Experience mums please help!

[tryingtobemarrypoppins2]

DS 2:6 has been a very fussy eater since around age 1 after tube feeding/illness etc etc. Up until the last few weeks we have gone with the flow (for an easy life if I am honest) and feed him what we know he will eat. Nutritionally the dietition we see has been pleased although wanted him to say on 1 year plus milk to ensure his iron levels stay high and he keeps an appetite.

But I have had enough and have gone cold turkey. We all eat together, the same thing, offered, dinner then pudding, eat it or leave it, but thats all is on offer. Pudding is either yoghurt, homemade fruit crumble, fruit and ice cream or homemade fruit lollies.

Its now been 3 weeks and he has tried a few new things....well licked them but most tea times its "no, I don't like it, crumble custard now, CRUMBLE CUSTARD NOW!!!!!!!!" crying crying etc etc etc.

I make him wait until we have finished but he is crying getting cross etc.

Trouble is he looks pale, is eating less cerial/toast for breakfast but does has a good go at lunch around 12. He then sleeps all afternoon, most days 12-3:45! He then flops around all afternoon and is moody before tea. He is in bed by 7pm sleeping right through. He isn't finishing his evening milk either now.

What do I do!? Please help! We are seeing a speech and language worker at my request (speech is fine, but they also help with this sort of thing I have been told)and he has been loads better at nursery so think its a home behaviour.....worried though.

Stop giving him pudding!!

If he learns that there's nothing else then he should (in theory) start to eat. He's holding out, waiting for his pudding so he can fill himself up on this. He won't eat normal food until he realises that he can't do this. He's going to cry and beg, don't give in to him, just keep offering him his normal food. He won't let himself go hungry but he's not getting the nutrients he needs from the puddings.

Poor you. Anything to do with difficult mealtimes is exhausting and stressful for all of you. The afternoon sleep is very very long. Have you tried waking him up after an hour and a half, say, taking him out to do some more exercise to see if a bigger appetite encourages him to eat more at tea time? Or, if he is keener on lunch, give him a bigger meal then and still get him out and about again in the afternoon.

My kids are always moodier and more likely to fight if they don't go out in the afternoon as well as the morning. But I know there are no easy answers.

Sounds as though you are doing a great job. I'm sure DD1 still had an afternoon nap at this age and went to bed at 7 and slept through. Is he of good weight and health generally? I'm sure he's fine and simply flexing the usual control muscles and starting to say what he does and doesn't want to eat.

Children need to try things a number of times before they will actually eat it. If DD (3) says she doesn't like this/that I say well just eat what you want to and don't eat what you don't like - you're in charge - and she eats what she wants and tastes new things but often will take a while to eat them.
It sounds that you're going through normal stuff TBH. For breakast, have you tried porridge with honey? Sqeezy honey is good cos they can do it themselves (with supervision!) or dippy fried eggs & soldiers?

Is he fully over his early illness? If so don't be reticent about treating him like any other willful toddler!!
Lots of luck x

Stop giving him pudding wihtout eating the healthy stuff first.

Make sure he has a good run around everyday in order to work up an appetite.

Reward the behaviour you want with a sticker.

Invite friends who are good eaters around to act as positive role models. Or eat at other peoples house where there are good role models.

If he doesn't eat anything for a meal. Do not comment but don't top with a snack before the next meal. Wait for next meal and offer the family meal as usual.

What does he eat?

I think that you are in danger of making mealtimes a battle ground and making his fussy eating worse, tbh.

I really would not be trying to force him to eat things that he does not like. I know this is not always a popular view point, but it is not unusual for DC to have a limited diet. Especially if he had health problems as a baby.

I could write a book on fussy eaters after living with ds2. Your ds is young so nip it in the bud now

Firstly I would bring him to your GP to make sure there is no underlying problem.

Next, give him a good multi-vitamin.

Then, decide what you are making for breakfast/lunch/dinner and stick to it. Try not to offer things he doesn't like, but don't make special meals for him and something different for everyone else.

If he makes a fuss, IGNORE it! Tell him calmly that this is whats for dinner, nothing else. Then change the conversation. DON'T comment on what he is/is not eating, don't cajole or presuade him to have another bite, just let him get on with it. After a reasonable time, ie when you and dh are finished, take his plate away if he's not eating. Offer fruit, nothing else. Same at the next meal.

If you stick to your guns, he will come around, just don't give in and give him something else because you are afraid he will starve, the chances are he won't

FWIW, I do cooked breakfasts these days and think everyone benefits, pancakes, porridge, boiled or scramled eggs, omlettes, cheese on toast, etc. I work on the principal of breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dine like a pauper! Especially with younger children, if you get a good load of nutrition into them first thing it doesn't matter so much if things go downill from then on!

ummmm the pudding was my next step although the advice I got from the nutritionist and S&L was not to make any big deal out of pudding, as long as its healthy, give him two chances to eat.....but I think after 3 weeks I can say thats not working!!

Your right eating around his peers makes a massive difference....nursery has shown us that, but with a newborn now too, its tough to keep inviting pals over.

I would try his main meal at lunchtime but its lovely (well it could be!) having daddy home too for tea.

Do you think he is old enough now to understand the no pudding thing?

How do you get the multi vitamin in?? He would never take it of a spoon (have major issues with medicine so I have no hope).
VerityBrulee does that mean you and DH/DP don't eat together?? Just wondering how it works having a bigger lunch, lighter tea??

