Should I be concerned about my 3 yo DS?

[Lizzzombie]

He is nearly 3.5 and also has a history of being a biter he hasn't done it for ages. Recently he has become more and more violent though. Mainly just towards me and mostly as far as I can work out for no particular reason.
Eg. he just woke up like it this morning and already at 7am I have a huge red welt on my neck from where he has grabbed me and sunk in his nails. I'm covered in bruises from him pinching me too.
I am really worried this could be indicative of some kind of other problem behaviour.
Or am I blowing it all out of proportion and its just normal? I don't know.
Any ideas?

I was a biter until I was about 5/6. For me it was a jealousy thing but I never bit my mum -it was always either my sister or my friends. I grew out if it and think it was a just a phase I developed at primary school. I also used to pinch my friend until her arm went purple! I remember doing it and it was because she was playing with my toys. Does your ds have a younger/older sibling?

He doesn't have any siblings (yet) and he doesn't do it to any of his friends. Its just me. He doesn't do it to DP at all.
It appears to be unprovoked mainly.
Although if I tell him off he will do it and just go for me.
But, like this morning, it was the first thing he did & he kept on doing it. But has been fine at nursery all morning.
Its weird and nasty.

My DD used to slap people in the face - me, my mum, my sister etc. She'd just be there cuddling in youre arms and then suddenly, she's slap you on the cheek! She was about 1yr/18mths so younger than your DS.

I think if it is getting worse and there doesn't seem to be a reason then perhaps you should mention it to doctor who can refer you to someone who can help you deal with it? I don't have any experience of it though, so someone else might say it is just a phase. Some of DS's little friends are pushers, occasional biters, etc, but there is usually a reason for this - ie. they want a certain toy, etc. If it's just you, then it's obviously some sort of attention/insecurity thing to do with Mummy as opposed a general violent nature?

Have you tried bribery rewards for not hurting mummy?

If these aren't just experimental bites/scratches, I would guess that your reaction gives him some kind of reward. Maybe it makes an impotent 3.5 year old feel more powerful to make his Mummy squeak.

However, it need to be stopped, because while it sounds silly to talk of a 3.5 year old bullying his mother, that's what it could turn into as he gets older.

I would tell him firmly and calmly, while holding his hands, that he's to stop biting you, that you don't like it. Ask him if he would like you to bite him. He will shake his head. Ask him why not. He will say because it hurts. Say in your sternest voice that he is not hurt Mummy then. Make sure he realises that you're the boss. Reiterate whenever there's another incident.

Then ask him if he wants to go to the park/go swimming/whatever treat this afternoon. When he says yes, tell him that you'll only be going if he doesn't bite/scratch again that morning. Stick to your guns and don't go if he does do it.

Yes I did get bitten, but not for very long.

Thanks for your advice.
TBH its not the biting that worries me as we have dealt with that in the past and I am confident that he knows the repercussions if he does it. (Last summer was one big social night mare!)
What worries me now is this scratching/hitting/pinching phase which he is aiming at me.
It may be a control thing or trying to get a reaction from me, but its so out of the blue that I can't work out where it comes from.
He's an intelligent/eloquent child so whenever it happens I always try to reason with him - ask him why etc, but he seems to just clam up, which completely is not like him. Its just so weird.
I had thought it may be some kind of testosterone surge thing, but its always directed at me, which surely would not be the case if it were that.

what do u do when he does it?

That he is like a child possessed.
I know that sounds odd, but its just so out of character. He is normally a really cuddly little boy, and then everynow and then he does this.

Sorry - read that as what do you think.
What do I do?
Well, hold his hands down so he can't keep doing it and look him in the eye asking him why he is hurting me, and that I don't like being hurt and that we don't hurt people etc etc. It makes no difference if I threaten naughty step/treats being taken away as he will just keep on.
I end up pushing him away from me to get him to stop. If he continues I put him in his bedroom and close the door.

What I want to do is smack him really hard. But I don't see that it would help in this situation.

IMHO I don't think asking a 3.5 year old why they ar hurting Mummy is going to work. He may not know, or if he does not have the skills to verbalise it to you.

However you handle it you need to be consistent.

You and your DH need to sit down with him and lay down the law. Tell him that next time he does it xyz happens then DO it.

The only other advice I've got is to talk to your GP if you are really worried.

agree with ineedsomesleep

he likes the reaction too. if it were me I would be
1.) preventing as much as poss. if you see him go for you then grab his hand/leg/arm/whatever and stop him and just say "no hitting/kicking etc"
then remove yourself from the situation

2.) if you can't prevent and he does it to you then just a very stern "no, we do not kick/hit/pinch" put him on the floor and take yourself awahy

Again, thanks for your replies.
Its not the dealing with it that is the problem. I am confident in actually dealing with the behaviour as it arises.
What I am concerned about is if the behaviour is indicative of anything I should be worried about. Eg. How much violence/aggression should a 3 year old be displaying before its classed as abnormal.

I spoke to his keyworker about it today and she is talking to the SENCO person at the nursery about it to see if she thinks he has a problem.

He is just so split. Sometimes he's adorable and other times he is the opposite.

i don't think it's necessarily indicative of anything else. I think if there was something else then there would also be other symptoms

I think peoiple have focussed on how you deal with it because if he isn't getting a clear message that it is wrong, and if he is getting lots of attention for it, then that is a very likely the reason he keeps doing it to you!

Something is ringing a bell with me. Does he do it to you when you would really be expecting him to be affectionate?

It's just that I remember DS2 having a phase of this - he'd bit or pinch me instead of hugging or kissing, as if he'd got mixed up in his strong emotions - which is why it was directed at me and not others.

I can't remember how old he was but i think it was more around age 2.

I do agree that as well as talking to an outsider to get reassurance about his general behaviour, you also need to change your way of reacting to see if that is perpetuating it - put him on the floor and turn or walk away

Sometimes it does seem to be an 'aggressive form of affection' definately.
But other times its out of the blue.

thisisyesterday - do you know where I can find a list of other symptoms? Is there a website/book which would have more information on what to look out for before? I'm not looking to label him, I just want to educate myself a bit in this area.

i don't think so, not without some idea of what you think it could be to start with iyswim?
i think there must be a lot of behavioural/psychological problems that could have aggression as a symptom (though i would suspect that aggression wouldn';t be so pointedly at one person, but am no expert)

do you have any other worries about him then? or is it just this?

Lizzie what do his nursery say about his behavious there?