Ds (five) wets himself most days

[notsureatall]

DS1 was toilet trained at two and a half. All was well but after a few months he started to have a LOT of accidents. We got over that and then, a year ago, he started to do it again. He's now 5.

He now usually wets himself once or twice a day, mostly at home thoughs sometimes at school. It's usually a damp patch more than anything and when asked why he didn't go to the toilet either says he was having too much fun playing, or it's not his fault as he didn't feel it.

I have tried everything - sticker charts, getting cross, long chats explaining why it's important he goes for a wee when he needs it etc. I always make him change himself and point out that takes much longer than just having a wee. He also has to go the toilet before we go out anywhere, when we come home etc. I guess that has at least cut down the accidents.

I just don't know what to do now. I'm embarrassed when he goes to friends' housees and has an accident, as this often happens.

Would the school nurse be any good for this sort of thing, or not as it only happens rarely at school?

He is also still wet at night, though I am not concerned about that.

Can you have a word with the teachers and ask them to remind him more?

They are already aware of it and do remind him - luckily it doesn't happen too often at school. He says that's because the toilets are right by the classroom while at home he has to go all way upstairs!

How often does he go to the loo during the day and how much does he drink? Maybe he has a rather small bladder capacity for his age and an irritable bladder - ie it starts to leak before he's had much, if any, warning he needs to go to the loo and well before his bladder ought to be full, making it very difficult for him to avoid getting damp pants. Or he may just be holding on until it's overflowing, but unless you measure how much wee he's producing, you can't assume that. Whatever the cause, it's worth speaking to the school nurse about for advice. What is often suggested is to up the fluid intake during the day to 6-8 drinks and schedule regular trips to the toilet - ie every 2-3 hours (probably every 2 if he's drinking 8 drinks a day!!!!). That way, the bladder has a chance during the day to be stretched and he gets plenty of opportunities to learn what the signals mean that he is getting from his bladder, so that he learns to hold on more effectively and get to the loo at a more appropriate time. Also, rewarding the success as though it's pretty great instead of only what you expected is supposed to help. And knowing that you and he aren't alone - there are lots of 5-year old boys and girls out there with the same problem, and controlling your bladder is actually more complicated than it seems to a grown up who's been dry for years.

It's a frustrating problem, I know, and requires inhuman amounts of patience and understanding! I have one ds who has a very small, irritable bladder and is now old enough for me to understand it really isn't remotely deliberate or anything to do with not bothering to get to the loo, and one ds who has the most phenomenal bladder that seems capable of holding on for very long periods of time!

Thanks rabbitstew.

He probably goes to the loo about 5 times a day. Probably drinks about 5 times a day too.

He is physcially the size of a 3 year old rather than a 5 year old, does that mean his bladder capacity is likely to be smaller?

It could be smaller than average. I think a 5-year old's bladder capacity is generally expected to be somewhere between 180-210ml. My ds1, who is 6, seems to need to pee (ie get very uncomfortable and find it hard not to leak) anywhere between 100ml and 150ml, although he can occasionally hold onto a bit more than that. He really shouldn't be getting that desperate for the loo until his bladder has over well over 200ml in it - if, that is, he wants to stand a chance of stopping wetting the bed at night.

No advice, sorry, but I absolutely sympathise as my ds(4.5) does this too. It is really exasperating, though I try to keep calm as I don't want to make a big thing of it. It has been a bit of an issue at school and happens frequently at home.

Sometimes it's because he's engrossed in something, sometimes he'll say he doesn't feel it coming. Mind you I can see he needs to go, yet he'll claim he doesn't, so is it sheer laziness or his obstinance, I don't know. I'm really at the end of my tether with it. It feels quite socially unacceptable in a 4.5/5 year old, doesn't it?

I've run out of ideas and am considering seeing the GP about it. Also ds had an operation on his willy at 18 months (hypospadias repair) so I am wondering whether there's any connection. Will watch thread for advice.

My Ds (nearly 7) is exactly the same. It started at 4 and a half. He also rarely wets himself completely but needs 1 0r 2 changes of clothes a day due to wet patch.

He has had a scan and has a normal bladder. Sometimes he doesmt even seem to know he has leaked. Its like he isnt getting a strong signal.

It takes alot of patience and both myself and DH reach a point and get cross with him, which we feel awful about afterwards as it clearly doesnt work. Like you we have tried everything.

We are going back to Pead. in July as she wants to give him medication to help. She is concerned it might lead to self esteem problems if it carries on.

Sorry I have no advise, just wanted to let you know your not alone. Also the Eric website is very good.

My ds (nearly) 9 has had this problem too. He seems to just not realise he needs to go, or thinks he can hold on indefinitely and then has to run to the loo.

It is improving over time, and we have fewer issues now than we did 2 or even 1 year ago. I think you just have to accept that you are in it for the long haul. Just remind often and try to reinforce positively.