other sister is the best in the world.

Have tried talking to him and saying that he must know that it isn't real but he is adamant that it is. I even put him in the car once and we drove around, him giving me directions, to look for this bloody house. He picked one in the end and actually said lets go inside, and I think he would have tried had I let him.

Just don't know what to do about it. Do I ignore it still or something else? Any suggestions would be most appreciated!

Why do you all get so upset about this?

It's perfectly normal 4yo behaviour. My dd had a boyfriend and several children. He lived in Portsmouth. And was stripey.

My niece had cousins who lived in a house nearby, 'But when the lions came...'

My dd, ds and nephew all had imaginary countries.

They do enjoy using their imagination at this age, many children need to make things up to have their own little independence and they often can't tell the difference between imagination and reality- this is perfectly normal. I imagine you might have frightened him with your OTT response.

And in particular, why does an 11yo burst into tears because a 4yo says something to wind her up? Have you not explained to her that this is what 4yos do, that he feels she is so much bigger than him that he needs to assert his independence? You should be reassuring her.

My dd, at a slightly younger age, told me quite cheerfully that she hated me and that I wouldn't love her when she was grown up because I'd be dead by then. I am afraid I laughed heartily and told her not to bank on it.

There is no point in taking what they say seriously because they haven't got the maturity to gauge what things mean the way older people have.

Is there anything else going on in your lives that makes you particularly vulnerable at the moment? I would have thought the more usual parental response would be a slightly absent minded "yes dear".

This is perfectly normal four year old behaviour. Your DS obviously has a wonderful imagination which could be a great asset to him in the future. Don't challenge it, foster it.

Ask him to tell you stories about it and allow you to be involved. Scribe for him if he wants you to so he learns how to get his ideas down on paper.

Listen to what he says happens there. It may give you clues as to why his imagination is a better place to be than the real world. It could be real eye-opener for you.

Don't pretend that his world is real to you but do acknowledge that it's real to him.

If your daughter is upset ask her to reflect on her own imagination. Hasn't she imagined a different world in which all her wishes came true? Wouldn't she wish for her brother to be different at times?

Don't try to shatter his imaginary world. It's there for a reason so let him use it and enjoy it for as long as he needs it.

It's just annoying sometimes that he goes on and on about it!

My daughter is very emotional at the moment, has her SATs this week, and problems with a couple of friends at school, and started her periods. Cries at pretty much everything!

Aw, my DD did this too! She was younger though - started it at about 2.5yo. It was bizarre, I have to say, we had no idea where it had come from but she had a different house, mum and dad, brother, car and all manner of weird and wonderful items of clothing that she expressed no desire in owning in real life. We encouraged it tbh more out of curiousity than anything. I was intrigued about what went on in her other world and very impressed by her level of imagination. I distinctly remember driving round the local streets under her direction so she could show me her Mum and Dad's house! She did too. And their car! No doubt your DS is aware that it really annoys you. Could you bear to go with the flow or even encourage it or make a game of it? Maybe get your daughter in on the game too so that she feels more in control? I had forgotten all about DD's little fantasy world - she is now 3.3 and hasn't talked about it for ages. Your post reminded me that I actually miss it. Good luck!

Very normal - my DS2 had several imaginary brothers. Whatever anyone else had, his brothers had it too, and better. They lived in interesting places, like India, or the island in the local park. Sometimes they were dead, or a cat, or Roman.

I quite miss his imaginary brothers now, he doesn't remember them at all.

He has been going on about this for at least a year, and I have never said to him that it isn't real. Just tried not to make a big deal out of it.

I suppose I just thought that he would have grown out of it by now.

He has recently come up with a new place called farty world. We were going to the O2 to the cinema in the last half term and he was adamant that he wanted to go to the one in farty world instead and was telling me that I was going the wrong way!