Nursery over-reacting to 'standard' toddler behaviour?

[yellowsunflowers]

My daughter is 23 months and for the last few weeks when I've collected her from nursery her keyworker or the nursery manager quite often take me to one side to say that "she has been snatching today and had to have several time-outs".

Their tone of voice and facial expression gives me the impression they think this is very serious.

I agree it's not OK to snatch, but I also believe that this is pretty 'standard' toddler behaviour and that it is mine and the nursery's responsbility to teach her not to.

The nursery's (over?) reaction is beginning to annoy me as it seems over the top but I'm not sure if (a) it is over the top and (b) what I can do about it if it is? Any thoughts/ideas?

Maybe ask them how they correct her so you can be consistent at home then give it no further thought!

(a)yes

(b) practice sarcasm

yes, they sound a bit over the top. If they had mentioned, informally that she is going through a snatchy phase that would be more appropriate.

They should be professional enough to deal with it.

Time-outs for snatching for a not yet 2 year old seems pretty OTT to me as well! I work in a nursery and we only use time-outs for the over 2s, and only in response to behaviour (like hitting, fighting) that means they need to be removed from the situation to calm down.

A toddler snatching toys would just be made to give it back, and reminded/shown how to share nicely.

They are overreacting a tad! If they think that snatching is serious behaviour, what do they classify more extreme forms of behaviour then! If you are still not happy i would be looking for another nursery tbh, dont sound like they are dealing with it very well.

Goodness YES OTT! How long has she been going to nursery??

very OTT, yikes! Have a word

Blardy nurseries.
I despair.

crikey they must have all their kids in timeout and nobody playing. very OTT. how is she ever going to learn to share?!

FFS she is not even 2 yet. Of course she will be snatching she is far too young to understand the concept of sharing. Quite frankly, she is also too young to understand the concept of timeouts too.

The nursery manager is probably pissed off that she is having to do some actual work (hence justifying the exorbitant fees) and put her pen down.

It's the power they have to upset parents with their sillinesses and overreactions that I object to. I mean, it's those awful conversations at the end of the day when it is implied that your child is naughty/defective/unreasonable, with these observations being made by people who often have few qualifications in child development or psychology, and who don't have children themselves. I am unimpressed.

She is a baby-of course she snatches!

You could always make a formal complaint about inappropriate time out practices being used on under 2s if you like. That would bring her up short.

Ask the manager if she is new to the job.

It's not in East Anglia, is it?

It does seem very OTT, I would not be happy with them using time out for that, it makes it such a bigger deal than it really needs to be.

I remember dd1's nursery (which was lovely, btw) initiating a 'smiley face' chart for dd

Smiley face = 'good' behaviour

Sad face = 'not good' behaviour (which they defined as not listening, not queuing nicely [wtf?), pushing past people)

She was 2.5 at the time!

It didn't last long. Utterly ridiculous. She didn't get it/care about it AT ALL

They used to present me with her 'chart' at the end of each session

I used to receive it with a smile and a ta very much

Snatching isn't nice - but it is normal toddler behaviour.

DD won't even let another child look at her scooter - in the park she will be saying to another kid either "you're my best friend" OR "That is MY scooter! MINE! Not yours!" to a poor kid that has moved their head possibly in the direction of her scooter. She has pulled it off from other kids when they have gone for it.

Its to do with developing sense of self & vulnerability I guess.

We recently went through this with ds and his nursery. I got fed up of being told at the end of the day about all the negative things he had done (tantrum when toy taken away etc). He is also nearly two. In the end I asked them whether they thought his behaviour was particularly bad or whether it was normal for his age. They said normal and so I said that the way they reported it to me had made me wonder. They are much better now...

Just to stick up for nurseries here - why not ask them straight out why they are so concerned and if its typical or not. We had a lot of this when DS was around 2 - a lot of pushing other children not badly just gently - and nursery kept referring to it but then agreeing it was not unusual. DS then regressed a few months later and ended up being diagnosed with autism. looking back these were early signs. The nursery hadn't a clue it was anything serious but knew DS well enough for it to register as something that was out of character. no-one joined up the dots until several months later when DS lost skills. I'm not in the least suggesting that there is anything of this sort going on but sometimes nurseries do pick up on things even if they don't articulate them very well or even know why they are concerned it may just be a niggle. Perhaps you should give them a chance to put their case. If they are just being negative and agree its normal hopefully they will back off.