Can a 21 month old CHOOSE not to talk?

[IlanaK]

This is my third child so I should be fairly relaxed about it all. And in one sense I am. I know not all children talk by 2 years old. I have a background in childcare and early years education so I know the facts.

However, ds3 is driving me insane. He is 21 and a half months old. His communication skills are excellent. It often feels like I am having complete long conversations with him. However, he is not talking. It is all through a few sounds ("ugh", "ah" are the main ones). He has two words that he will use: hello and mama. He has been saying both for a very long time. When he started to "talk" (around 15 months?) he developed about 10 words. He stopped saying all of them except the two I mentioned.

The reason I ask if it is possible that he has chosen not to talk, is that it really does seem like that. Not only to me, but to my friends that see him regularly. If I push him, for example while looking at books - "WHere's the car", he points, I say "car - you say car". He will point again at the car. If keep pushing, he will shake his head no at me, put on a grumpy face, hide his head on me, or sometimes hit me.

Once, I opened a cupboard and he saw a Noddy suitcase in there that he had never seen before (he is a Noddy fan) and he said as clear as day "Noddy". My two other sons were in the room and they heard it as well as me. It was like he was so excited that he could not contain himself. But he has never said it again since. He did this once in front of a friend too when I was not in the room with a different word (can't remember what she said it was now). I once saw him mouth a word with no sound coming out.

He does not babble sounds either. Everything is "ugh", "ah" and lots and lots of screams. If he is sees something exciting (car, bus, train, dog), he points and screams. If he wants something, he points and screams. It is driving us all nuts. And we do try to stop him. We tell him not to scream at us and he will make a softer more gentle "ah" sounds instead.

His understanding is excellent. I know he will speak one day. But in the meantime, it is driving us all crazy and also worrying me that he would CHOOSE not to speak to us.

Anyone else experience this?

I doubt he's choosing not to talk to you

DS had about 5 words at that age. His first word was 'thank you' at about 18mo, swiftly followed by 'scissors' he didn't say either again for about a year. By 2yo he was babbling quite a lot, but still quite hard to understand, by 26months I couldn't shut him up.

Don't worry - a friends kid is 7 months younger than my DS and for ages they were really similar with their speech - DS older DS is now speaking in full sentences, telling stories, making things up. He's 29mo.

It will come

Also - have you tried baby signing? Found it brilliant with DS - he could sign the basics when he didn't know the word for it.

It's a hard one to answer - the age is a little late for first words but not very late, a lot can still change. If you are relaxed about other development, communication, understanding and play then all you can is to wait a little longer but maybe insist he makes more choices verbally - wait til he says apple or orange when you offer juice (or whatever)

I am not sure about 'choosing' not to talk but my DS2 is quite similar although he is only 17 months old.

His babbling has always been more in advance of DS1 who didn't really start speaking properly until he was 2. When DS2 was about 12 months old he suddenly had an explosion of 10 words but now he rarely uses any of them and occasionally we will catch him (when he thinks no-one is paying attention) saying something like 'quack quack' when watching ducks on telly but refuses to do it when you ask him or draw attention to it - he just sits and gives a cheeky smile instead

The only words he uses regularly are 'mummy' 'daddy' a word which is his brothers name (even though it doesn't really sound anything like it) and 'bye' whilst waving.

I assumed it was maybe shyness or lack of confidence but, again, not sure if a 17 month old would have these?

We are going through something very similar with our 23 month old twins. They have said loads of words in the last six months or so which they just won't say again. They clearly have good hearing, can understand all our requests and instructions, but just don't talk. If you say cow, they can say moo, woof for dog, etc, but they will refuse to say the words cow or dog.

They do chatter to each other, though, in something that sounds like "bwee bwee bwee bwee" so they can communicate, just not with words.

Like you, we have wondered if they are choosing not to talk, but I really have no idea if that is possible. Don't have any advice I'm afraid - just wanted you to know someone else is being driven crazy in exactly the same way!

Like you say they will talk - there's nothing for it than just to be patient.

chihiro - that sounds very cute

Our Ds seems like he can't do things, like count, sing songs, jump then one day he will just do them perfectly. I think it's in his personality to want to do things perfectly and reflect on them and practice on his own until he is confident. It will be interesting to see if this continues when he is older (he is 3 now).

Thanks everyone.

We have not bothered with signing as he is perfectly able to get across his needs without words already. It's hard to explain, but he really does have excellent communication skills - both receptive language and his own way of "talking" to us.

I have tried to insist on him answering verbally when given choices. He just won't do it. I would be quite happy if he made any sound when asked - an attempt at the word. But he will not even try.

I think with twins it is well documented that they may talk later. Not sure what my son's excuse is!

According to my mum I didn't talk until I was 3.5yo and she was certain that I chose not to talk. I could communicate with her by just using "No" (I was a charmer! ) and "ja" if I wanted something, using body language etc and as she was a sahm I didn't need to communicate with anyone else iyswim. Like you say with your ds my mum said I understood everything and could communicate but without using words. When I did start to talk I spoke in proper sentances straight away so clearly had understood/been able to speak for ages but was an awkward so and so. Oh and speaking late didn't do me any harm I was always top of my class.

My ds is 13mo and no words yet so I'm waiting to see if he will take after me!

So I'd say it's perfectly possible your ds is choosing not to speak but of course if you're concerned then talk to the gp/hv and maybe they'll refer you

OMG! OP!

I could have written this... Infact, I did.. I started a thread earlier today called 'my 23MO will not talk to me'

Seriously, my 23MO WILL NOT TALK. I know he knows how, I know he hears, understands, comprehends, follows instructions...

WIll point out things in amazing detail... but WILL NOT SPEAK.

So, no advice, but will follow this thread and just to make you feel less alone!

Harimo.

Thanks. I have no concerns about his development so no need to speak to GP/HV. If it wasn't for the screaming as a way of communicating, I wouldn't care as he "talks" to us in other ways. The screaming is driving us all insane though.

My DS is my first.... so I suppose I worry...

My dd started saying words at about 9 months old. She could say about 20 words by the time she was 1, so she was an early talker. She then stopped talking pretty much.

I didn't want to seem like an over-anxious first time mum, so although I mentioned it to the health visitor, I just tried to overlook it. I was quite worried that she'd stopped talking, but as most of her peers hadn't even started saying words yet, I didn't want to make a fuss about it.

Anyway, at about 17 mo I took her to the GP as she had high temps and was poorly on and off for a while. Turns out she had an ear infection and long-term glue ear. The GP thought that was why she had started talking and then stopped again - she simply couldn't hear properly, poor little thing!

The glue ear has now calmed down, and at 19 months she is now starting to talk the hind leg off a donkey, saying sentences etc etc.
My advice would be to get his ears checked even if it is to just rule glue ear/infection out.