potty training

[mieow]

I am going to try and potty train DD1,3, who has CP and gobal developmental delays over the summer but would also like to train DD2, 21 months, is she too young, she understands the concept of the potty and can say wee and poo, but i am worried that she is too young. I want both of them dry and know doing it together is a good idea as they will learn of each other but.........I don't know.........mmmmmmmm

I wouldn't fancy training 2 at once You can give it a go and keep in mind that you can always giv up and try it later if it's clearly not working. Your DD2 isn't necessarily too young - a friend's DD was trained at 18 months (her 2nd is not so advanced though). It all depends on the child.

I've got DS2 (2.5) lined up for training in August but I don't really think he's ready. It's just convenient. I plan on giving it a go but am fully prepared to put it in hold for a few months if he doesn't get it.

Good luck!

If in doubt, wait a bit would be my advice. I also think that waiting for the summer holidays is a good idea, and pick some good weather. I waited until ds was 3 and he was done in a week.

I am very frustrated about my 4 1/2 year old. He was going wee wee in the potty at 2 1/2 but was a late start at poo in the potty. He has been fine for the last 7-8 months but for the last month every time he needs to go poo, he isn't making it to the potty in time. Each time is an accident. He is in preschool and will not be able to go again this year if he doesn't stop doing this. I told him he has to wear pull ups until he stops having accidents and he is not too happy abount this. I hope it will stop soon. Any advice?

mieow, this will make u giggle, i went to get dd2 out of the bathroom the other day, and found her sitting on dd1 toilet seat on the floor grinning at me. soooo cute and funny

mieow

21 months isn't necessarily too young. Our dd now 23 months has been very aware for over 2 months and , provided she is not wearing a nappy at the time, asks for the toilet for a poo. She hasn't got the hang of wee yet though but will always remove nappy or tell me as soon as she has done one. At least puddles dry quickly at this time of year .

You've got nothing to lose by trying for a few days with both - spend a few days at home or in the garden and wait and see.... I might give it a real go once ds returns to school in 2 weeks time and we have a quieter week.

mieow I am potty training my dd 3 who has global development delays and my ds 20 months has to go on the pot too! I am not really training him but if he wants to wee/poo at the same time I let him go on his pot. I bought one of those cheap ones from asda for him.

My 3.3yr old son has been successfully weeing in the potty/toilet/tree!! for 3 months now but I cant get him to poo anywhere but a nappy and if I encourage him to use the potty he just holds on to it and makes himself consipated I have tried telling him I will buy him a new 'Percy'(which he keeps asking for) when ne does but its not working when it comes down to going. Any Ideas?

Sam76, my 2y10m ds was not keen at all on potty training, and I expected the same sort of thing from him as you describe (also, he has had bowel problems virtually from birth, which had only just resolved). I used outright bribery. One day I showed him a box - with a lock! - full of exciting little treats, let him rummage a bit so that he would really want them, and then asked him if he would like to earn them. Wow did he leap at the chance! I told him that if he had three stars on a chart then he would have a reward, and that he would get a star for each time he did a wee or poo in the toilet or potty. It worked immediately, and he even went to the loo on his own to do a poo the first time he needed after we started. I even posted a rather excited announcement of this on the 'proud' thread - (there's no emoticon for embarrased grin). You'll know what your's will get excited about, but I used things like juice cartons, bits of train track, curly straws, little books, party favours, muesli bars etc.

Mieow, after my experience with ds I would say don't bother with your littler one unless she takes the lead. I first tried with my ds last summer at about 22m, he seemed very ready and aware, but really struggled. It's much easier coping with nappies than with a child who's not quite trained, however hard they try. And I think it may upset them too. It took 1 day to train ds two weekends ago.

I've just started potty training my 22 month old - a bit hit and miss at the moment as she only seems to tell me after the event! Mieow, give it a go and see what happens if it ends in disaster just leave it for a few weeks and then try again (i think that's what i'm going to have to do as the washing is getting ridiculous)

Mieow, both my dd and ds were totally dry by 2yo. DS did it by himself as refused to have a nappy on so I just laft him and we've never had an accident. It definately isn't too young and younger children love to copy their brothers and sisters.

The clue with really young children (IMO)is to be totally relaxed with them, if they are ready they will do it and if not you can't force them as they don't understand bribery or reason. It is one area where I have always been calmness personified and accidents etc have never bothered me.

DS (23months)at the moment will find any receptacle to wee in, eg a play cup or the back of his pick up truck, yesterday weed in a collandar they were playing with! Not very successful as you can imagine! He never wees on the floor so to me it doesn't mean he isn't dry, it just means he hasn't recognised that a potty is the appropriate place! He's very proud of himself when he comes into the kitchen carrying a cup of wee! Getting into the habit now of not looking for leaks in the ceiling when I find someting with "water" in it!

