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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

4 year old being nasty to cat, constantly.

38 replies

ally26 · 04/05/2010 21:42

Hi, I'd love some imput on this please. We got 2 cats just before Christmas. They are now about one year old. My daughter has taken a 'shine' to one of them, and ignores the other. She cuddles this cat, carries her about, won't let go of her when told to, and lately I have found her pinching the cat,pushing her,tying ribbons onto her collar to keep her in a dolls pram,squeezing her, tonight putting a hair clip on the cat's ear, I am at my wits end. My daughter is 4 and a half,I've explained to her a million times that the cat feels pain, to leave her alone, etc but nothing gets through to her. Every day she says she understands but the next day its even worse.

My daughter is intelligent and lovely in all other ways, but some advise about how to handle this and other experiences, please
ladies.I'm tearing my hair out here.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

compo · 04/05/2010 21:43

I'm surprised the cat hasn't reacted by now to be honest

thisisyesterday · 04/05/2010 21:45

i would tell her she stops it NOW or the cat has to go to a new home tbh
it isn't fair on the cat

MadamDeathstare · 04/05/2010 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FranSanDisco · 04/05/2010 21:48

Tell her the cat will move to a new house because she makes it sad. What a lovely, docile cat you have. It may need karate lessons in the future to toughen it up

Original poster

ally26 · 04/05/2010 21:49

Yes I've threatened her with this, re homing the cat, maybe she doesn't believe me. The cat has scratched her but she doesn't react at the time, just shows me later and says don't be cross Mummy. The poor cat is so fed up with it, I'm thinking I might have to separate my daughter and the cats, how practical that is is another matter, but obviously I want her to understand how to treat pets properly.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 04/05/2010 21:51

wel she won't believe you if you threaten it and then just let her carry on.

sorry, but i really think you shoul seriously consider getting it a new home.

MadamDeathstare · 04/05/2010 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellymelly · 04/05/2010 21:54

At that age I used to dress my Granny's huge black tom cat in a baby bonnet and a dress and push him in a doll's pram.I got scratched a fair few times and told off but I was obsessed with him,I think he seemed like my little baby to me.I did love him and I wouldn't have hurt him (no clips on ears at least!) but I did annoy him and pester him poor beastie.I think all you can do is supervise and show her how to cuddle the cat really gently and play with her in way that isn't distressing for kitty.Try not to leave them alone together if possible.Maybe set a time limit for play with the cat? I should say though that cats do bite and claw if they are really bothered so maybe it looks awful but in fact the cat is a cuddly sort who doesn't mind too much?
One note of alarm was the tieing bit,as obviously she could strangle the cat by accident so I would be really firm that she can cuddle and carry but NOT tie up or contain,maybe by explaining that the cat needs to get away when she doesn't like the game,and as the other poster suggested threatening that if she can't stick to that then the cat will have to be re-homed?

hellymelly · 04/05/2010 21:55

Sorry I crossed a few posts there,slow typing!

Spatchadoodledo · 04/05/2010 21:59

Agree with hellymelly.

i dont think she is being NASTY to it, in the way your title implies, iyswim? I think she just ummm, loves it excessively!!!

compo · 04/05/2010 21:59

Is your cat allowed out? I would have thought most cats would hide until she was in bed tbh

whomovedmychocolate · 04/05/2010 22:03

Make sure you cat can hide or escape from her. Cats will vote with their feet if they have a chance. In particular, a high shelf can work wonders with little people. Ours used to sleep practically on the ceiling to get away from DD!

I also used to attempt to dress the cat like a dolly as a child. Loved that cat to death. He wasn't impressed obviously.

