13 month old daughter won't eat at home

[MammaKirm]

I would love some ideas or advice regarding my daughters eating habits. She eats brilliantly at our childminders but when she eats with us at home she won't even try her food and cries and gets into a bit of a state.

She lets the childminder feed her with a spoon, but refuses to be fed with a spoon by us and wants to eat with her hands.

Until yesterday she would refuse all proper meals we gave her and cried until we gave her toast. She would end up eating toast for all meals.

We're not sure whether to keep giving in and giving her toast, or are we teaching her that if she kicks up enough fuss she'll get something different?

I have been worried about only giving her the proper meal and letting her go without if she doesn't eat it as she seems too young.

We all eat together at the table and I am confused to what this is all about given that she eats so differently with the childminder.

sorry to sound harsh but your right that she's learnt enough fuss= toast!!! and the more you try to not give in the bigger the fuss she's had to make - and guess what she wins so now she goes straight to overdrive to save time with the build up!!!

It is always a worry that'll children will starve if they don't eat but survival instinct will kick in before that happens.

I think its fair enough that she wants to try and eat independantly so peronally I would let her - time to get out the plastic sheeting!!!

Just try giving her her meal, eating your own and talking to her - but not mentioning food even when she eats. At the end say have you finished and if she has (regardless of whats she eaten)let her get down until the next meal

Perhaps ask the childminder what she cooks her and give her similar so she isn't having to also try new food at the same time.

Best of luck

The reason that your childminder is successful is that she doesn't get anxious about mealtimes so your daughter is not in control in her house. You just need to take control back in your own house.

For the next few meals just give her toast. Don't offer anything else. Don't take any notice of whether she eats it. When she's finished just get her down with a smile on your face and clear away. Make sure you appear not to care either way. Lots of chats about what you can see in the garden etc is good and make sure you're really enjoying your own food but don't offer it to her unless she asks for it.

The next stage is to give her something else she has eaten happily before. Do the same. Make sure you don't give any hint of wanting her to eat. Keep being chatty and smiley and totally unconcerned.

Once she realises that she has nothing to blackmail you with she'll give up and eat for you the way she does for the childminder.

Remember that you never put any pressure on and you take things away with a smile. If she goes without much to eat for a few meals she'll live. You need to sort this out before she gets any worse.

It is a lot harder than it sounds but it does work if you are consistent.

Does she like toast because she can feed herself? Will she eat any other finger foods?

I agree, she could be feeding herself at this age. Give her a spoon and/or finger foods and sit back. You can wipe the walls down later

Unless she has health problems, she is unlikely to starve if she doesn't eat anything at one mealtime, or even two. With babies/toddlers it's not so much what they eat in a day, but what they eat over a week.

Babies also have very small stomachs, so it may seem like they've hardly eaten anything, but it can be enough for them. I saw something once where it showed the size of a toddlers stomach being about the size of the palm of your hand.

You could try always having a familiar food alongside a new food that she can try of she wants to but no pressure. Keep offering her new foods and one day she will try it.

Good luck!

Thank you all for your help, some really good advice. She used to be such a good eater so hopefully just a phase and if like you say I am consistent and keep relaxed about it, it'll pass. Thanks ladies.

I'd say she not only could but should be feeding herself at this stage. Definitely don't make mealtimes an issue. I'd carry on giving her toast, maybe with some pieces of cooked broccoli or something similar (nothing she can choke on if she's not used to lumps) and let her get to grips with it! Nearly all babies of this age go through a 'living on air' stage even if they used to be good eaters, because they're busy trying to walk, talk and do a dozen other things! If you look in your red book you'll see there's a sharp tail-off in the weight-gain curves - because at this age they're fine using up some of the weight they put on earlier before they could move around!

I'd just give her lots of finger foods and leave her to it, not make a fuss. If she wants to feed herself, it's a good thing, imo, even if it's a bit messy.

FWIW my daughter only ate tiny amounts at that age (she is a good eater now, aged 2 and a half-ish) and would have probably been still been full up if she'd had a decent lunch with a child minder.

Hi, I'm new to mumsnet, but I've been lurking for a while.

I've had this problem with my DS who's almost 7 months old.

This only started last weekend, before that he was a really good eater. He'd happily sit in his high chair and open his mouth ready for the spoon. Now, he starts crying as soon as he's in the high chair, and keeps his mouth shut. He will take a bottle while he's in the high chair, and sometimes some food, but not a lot. The child minder says he eats really well with her, and she hasn't noticed any change. Sometimes he'll eat more if he has a spoon too, although there's no food on his spoon!

I haven't changed his food at home, so it's not new tastes that he's objecting too.

I am persevering in only offering only the food that's ready or milk.

Is this only a phase that he's going through? Could this be that he's trying to test boundaries (is 7m too young for that?)

7m could be a bit young to be testing boundaries but if you get stressed and try to persuade him to eat he's not too young to take control. Just be ultra-relaxed and don't push anything at all. Let him eat if he wants to and get him straight down if he doesn't.

DD went on spoon-strike at that age - refused to eat anything that she didn't put in her mouth herself! It did help if she had a spoon too, but even then it was a case of sneaking the odd spoon in when she was busy trying to eat a handful of yogurt... Lasted for about two or three weeks as I remember!