I am at a lose and not a happy lady
My son is 31/2 years old and not potty trained and we cannot not find a way to to get him trained.
We have tried all of the usual ways and the following with no success star chart, put him on the potty with a video, putting on the toilet every 20 minutes, leaving him in a wet or soild nappy(only to see if he would ask use to change him and only for a short time). Are latest try is to take a toy train away every time he does a poo in his nappy we have no train down now (26) and we are still going with his carriages now. He understands that if de does a poo a train comes down and some have but gone back up again. He is clever enough to under stand that it would be better to go to the toilet and can tell you why the trains are up their. Pleas has any one got any ideas.

Does he have any control ? What would happen if you announced that you were no longer using nappies in the daytime and he should use the toilet. I'm afraid you may need to have the courage of your convictions and just put up with the, hopefully temporary, accidents. If he has a real problem with control then perhaps you should visit the dr, he may just be a late developer or need some peer pressure or incentive to get him there.

hth

he has control so do not need doctor.

have tried nappy off no success he never asks to go and this is the same with pants.

Have even explained that he cannot go to school till he can ask to go to toilet and that is what all the children at school do.(he really wants to go to school to be with other kids). We have been cruel to be kind with no luck. and he understands.
it is just getting him to do what he knows he should do.

happylady, at 3 1/2 there is a good chance that he is able to use it to manipulate you. I truely believe as I said earlier that laidbackness is the key. If you are getting really stressed about it them perhaps you could tell him that he is acting like a baby like X (name a friends baby or your own if you have one) and if he wees/poos in his pants he will have to wear a nappy. My friend did this, it gave her the time out to chill abit about it and time for ds to make the descision to want to be dry. In this time if he asks for the potty tell him that he has a nappy on and that only big boys are allowed to use the toilet. Ask him if he wants to be a big boy.

Something that I read on another thread was that someone used outright bribery! This shoud work really well. She got a box full of "presents" let her child have a rummage to see what's there and then say that every time they use the potty they can chose something. Your ds sounds like he understands action and reaction so perhaps you could start with a box of swwets or really tiny things because you'll be giving out loads(!) and if it works move on to bigger things (pound toys, or the Happy Meal toys) for entire dry days.

I have known both of these methods to work. My dd is 3.5 and I really can reason with her now. In all likely hood he is using it to get attention.

What about promises of treats, "if you use the toilet/potty" until lunchtime we'll make cakes. DD understands when I cancel something because she has been naughty as long as I move the treat, eg, You promised that you wouldn't wake baby up, and you did so we are not going to feed the ducks today, we'll try again tomorrow" As long as the reward eventually turns up and the child understands why it is not happenning it really works.

I have re read this and it is a bit rambly, I hope it helps. You aren't alone but just remember that the more of an issue you make of it the longer it will go on.

Happylady ... I agree with runragged. If your little boy is over 3 and is articulate and understands things well then it is possible that he is managing to manipulate you (very successfully!)
Only a week ago I wouldn't have agreed with runragged at all and I would have thought it was a bit harsh but I have had my eyes opened to my own son's magnificent methods of manipulation ...
Here's the story ... might be a bit long but by now most of you know that ghosty can't cut a long story short!!
Anyhoo .... having very successfully potty (wee) trained DS at 2 and 11 months in 48 hours we continued to have problems with poo ever since. For months he held on to his poos until he had his night nappy on ... we did star charts and bribery and it did work but every so often we had relapses and it was a pain. Luckily my DS is fastidious enough never to do a poo in his pants but he got very good at ignoring the urge to poo and waiting for his nappy. The problem got worse when we got him dry at night. He began to hold on and hold on for days until he was so desperate that it was a mad dash for a toilet and he had twenty minutes to half an hour of grunting and groaning and crying because his bottom hurt.
It got to a head about 2 weeks ago when he went 6 DAYS without doing a poo. I was beside myself. I had increased his fibre, I increased his fluid intake (by going back to cups with lids), I begged, I cajoled, I bribed etc etc.
So as his next developmental check up was due I took him to the Plunket Nurse (the NZ equivalent to the Health Visitor) and after all his checks I told her the story (all in front of him). She smiled as I told her and she told me that basically he was having a laugh and having me on. I was shocked and a bit upset by her attitude and challenged her. She said 'Watch this ....' and turned to DS (who up until now had been an angel child passing all his tests with flying colours).
She said, "***, tell me about these poos then ..."
He in turn looked at her, narrowed his eyes and said, "I don't want to talk about it." He then turned to me and said, "Mummy, I don't want to be here anymore, I want to go home. I don't like this lady."
I was stunned. I could see that he knew that she was on to him! She basically told him after that that he was a big boy and that he knew what the toilet was for and that it wasn't up to Mummy anymore, that Mummy wasn't going to worry about it anymore. She told me to put the ball in his court and tell him when he complained of a sore bottom or tummy ache that it wasn't my problem and if he needed a poo he knew where the toilet was. She said all of this in his hearing.
Well, I can honestly say that after 9 months of problems and worry, it was sorted out over night. The last week has been bliss. I ignored his signs of holding on (walking on tip toes and lying down to have a 'rest' and when he complained of a sore bottom I said, "Oh well, you know where the toilet is." And he has gone to the loo without fuss every other day for the last 8 days. MAGIC!!!!!!
So what I am saying to you HappyLady ... and sam76 is if you can put the ball into their court. HappyLady ... if you can bear a few days of your DS having accidents and wetting his pants then tell him he is no longer having nappies and whenever he has an accident just change him calmly and tell him that he know where the toilet is. If control isn't a problem and he can communicate then I think you have to stand firm and let him see that this is the way it is going to be.
Sam76 ... your DS sounds like mine .... do you think the above story may be of use??

