How do you tell if your child is faking illness to get sent home from school

[OrdinarySAHM]

My DD (Age 7), never had a day's absence from school for the first two years but recently she seems to have had loads. The first time the school phoned and asked me to take her home was probably genuine, and then she had a week off for something else I knew 100% was genuine, but the other times, and now today, I am worried maybe she has just got a taste for being at home 'off sick' and is making it up.

She seems very happy at school and was eager to go back after her last bit of time off. She has a nice group of friends. She likes the lessons. She is well behaved there. I've talked to her about whether anything is worrying her and she says not.

This morning she said she had tummy ache but was then arguing loudly with DS (age 5), jumping around playing with paper streamers etc, so I thought she was well enough for school. When I asked her to get dressed she said "But I've got tummy ache", and I pointed out that she had been leaping about and looked ok to me, and she accepted it. Then school phoned me later and asked me to take her home.

On the way home she was smiling and wanted to tell me about a book she had just read which she found funny. She didn't talk about feeling ill. I asked her about it and she said she felt sick now rather than tummy ache. When we got in, I turned the tv on and said she needed to sit still and just watch tv to get better. Ten minutes later she asked me what was for dinner! I said "sick people don't normally want dinner, you better just have toast as anything else could make it worse". She wasn't very pleased but accepted it.

I'm trying to make being off sick boring by saying she just has to watch tv and do nothing else and just eat toast and drink water. I don't want her to see it as being an attractive option.

Do you think she could be making it up?

is she very tired? is she feeling a bit anxious about something? maybe she feels that the likes the 1 to 1 time she gets with you when she's home "ill"...

my 9yo ds had loads of this before half term...he seems to be right back to normal now....think the rest of lazing about for a few days did him good.

could you have a nice day together and spoil her on the weekend....maybe she'll open up to you if she's feeling close to you iykwim?

It's possible. Being at home with mum can be great fun! Have a word with school, they'll be less likely to call you straight away if they think there's a chance she's trying it on. It won't hurt to have her wait another hour if she's only mildly ill.

no tv! if there is any doubt as to wether they are ill or not, i say ''off to bed then, you can read a book if you want'' but no tv, or dvd or pc. if they are faking it, they may be less inclined to do it again if it so boring.
If they are genuinely ill, and recuperating, then tv etc is allowed..

She doesn't seem anxious Chimchar, although she could be tired as she has done a lot lately.

It worries me if she is doing it for attention. I don't want to give her loads of attention while she is off sick which might encourage her to do it again on purpose. I feel that she has had loads of attention lately from both me and DH, but the more she gets the more she seems to push for, eg by calling out til late when she should be going to sleep, asking for different things or saying she can't sleep or she heard a noise etc.

We really spoilt her last weekend when she had her birthday party and she will be spoilt again on her actual birthday soon.

I can't decide if she really does need more attention and that is why she would be attention seeking, or if she has had lots of attention but is being naughty and pushing and pushing seeing how much she can get and we have encouraged her by giving her too much.

I don't think it's a big thing. Don't panic!

Yes, I think I will do that Shaz. DD looks normal but would she if she was ill enough to not be able to cope with school? My friend said that she knew it was genuine when her DD's school phoned her last, because her DD felt so bad she just lay down on the floor! If DD was well enough to laugh at a book and also call her friend over to show her what she found funny, that doesn't sound very ill to me! If she was looking really pale and moving really slowly and not talking much then that would seem like she was ill.

Oh dear, I hope I haven't done wrong in putting the tv on Ellie. I thought that would be sufficiently boring and would make her sit still. If she is in her room she will mess about with her stuff and won't be still then. And if she sleeps she will stay awake all evening again.

i'm a teacher so am on the other end of this.

talk to her teacher, maybe there's something starting at school that she's not happy about but teacher is unsure/ hasn't twigged yet. explain your worries to whoever makes the decision to send her home.

i had one very moany child who was always ill as soon as you needed to do some form of assessment (i tested this theory by telling them about a maths assessment we'd do after play - i had no intention of doing it and told them i'd changed my mind after play time. the faker had already taken himself off to the office! after being absolutely fine). i'd send him to the office for a break and the office would send him back after 5-10 mins.

you can spot a faker by giving them the opportnity to get up to mischief. a sick child won't, a faker will and then you can make a note of it and if it becomes regular talk to parents.

Call me harsh, but in my house you have to actually vomit OR have a measurable high temperature to get off school. Which my boys know, so they are almost never off. IMO this is an excellent policy for junior school and I intend to implement it right through secondary school too, unless we hit (unforeseen at present) teenage emotional ishoos.