My mum gave me a role which was to feed the cat and that helped because I had a focus to my need to mother the cat (I can't believe I'm admitting this). And it also probably stopped the cat killing me in my sleep!

hellymelly · 04/05/2010 22:08

My dd has a furreal toy cat that is very realistic and purrs etc,maybe your dd could have one of these for when the real fur has had enough? I second whomovedmychoc that it was just a huge maternal urge to mother the cat rather than being the power crazed tyrant I may have appeared "no Twm,you WILL wear the bonnet!Mummy says so"(mummy dearest voice)

JaynieB · 04/05/2010 22:10

This brings back memories of me dressing our two cats in dolls clothes, pushing them around in a pram etc...
You seem to have a very easy going cat - I'm sure if it was bothered it wouldn't put up with it, but like whomovedmychocolate says, the cat needs to be able to escape and go somewhere it can't be got.
But if this is stressing you, perhaps re-homing the cat, or at least maybe getting a friend or cattery to look after it for a while to give you time to decide what you want to do might be worth considering.

JaynieB · 04/05/2010 22:12

Meant to add, we used to have an exceedingly gentle tom cat when my step kids were younger and he tolerated being held badly, being squeezed and generally molested (in a friendly manner) exceptionally well and was never aggressive towards the kids.

hellymelly · 04/05/2010 22:14

One of the cats I had pre-dds would be perfectly happy now if she were alive,being carried about,cuddled and even dressed up,she was the world's most friendly cat.

Missus84 · 04/05/2010 22:16

Does the cat have somewhere to get away from your dd?

Ime a cat is capable of escaping the attentions of a child if they really want to - although your dd may get scratched in the process. Do you punish your dd when you catch her deliberately hurting the cat?

Original poster

ally26 · 04/05/2010 22:16

Thnaks ladies! Yes the cats shoot out through the cat flap as soon as they hear her coming down stairs in the morning....I think she does 'love it excessively' that was how it started out but now this pinching, etc,it is deliberate, she knows it's mean behaviour, has got me really worried.I too would think the cat would scratch or bite her but she just lies there looking really pissed off. Good idea about letting her feed them, that might help....

OP posts:

seashore · 04/05/2010 22:19

We've been struggling with a similar problem with dd 3yrs, mostly tail pulling and the occasional attempt to pull our cat's head off. Nothing works, rehoming cat with Nana threats, lectures about cat's feelings etc. And we have a ds 9 months who will probably copy. We never leave our extremely patient cat alone with dd, which means our cat who before dc was always with one of us is now a bit cut off, but is still loved although lonely. We hadn't decided to get a cat, this cat moved in with us and most of her sibling's did not survive so at least she got herself a home and had a few fantastic years before dc.

All you can do is watch carfeully and keep them apart a lot.

I have been very strict about the rule that dd cannot touch cat if cat is not on the ground, to try and avoid scratching from tabletop etc. Of course dd doesn't listen!

Missus84 · 04/05/2010 22:20

I'd have an absolute zero tolerance approach to deliberately hurting an animal, the same as deliberately hurting a person - whether that's time out or losing toys/treats/priviledges.

ThatVikRinA22 · 04/05/2010 22:21

i never understand these threads. why do you allow it?

we have always had animals through out my childrens lives and i just wouldnt tolerate any cruelty.

being a bit namby pamby about it might not do the trick - you may have to stop with the explanations and use short sharp shock tactics. id remove the cat and punish bad behaviour with time out.

Original poster

ally26 · 04/05/2010 22:24

Up until now I've gone down the 'explaining' route, but it isn't getting through to her, so I think I need to punish her now, naughty step or stopping something she wants might work. The cats have some hiding places, under chairs etc, I just think now maybe my dd was too young for cats.

OP posts:

hellymelly · 04/05/2010 22:27

Why is she pinching? is she getting cross if the cat doesn't do what she wants? I used to bite my dolls when they annoyed me (I'm presenting myself well here aren't I?)Adn for some reason used to enjoy telling our dog off for minor misdemeanors,as the smallest in the family I think it made me feel important.She may be enjoying being the controller for a while.I think just vigilance and supervision,and maybe loss of treats/toys if she does do something really mean like the pinching.

Missus84 · 04/05/2010 22:31

A 4 year old is old enough to learn not to hurt animals - playing a bit too exuberantly is one thing, but cruelty is another.

seashore · 04/05/2010 22:34

One trick we've been using which helps is that we tell dd she will never ever get a dog if she doesn't learn to treat our cat well.

Of course it will only work if you intend to get a dog. We're probably going to get a whippet when baby ds is bigger.

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