4 year old being nasty to cat, constantly.

[ally26]

Hi, I'd love some imput on this please. We got 2 cats just before Christmas. They are now about one year old. My daughter has taken a 'shine' to one of them, and ignores the other. She cuddles this cat, carries her about, won't let go of her when told to, and lately I have found her pinching the cat,pushing her,tying ribbons onto her collar to keep her in a dolls pram,squeezing her, tonight putting a hair clip on the cat's ear, I am at my wits end. My daughter is 4 and a half,I've explained to her a million times that the cat feels pain, to leave her alone, etc but nothing gets through to her. Every day she says she understands but the next day its even worse.

My daughter is intelligent and lovely in all other ways, but some advise about how to handle this and other experiences, please
ladies.I'm tearing my hair out here.

Hellymelly,I think she likes poking and prodding the cat, its not cos the cat won't do what she wants, but thanks, that is an interesting thought, she may be feeling the need to 'control' due to other stuff going on, and I think its also a way to get absolute attention from me, even though its negative.Even so, it is time for short sharp shock tactics, the explaining and talking aren't working.

My DD was a bit of a horror with animals at about 4-ish. Nothing really worked, until one day she was crying after she'd been pushed over by another kid, and I said "How are you feeling?" and she said sad and unhappy, and I said "That is how the cat feels when you are mean to her."
That was the turning point. We since got another cat who moved in with us after the 4 year old in its previous home was unkind to it.
DD is now very loving and gentle with both cats.
Maybe it is an age thing.

I think it's instinct/curiousity, our dd goes singing to our cat, to wanting to hug her, to chasing her, to attempting to pull her fur, she also says sorry to her even though she keeps chasing her. It is the age, they are just wound up and palyful with limited understanding of others prospectives.

I was always kind ot animals when I was a child but we didn't keep any when I was very young.

For whatever reason though our cat loves dd!

We have had this problem with our DD, who's 4. Same situation, have 2 cats - well, they're still kittens but will be cats in a couple of months - and DD loves one and ignores the other. Funnily enough, the one she ignores is the tom cat, who does not tolerate DD's games. She used to be 'nasty' to them, trying to sit on them etc, but we had a total zero tolerance policy - if DD hurt the cats at all (or tried, or did anything they didn't like) then she was not allowed to touch either of them for the rest of the day. If she did touch either of them, and that included petting them, then she went to her room for time out. We did this a few times, and now we don't have to do it at all. She seems to have learned that hurting or being nasty to the cats is Not On.

The pinching and stuff - I was worried too, DD was putting pillows on our cats and trying to sit on them etc. I couldn't understand how she could be so nasty. But I think it must have been a control thing - just to see what would happen/because she could, sort of thing. As I said, she hasn't done anything like that for weeks now - thank goodness.

Good luck with your DD and I hope it works out!

Every time she does it, shout "DO NOT DO THAT TO THE CAT OR YOU WILL SIT ON YOUR OWN IN TIME OUT!" in your boomingest voice. Afterwards, show your DD the cat's teeth and explain that cats bite HARD when they are being hurt by naughty children.

It worked on Ds2, who is also 4 and who used to hit my cat.

It's hard to teach a 4 yr old how to play properly with a cat without the risk of scratching, we allow dd throw a little cat ball for fun but that's all. We did teach her how to pet our cat though.

You need to take charge of your DD. It's unacceptable for her to treat it like that.

I have had cats before my DD's were born & I've never had any problems with them. Perhaps your DD needs a new dolly - perhaps it could be a reward for leaving the cat alone for a week.

Failing that, tell her that unless she leaves her alone, you'll rehome her - if she's that intelligent, she might start to take some notice of you.

I like colditz's approach.
Boomingest voice- wonderful.

By the amount of posts on here about 4 year olds and cats, I don't think it's a case of not taking charge.
There's some good advice and there's some comfort in knowing I'm not the only one with a four year old cat torturer lolololol.
Love the boomingest voice. It's used in our house on occasion.

Thanks so much everyone, loads of great advice and it's good to know that I'm not alone. I think my daughter is now immune to my boomingest voice unfortunately! Another approach is definately needed and your comments are all very helpful.

When I was about 4 I learned the hard way. I pulled the cat's tail hard and she turned around and gave me a good scratch! Never did it again.

I also loved her excessively and we had a great relationship until she died. What I never did was pinched her and hurt her. I find that level or cruelty concerning and if your daughter cant behave the cat should go somewhere it feels safe and loved all of the time.

I would either get the cat in a home where it isn’t mistreated or as a minimum tell her very firmly she isn’t allowed to play with it. It’s not a toy.