Doesn't help that he is really suffering with constipation since we went cold turkey either!

Well I am very lazy mean and we only have pudding on Sundays! There is always friut and yoghurt available but if you stop making pudding then that's that. You could make a fruit salad for pudding perhaps?

The main issue is with 'meal' type food. So he will eat sandwiches, cheese, hummous, bread sticks, goodies crisps, dried fruit, pouches, yoghurts, rice cakes, breads, baked beans, cerials etc etc but won't touch:

pasta, potato, MEAT!!!, vegetables, fruit (unless in a pouch??!!).

He has been through a whole lot of food play at nursery and will touch all these foods just not eat them.

He doesn't display any other ASD signs so I can safely say (I hope) that this is being a terrible toddler...nursery are pretty sure, but I could be wrong.

He is too young to do this.

At that age, my DS was not eating proper food yet.

Seriously. He eats a lot, just not what you want him to eat.

I would give him sandwiches etc plus a bit of what you are eating onto a plate and ignore him.

The more you make a fuss about it, the more attention you give him, the less he will eat.

You can get a lot of vitamins that look like sweets, might be worth a try.

My dc are all at school and come home starving and grumpy after a packed lunch, so they have their main meal then. Dh isn't home until after 7 or later which would be too late for dc. So we all only eat together at weekends.

Given his list of foods could you try giving him a familar breakfast and lunch, say beans on toast for breakfast, hummous rice cakes and yogurt for lunch, with a snack of dried fruit, then try to get him to eat 'meals' for dinner? That way he would have a decent amount ofnutrition bythen and dinner wouldn't be so crucial?

Would he eat raw veggies, carrot sticks, cucumber, etc. DS is not keen on cooked veggies but likes them raw. DD doesn't like fruit other than peeled and sliced apple but LOVES vegetables.

A tip I read on MN which has been a great success for us is to allow the dc to serve themselves. So I put the roast potatoes in one dish, carve up the chicken and put it in another, same with the veggies and every one chooses how much they want. You have to have at least one item from eash dish, so I would make surethere is always a vegetable that each child likes.

I agree with Mme L not to get too stressed out about this, but IME the longer you allow them to make a fuss about what they are eating the worse the problem becomes.

If you, ds and dh all sit down together, try to make it a chatty, happy occassion to look forward to. The food is there, you and dh are enjoying it, but he is not under pressure to join in. He can if he wants to, but you need to appear as if you couldn't care less. Otherwise it will all turn into a powerstruggle which is no fun at all

I did buy the vitamins that look like sweets, they said from age 3, but he wouldn't chew them which was annoying. Do you think I could mix extra vitamins into his toddler milk, I know that has vitamins but I don't think he is getting enough.

We have had some success with raw veggies. VerityBrulee the diet you describe is almost what wwe are doing so will keep that up.

Honestly we make no fuss at dinner time, just ignore him, but after 3 weeks I am sick of not being able to enjoy our meals, so much bloody effort goes into making them too, normally whilst bouncing with a newborn on my chest or breastfeeding whilst cooking!! (cue, HV on my doorstep!)

Give yourself a break! You're doing so well, making family meals with a young baby to tend to!!!! Sheesh! Perhaps there is a bit of attention seeking going on due to new sibling?

Keep going and don't let the little rascal dictate.

Regarding constipation - is he drinking enough?

Ok, so you have a newborn?

Really, I would leave it. He could be struggling with being a big brother, and having less time with you than before.

Start a thread with "fussy eater" in the title, you will be surprised at how many people have problems with their DC.

I agree with VerityBrulee-I came to it through trial and error. Take all emotion out of it and don't give him any attention over the behaviour. Don't serve snacks and do puddings at weekends-have yoghurt or fruit during the week.

You have a baby too

Then you are doing brilliantly. Honestly, just keep doing what you are doing, he'll get there. It is frustrating but take lots of deep breaths.

What if, when he starts his plea for crumble custard you say something like 'ds, this is what mummy has made for dinner. There is no crumble custard, just this lovely dinner. If you don't want to eat it then you can leave the table so daddy and I can enjoy our dinner'.If you and dh look like you are enjoying yourselves then he might want to stay at the table (but only if there is no crying). He may not eat anything, but you don't care. Eventually he will get to the point of eating with you even if it's only a taste of something, but it will take time. Don't expect miracles, it may be a slow and frustrating process but you are already on the right track

You will have to save the crumble custard until he is in bed, but all the more for you then [meany emoticon]

It is much harder with your own! He can tell a lot from what you don't say and he knows that you care.

Thanks so much for the support. He is drinking very little which is so frustrating and 100% causing the constipation.
I'm going to practice my "don't care if you eat it or not" face!!

Would he have a smoothie? If he like those fruit pouches he might drink them. Mine love the innocent ones, sugar is good for constipation, it ferments in the stomach and softens everything up, IYKWIM! Lots of deep breaths

If you let him help make a smoothie, and suggest things to put in, then he might be more amenable to the idea-you could even put a very small scoop of icecream in as incentive. Get a tall, thin glass. I think you have to be cunning!

ummmmmmmmmmm like that idea!! Great way to kind the IQ fish oil too??!!

I find fresh banana milkshakes go down well & are easy to do - well, if you have a hand blender/jug blender? OOh yes - and small scoop of vanilla on top with bendy straws!