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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD has a very rude friend!

19 replies

julesrose · 30/04/2010 10:28

DD (7) is good friends with a girl in her class who can be fun though is often pretty difficult. When her mum picks her up from a playdate at ours she has a nightmare to get her to leave. The girl is frequently pretty rude and demanding to her mum - stamping her feet and being pretty bratty for want of a better word.
Anyway the other day she came back to ours and I was gobsmacked at the way she spoke to me - telling me to hold her stuff, insisting she had things her way, complaing about the amount of pudding she got plus constant moans and demands. I just had to bite my tongue as was a bit floored as to what to do. A couple of times I said can you please not speak to me like that, but it didn't really make any difference.

It'd be easy to say OK she's not coming back again but her and dd are good friends and I don't really want to make things hard between them. The last couple of days at drop off she's come up to me demanding my dd is allowed to do x,y or z or telling me my dd can't have something because she hasn't got it. TBH I've pretty much ignored her as it seems a bit much to start pulling her up on her behaviour at school.
What would you do?

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Pancakeflipper · 30/04/2010 10:31

I would tell her to leave the diva behaviour on the doorstep whilst in your home. Your home - your rules. Obviously say it with a smile on your face so you don't scare the kid to death.

Original poster

julesrose · 30/04/2010 10:33

Great idea - but what words would you use? I don't think she has any idea how she comes accross.

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pigletmania · 30/04/2010 11:18

I guess that i would tell it how it is to her. That when she comes to your house that she has to stick to your rules and that is how it is, show respect, speak nicely etc. You are the adult she is the child

kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/04/2010 11:55

You've just described dd's ex BF. They are both only children, although chunky is much more indulged than my dd. Chunk came to the flat about five times, with a shocking attitude which I had told her I found offensive. I had told her each time that I'd drop her off at home if she spoke to me like that again. On her last visit, she was so nasty that I did drive her home. Her mum was a bit shocked TBH, but, my flat my rules.

ihearthuckabees · 30/04/2010 12:01

kreecher, I don't think you should imply that bad behaviour may be connected to being an only child.

Good for you though for taking the friend home!

Eglu · 30/04/2010 12:02

You need to behave as if she was your own child. I know it can be hard, but if your DD sees her speaking to you like that and getting away with it, it could start problems with your DD doing the same thing.

As Kreecher says just don't take it and take her home if she is like that.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/04/2010 12:20

Sorry, that wasn't my intention at all. There is so much negativity surrounding only ism that I have really tried (and succeeded I think) in making sure my dd is a lovely little girl, unlike her chunky ex friend whose parents seem to think it's acceptable to be smacked by the beast little angel.

Original poster

julesrose · 30/04/2010 13:17

DD doeas look a bit shocked at her friend's attitude and knows I don't like it. She does at times say similar things and gets pulled up straight away. I'm worrying that at school, when I'm not there, dd falls into it a bit more. Would you speak to the teacher? They always say they want to know if there's anything bothering the parents.

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/04/2010 14:12

I'd speak to the teacher. DD and the chunk were in the same class for 18 months. When she moved into Y4, I asked that they weren't together. The teacher gave me a knowing look.
My concern was dd growing into chunkiness. She had already started spouting a few chunkisms (you can't tell me what to do, you're just my mum) that got my back up and I didn't want it to escalate. Wehn she found out she wasn't going to be with her for this year, she seemed relieved. If she wants to play with her at playtime that's fine (although due to chunk's overbearing attitude noboday does) so it's a win win situation for me.

MortaIWombat · 30/04/2010 17:02

Does chunky mean fat? Is it relevant? This is a weird thread, which I hoped would be useful...

Original poster

julesrose · 30/04/2010 19:10

Isn't chunky a character from a horror film?

Anyway today dd's rude friend walked past me as we were walking through a door - and shoved me. I said to her calmly please don't push me, and she walked on turned round with this gleeful smile as if she was pleased she got a rise out of me. I suspect this is how she treats her mum and as I'm familiar treats me in a similar way.
I really don't want to put up with it anymore but what to do?

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Spatchadoodledo · 30/04/2010 19:21

Have you spoken to her mum about it? Maybe if she realises that the behaviour is wrong to others she may see it in a different light?

mumbar · 30/04/2010 19:31

Got friend with dd's who can be the same. Often worse when we together as they know I don't approve. Breakthrough was the day one shouted rudly at me in public because her mum told her no and I just walked away with my DS. When she asked why (actually shouted demanding to know why I had gone away from her) I told her I would not put up with her speaking that way to me it was rude and unacceptable and she wouldn't speak to her teacher like that would she??? She said no but she's a teacher. Told her simply no adult would be spoken to like that and would walk away.

Anyway outcome is both still like it with mum but do not speak to me like it at all and when I have them for my friend they are the nice cheerful children they can be as they know they'll get my attention that way.

Like the driving home idea may use that if things get bad again.

Do think if you have concerns DD copying then speaking to her teacher will put your mind at rest.

I have had DS try to copy friends dd's. For example when I asked him to tidy his room he copied the ' you do it if you want it tidy' so a picked up a bin bag and tidied it!!!

She obviously thinks she can get away with this behaviour so I think you should make it clear that you are not a pushover and won't take it - and won't have her over anymore.

bamboostalks · 30/04/2010 19:36

I think it is Chucky in the film.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 02/05/2010 07:25

Just to clarify, the friend is solid rather than fat. DD used to say to me isn't X big and fat. I told her that wasn't kind so she challenged me to describe her. The only way I could describe her is chunky.

troublewithtalk · 02/05/2010 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notdirtyenough · 02/05/2010 20:20

I would also be firm with the your house, your rules. If she doesn't abide by them, I would do what Kreecher said and take her home. Disgusting way to behave and I wouldn't tolerate it at all. I can't stand children like this. Particularly when she pushed you, she knows what she is doing.

Original poster

julesrose · 02/05/2010 22:28

But then I'd have to have the big conversation with her mum, who'd be mortified her dd was behaving badly. I guess she knows what she's like at home but I don't expect she has any idea she can be like this outside home. And I think she'd get quite dramatic about the whole thing and god knows what the repercussions would be.

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GoingPostal · 03/05/2010 00:03

if you think her mum would be mortified, then perhaps it is the right thing to do to tell it how it is. some parents would refuse to believe their child could be capable of any poor behaviour so if you think she would take it on board .... when you say repercussions, do you mean for the bratty child or for your dd or you and the other mum?

in terms of her behaviour in your home, get tough and yes tell her she will be driven home early if she can't be polite / nice. that would be one way of drawing her mum's attention to the behaviour - you can tell her dd that she will be explaining to her mother why she's had to be brought home early!

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