Oh my god ... can't believe the length of my previous post .... so sorry everyone ....
Like I said though ... I think the story of my DS had to be told in full to make my point ....

Thanks for all the advice and the story it was long but it made me think I am going to let my husband read all this and we can try and see if you advice could work. We will chat together and see what way to go. I am glad I am not the only one going crazy. Will let you know who we get on. My son is in for a surprise.

ghosty, don't apologise for length of post - really useful. My BF's little girl is going through exactly the same thing and I will tell her your experience to see if it helps.

Thankyou Ghosty for your story it has certainly made me think, I will give it a go

Ok then. Here's an odd one for you! DS is brilliant at wees in the potty - BUT only if he is naked from the waist down and only if he is standing. He will not sit on the potty - he is big for his age and I think it is uncomfortable. He loves the toilet and likes to sit on and flush the chain but never does anything in it and certainly won't poo in anything but a nappy. He starts preschool in 6 weeks (he is also 3 in 6 weeks) and they won't take him unless he is in pants. How can I get him to pull his pants down??? He just doesn't seem to get it.

dcolagirl - at 3 your ds is probably old enough to understand what you want from him, and to manipulate you (see ghosty's post). Forget the potty and go straight to the loo. Start him off in just briefs, and after he's got the hang of that move on to briefs and shorts. My ds knew exactly what I wanted him to do, and categorically refused. So I bribed him (see my post) and it worked perfectly. Have you tried bribery - sorry, it's not called that, is it - have you tried 'rewarding' him? But you've got to make him really want the reward first.

I have thought about it. Trouble is, Dh is a SAHD and isn't quite as determined as I would be so it is left to just weekends to move things on.

Ds does LOVE bananas - maybe that could work?? Or Bob the Builder stickers??

Yesterday he ran in from the garden because he KNEW he needed a poo but didn't make it and it went on the step. I picked it up (and tried not to gag..) and put it in the potty, showing him that that was where it was supposed to go.

This morning I heard him run down the hallway upstairs so he made it to the potty on time. I think he knows I want him to do 'something' but doesn't quite know what yet! His sister, 18 months, is VERY keen to sit on the potty so think she'll be dry before ds!

The other thing he has started to do is, as soon as he has finished weeing in the potty, he picks it up and tips it all over the floor. Bizarre. He has never done that before, just the last 2-3 days. I'm loathed to get my carpets cleaned just yet........

dcolagirl

As a tip for when he does start preschool dress him in loose elasticated shorts or trousers such as jersey shorts or joggers. ds went through a summer of refusing to wear smart one with button and zip even though they were loose because he found it so difficult to pull down in a hurry. Encourage him to dress himself in the morning so he gets used to the idea and give him the responsibilty for keeping them dry.

Agree you may have to go for some sort of "reward system" and probably skip potty for now (what are htey expected to use at preschool. If he is big for his age he could probably pee into the toilet standing at this age.

hth

Thanx Lizs. The preschool has tiny little toilets (sooooooo cute!). As as he is starting 2 October, the weather will probably required joggers

Will start with the 'big toilet' training on Saturday. Wish me luck!!!

dcolagirl, it sounds like your ds is trying hard (did you praise him for trying to get to the potty for his poo?), and at the same time knows that you have an issue over the potty-training and is trying it on with the tipping out. Or perhaps I'm being over-judgemental, perhaps he was trying ot take the potty to empty it in the loo? Or is it sticking to his thighs whenh e gets up? Anyway, sounds like it's definitely time to move on to the big loo. The Baby Bjorn seat is very good for confidence-building on the loo.