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Squabbling between 12 yo and 7 yo

13 replies

englishpatient · 07/05/2010 18:57

This is driving me crazy. They seem to do it all the time! Any tips for staying sane?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
englishpatient · 07/05/2010 19:31

Please?

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englishpatient · 07/05/2010 19:51

I suppose all your children are lovely to each other, so you can't help.

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lifesucks · 07/05/2010 20:07

sorry i have no advice but my dds are 9 and 3 and are the exact same.i didnt think it would be this bad with a big age gap.obviously i was wrong.i will be watching this thread with interest.

seeker · 07/05/2010 20:10

The bset advice I can give is, unless there is actual blood or real bullying ignore ignore ignore. Insist on an acceptable level of behaviour in public, but apart fro that just let them get on with it.

englishpatient · 07/05/2010 20:25

Thank you so much for responding, both of you.

Lifesucks, I really feel for you!

Seeker, that's what my parents did (more or less) and my brother, sister and I get on really well now, so you are probably right, but I find it really hard to ignore it, and I try to get them to sort it out... with little success obviously, as it's no better the next time! How old are yours now? Do they get on well now?

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exexpat · 07/05/2010 23:56

I'm watching with interest for any advice. If DS11 and DD7 are in the same room, they almost constantly bicker, compete for attention, put each other down and occasionally hurt each other (rarely blood, but definite bruises). I try to ignore it but it can drive me mad at times. Anyone?

englishpatient · 08/05/2010 11:37

Exexpat, do yours play nicely together sometimes? My two can be lovely, but at other times they behave as if they hate each other! It seems to have got more verbally unkind recently.

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cornsilk · 08/05/2010 11:44

They sound like my two.They can be the best of friends but also fight and argue.I try to ignore it as much as I can but it's not easy. I do try to divert ds1 as much as I can, as he tends to be the antagonist and I also seperate them at times to avoid aggro.

NorbertDentressangle · 08/05/2010 11:50

I have the same age gap between my two (currently 10 and 5) and they bicker like mad.

This morning it was over one particular seat on one of the sofas. FFS -there is seating for 8 people in the living room and they have to argue about 1 particular seat

If it wasn't that they'd be bickering about something else or, on a good day, they would play beautifully together.

Its all part of growing up with siblings though. I remember arguing and fighting with my brother who is 2 years younger than me.

englishpatient · 08/05/2010 13:35

Thanks, cornsilk and norbert - I know mine are probably no worse than others, but it's good to have it confirmed!

I think I will try to ignore it more.

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exexpat · 08/05/2010 14:23

Englishpatient - occasionally, but not often enough. There isn't a huge amount of common ground in terms of interests (4.2 years between them and opposite genders, so not surprising really), at least at home - it's better if we're out of doors doing something active. Sometimes I get them playing board or card games, with or without me, but it doesn't happen often.

They play-fight and wrestle amicably sometimes, but all too often it descends into real fighting. What really gets me is that the older one responds negatively to anything the younger one says 90 per cent of the time (tells her to shut up, says she's stupid, nit-picks everything, calls her fat and so on) - it seems to have become a reflex action for him - and if I pick him up on it, he starts accusing me of favouring her etc etc. I would ignore it more, but it makes for a very difficult atmosphere at home, and I don't think it's very healthy for her being subject to constant put-downs and insults.

I think it doesn't help that I'm now a single parent so they are always competing for my attention, particularly at weekends and holidays. I had hoped that a bigger age gap might reduce bickering, but that doesn't seem to have worked out.

Hannah28 · 08/05/2010 17:01

Try to praise them when they are nice to each other and try to ignore them when they behave badly. Also try and make sure that you have 'special' 121 time with both of them apart so they don't squabble because of attention seeking - just a few tips that I tried and seem to have worked so far-good luck I know how tiring it is but keep going!

englishpatient · 10/05/2010 17:40

Exexpat, mine are opposite genders and 5 yrs between them, but they both like making things, so they will sometimes do craft together, and they both love doing what DD has called Kids' Club, when she "runs" a special club for DS, doing various activities with/for him. It's usually when either she gets too bossy, or he gets too silly, that the squabbles begin. They don't usually fight physically but sometimes their verbal fights end up with someone getting hurt physically! I agree that it's not healthy for one to be subject to constant put-downs and insults from the other, so like you say, it can't always be just ignored.

Hannah28, I do try to praise them for being nice to each other, but must do it more, and ignore the bad more (but as I mentioned above to exexpat, I don't always feel I can ignore insults, for example). DH and I do spend individual time with each of them and I am sure this does help. Thanks for your support!

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