Problems with DS, 8 months. Sorry for long post...

[Benjy]

We moved DS, 8 months, into a cot in his own room last month. To begin with it went well: we put him down, left the room, he settled himself, woke a couple of times during the night but with a feed at 11pm remained in his cot until 6am.

Over the last week or so he has been harder to put down and I've had to stay in the room with him until he's fallen asleep. He is then in a cycle of waking, needing one of us (usually me) to go up and resettle him and stay with him until he is asleep only for him to wake half an hour later again. This goes on until 4amish at which point I normally give in and bring him into bed with us. I know I shouldn't give in at this point but I am exhausted (also have a 21 month old).

He has also been very reluctant to wean and we are still having problems. He won't have any home cooked food. Have tried moving away from purees to baby-led weaning, but he won't eat that way either. There are one or two Ella and Plum meals that he will eat, yoghurt, porridge and banana. He eats these well and still has milk feeds so am happy he is getting the calories he needs and that it's not affecting his sleep but I don't know what else to try to get him eating a wider range of foods.

Another problem is that he refuses to be on his tummy; cries as he is being moved into that position and if he isn't moved back to sitting will scream and it will take maybe 20 minutes to calm him down again. It is such a shame as I think if he would spend some time on his tummy he would crawl quickly and generally be more contented.

He just seems to be very reluctant to try anything new.

He was under hospital care for severe reflux until he was 6 months old but this has improved with weaning.

I would love for him to sleep with fewer interruptions in his own cot and for the whole night. I am worried that if he continues to co-sleep for part of the night, we won't get him to sleep independently. I feel like I really need a few hours in a 24 hour period where I have a break from him.

Any suggestions would be great.

Personally I'd bring him back to co-sleep / sleeping in your room - it's not going to be forever and if it means you all sleep so much the better

My worry is that it will become even more difficult to get himt o sleep on his own if we bring him back into our room now.

why? He's 8 months old - just let him settle down and try again in a couple of months

8 months is the worst stage for separation anxiety - you'd have been better before or after

Thanks. I'm not happy co-sleeping but if that's what we need to do in order for him to be able to sleep we will do it.

Does anyone else ahve any other suggestions or any advice about the other concerns?

But can you fit his cot in your room? You don't need to have him in your bed if you don't want - is he more settled just sleeping in the same room

No, we can't. He's been in a crib up to now but has outgrown it. We have a tiny bedroom - we can only fit our bed and his crib in it and that hasn't left us much room so moving his cot into our room isn't an option. DH moves around a lot in his sleep and is a very heavy sleeper so I don't feel co-sleeping is safe. You're right although he would still often end up in bed with us, he was more settled until that point when he was sleeping in his crib in our room. But that just isn't an option any longer. I do think you're right and that the problem is caused by separation anxiety because once in bed with us he sleeps soundly. But as I said, I'm not happy that it is safe.

ds was in with me til about 11 months, cot next to the bed. he went into his own room when he seemed to sleep better on his own, and has been absolutely fine ever since. maybe just let him back in with you for a little while and try again in a couple of weeks?

regarding the food, given his problems with reflux, maybe you just need to continue taking it slowly? ds is 16 months and is still fairly picky - no potatoes, pasta, meat!!! but he's healthy, gaining weight etc. this may sound trite, but if you stop worrying this will probably help you more than anything. they all develop at different stages.

You could sleep in his room, just for a week maybe, to build trust. Wean yourself off of it over the course of a few days Start out by spending the whole night there, then cut the time down. Might reassure him that he is safe in his own bed in his own room.

Eating - my DS was terrible so can only sympathise and tell you to try to give as much variety as they will accept. Despite all my efforts DS is now (at 4yo) one of those awfully embarrassing children who will only eat maybe 10 food items. I work on it all the time with him but it's just how he is. My DD (3yo) is completely different. Kids just have their own ideas about these things sometimes.

Tummy time - try something else, like a bouncer or one of those Jumperoo stationary things which will be upright and a form of exercise but without pressure on the tummy. all that reflux pain could be preventing him from wanting to ever give tummy time a try again.

HTH

Tummy time - if he has the slightest case of reflux now, he will find it really uncomfortable on his front so that could be why.

Sleeping - I think your instincts are right here. It seems to me that if you are having to stay in the room every night till he falls asleep, it is no wonder that the minute he wakes up and realises you are not there, he starts to cry. I'm not sure about labelling it as "separation anxiety". It sounds like more a case of him getting used to you being there when he falls asleep. I know so many couples who have made a rod for their own back by soothing their kids to sleep only to find that their kids then become reliant on them being there in order to settle themselves. If you're having to rock him to sleep you may as well have him in your room.

It's the age old conundrum of feeling bad about leaving a child to cry for anything more than a minute. Think of it another way. Isn't it just as cruel not to ensure that your child can settle itself happily rather than crying out of fear because you are not there in the middle of the night? I would suggest allowing your son to cry and at periodic intervals (say 10 mins) going in and giving him a cuddle then putting him down again. We went through the same cycle with both of ours and after a couple of tough nights, we've had interrupted nights (barring illness) with both of them from 3 months. Of course it may not work for you as no two kids are the same but I do agree with your instincts that it is best for children to learn how to settle themselves.