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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

toilet training

10 replies

victoriah3 · 07/05/2010 13:59

My three year old son will not entertain using the toilet or potty despite endless tryong. He is still in nappies and I am getting very concerned he will never be toilet trained. He will use the loo if I encourage him to sit there but will never tell me he needs to go

Would appreciate other people's views. How did you go about this and how old were your son/daughter?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Clary · 07/05/2010 14:06

I would go for cod's method personally, put him in pants and sit him on potty regularly, reward him when he performs.

Don't expect too much of the days and have lots of spare pants.

He will crack it I am sure. You say he will use loo if you ask him to sit there - well that's about all you want.

IMO 3 (3 and what? just 3? or 4 in July?) is well time to be out of nappies.

I expect a big crowd to come on and tell me that 3 is way early to train tho.

FWIW DS1 was 2.5, not really ready in retrospect, lots of accidnts; dd was 2.5 too, totally ready and never wet herself; DS2 was a week before 2yo and also well ready (that was his idea not mine!)

welshandproud · 07/05/2010 14:23

I share your pain! My DD2 has just turned 3 and will only sit on the potty under duress and will not entertain the idea of using the toilet. She flatly refuses to drink until very thirsty as she doesnt want to have to use the potty. I'm well aware that 3 is very old to still be in nappies but i also believe that children will do it when they are ready. DD1 was just under 2 when she made up her mind to do it.
On a bad day i feel i must be doing something wrong but the reality is i've done it text book style and still she refuses to comply. We have a week away in a cottage in west wales at the end of the month and i'm hoping we'll have plenty of warm weather and we'll try and crack it in the garden!
I do try to agree with the people who tell me not to stress about it, i'm sure when they're at university we wont be able to tell who was toilet trained the earliest....as long as DD2 is out of nappies by then!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/05/2010 14:30

no, I think at 3 he will probably be well ready.

Both my DSs were over 3 when we did it, and once we did it happened very quickly and with very few accidents.

DS1 was like yours, OP, and I was beginning to worry - he had no interest in pants or using the potty. The crunch came because he was starting a new playgroup and needed to be out of nappies.

The way I did it was to go out for the day with DS2, leaving DH and DS1 to have a "big boy pants day". DH helped him choose which pants he wanted, and they took it from there. While I was out a chose a large garish potty in the shape of a teddy bear seat. Making a ceremony of the whole thing seemed to work in his case. Also, I rewarded him with chocolate buttons for doing it in the potty.

I never used pullups with either of mine, either. Out of nappies and into pants. If it's not working within a few days you'll know to back off completely again, but I think that chances are he will be.

(DS2 was over 3 as well, but he asked to wear pants one day - I really don't know when/if DS1 would have got to that stage on his own)

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/05/2010 14:34

I would add, back off completely for now, but then try again in a few weeks. Don't even mention the potty for those few weeks. DS1 was 3 and a quarter

pigletmania · 07/05/2010 14:53

Victoriah are you me! I totally feel that way about dd 3.2, though she does wee on the potty, poo in her training pants, she does not know her bodies signals to go and act upon them!. I put her in training pants a couple of weeks ago and she seems to really be learning when she is wet/poo. DD does wee in the potty and loves taking it to the toilet and flushing it down and getting a reward but just does not recognise when she needs to go. I feel that if i put her back in nappies she will regress and wont be aware of her bodies functions like she is in pants. Sorry for rambling but just telling you my experinces. I have a tread on AIBU at the moment about it.

Original poster

victoriah3 · 07/05/2010 15:06

He is only just three (in Feb) but I think it may be my failt cos I have made it too easy for him, why exert yourself and use the loo when you don't have to?

Have bought a reward chart to try - see how it goes over the weekend.

OP posts:

Downdog · 07/05/2010 15:44

we talked about BIG GIRLS - Big Girls don't wear nappies! Big Girls use the toilet/potty. If your child is gagging to be BIG like DD this might work. It was my biggest & most effective tool.

Re telling you he needs to go, this will come. I just put DD on toilet before we went out & when we arrived, with promise of a chocolate kiss for result. Worked!!! Sure we had a few accidents, but that's OK. (and the chocolate was done away with after 2 weeks without a wimper)

It's been 2.5 months now & we still get the odd accident but mainly if she is really distracted. Whenever she did tell me she wants to go lots and lots of praise!!

She will often say NO if I ask, but I can see her squirm or something & will put her on - lots of praise again. So the learning they need to go doesn't necessarily happen all at the same time.

I have noticed she has held on a few times now - which is great as it indicated bladder control is really kicking in.

Yesterday she asked me to go - lots of praise etc & she was chuffed - "Mummy I TOLD YOU"! etc.

Still not dry at night - plenty of time for that.

pigletmania · 07/05/2010 17:12

Thats great downdog, yes the choccie buttons are definitely working for dd that is why i am reluctant to put her in nappies, and she loves trying to go for a wee for a choccie button, is working, and lots of calm and praise. DD does not tell me when she needs to go but as downdog has said it will come in time. I just put her on the potty say every 1.5 hours or when i feel that she needs a wee (when she has drunk a lot of water for example or just had a drink as it goes straight through her)So far so good.

ki28 · 08/05/2010 14:58

Hi,my ds was trained just b4 bein three and half.

We went out and bought and special step so e could reach the loo.

New fun squirty soap he can use once he been for a wee. just his soap no one else could use it.

And these blue balls from asda that you put in your loo and they have to try and hit the ball with thrie wee. If he got the ball he got sweet. think there doen the baby alsie area.

hope it helps

Joolyjoolyjoo · 08/05/2010 15:08

Hi- my ds is on d7 of the dreaded potty training! I went for the put-him-into-pants-grit-your-teeth-and-get-on-with-it approach, and we are getting there!

Re: not wanting to sit on the potty- ds has a teddy bear that goes everywhere with him, so we talked about teddy learning to use the potty- had to get a blummin doll's potty for teddy, so now when teddy needs a wee, ds goes with him, and teddy often asks ds to show him how... It IS a palaver, but I keep thinking how good it will be when we don't have to buy nappies any more!

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