My DS had a spate of fake illnesses when h was 6-7. It turned out to be a problem with the teacher - he just found her very dull and boring, and the mystery illnesses suddenly disappeared when he changed classes to amuch more assertive and fun teacher

However, I would say a sure-fire way to find out if they are faking is to make them stay in bed with no TV or DS or anything - only books. Most fakers don't last long!

My alarm bells would be ringing. I would be asking why your child suddenly doesn't want to be in school. There could be some issue that no-one is aware of and she doesn't know how to approach the subject.

Make some quiet one to one time with no distractions, perhaps making something at the table together. Then ask her a few general questions about school and listen very carefully to the answers. If there is a hint of a difficulty, follow it up and let her know that it is important to tell you if she has a problem.

You could also give her a book to write worries down in because some children find that easier.

If nothing comes to light then bear it in mind and have a frank conversation about needing to know that when she says she is ill it is the truth. If she has a worry and thinks school won't let her come home she could become very anxious.

Acanthus, it's the same in this house too, but I've been called several times by school as one of them has decided maths is boring / science tests are nasty or whatever.

Some teachers are very quick to send them home at the first mention of a tummy / ear ache. I got called in as dd2's ear was red once, got there and I asked if it hurt, she said it didn't so I refused to take her home! nothing wrong with her, apart from a hot earlobe

DD's teacher is really good and really seems to get to know each individual so I can't imagine there is a problem with her, although it wasn't her that was taking the class today, so maybe she doesn't like today's teacher. There is one who she describes as boring and her lessons always being about the same thing and boring. Would boredom be enough for her to get herself sent home?

DD is getting on as well as ever with her close group of friends.

I'll try getting her to talk more about it but I don't think it is that.

I think it is to get more of my attention. The problem is that attention seeking behaviour makes me not want to give attention. It really annoys me. Anyway if it was for that it hasn't worked because she stayed in the lounge on her own watching tv and wasn't allowed to do anything else.

When DS came home from school and started playing interesting games, DD wanted to do that instead of sitting still on the sofa. She said she thought she was better now (miraculously after school had finished).

Thank you all for your thoughts

I agree that I think she's discovered it can be quite nice being off sick. Especially as she hadn't been ill and then had a week off.

My method was no TV, computer etc. Bed and books only. They hardly ever had a day off!

I was also like Acanthus - it had to be very serious to get a day off!

I just used to threaten mine with a doctor's appointment if I wasn't sure. Most times they'd start feeling better straight away.

My Mum was the same and so will I be - my sisters two do this often and she bows in to it. However they are 11 and 14 now th 11 year old (boy) just hates having to do any work and my sis is very soft with him but my niece oten gets tired - however because they have done it all of their lives they now do not understand that sometimes you can have a slight headache or be tired but you still ahve to get on with things. It's odd as my sister would never take a day off.

Speak to school though defintely, then they can help you. That is where my sister falls down she always just lets my niece go home but never actually says to school there is nothing wrong with her so can you please just keep her there!!

the trick is making being at home miserable.

my kids were ill they came home and went to bed, no games no tv, if they were sick or tummy ache they had the blandest tea - toast and water or something

they found school much more intresting.

besidexs if you are working - you cant go home every two minutes becuase a kid is ill - you will get fired, so you have to tell your kids that you simply cant do it and that they are to only tell the teacher if they are dying

I am also of the school of thought that they only get to stay home of they have a temperature or have actually vomited. We also have a standing rule that the sitaution is only assessed after he has showered, had breakfast and got dressed.

If at home, it is a question of stay in bed, and books only. Computer games and television are far too energetic for a truly ill child.

DS has a very good history of school attendance. But I have had to pick up a very poorly small biy from school on a couple of occasions, so may need to tone it down a little...

My mum was a teacher, I was only allowed home if temperature etc. But I did love being at home even tho' it was just bed and books and not much attention, just hot water bottle changes, occasional toast, water etc.

I had flu/horrendous cough once and had quite a while off, felt really viral for a while. After about a week Mum made my favourite tea which I woofed down "you're well enough for school tomorrow then". !

Mine have to have an impressive rash, a temp over 100 F or be pouring from one end or the other.....

They are all teens now and their attendance records are so good we have lots of certificates to prove it grin
DS1 tried a bit of lead swinging about aged 8-9 and once I realized I implemented the above policy. I've only had to pick up genuinely ill kids a couple of times over the years, and with DS1 the school nurse was great.. he'd go there, she'd keep him 10 mins and send him back to class

Totally with Acanthus- my kids have always had to be half dead before getting to stay home and they know it! DD had glandular fever at 16 and missed lots of school at a crucial time. Went back after a fortnight- I furnished her with a note explaining her exhaustion after she kept falling asleep in class. DS has always been a puker but doesn't feel ill afterwards so sick at 7 still means school at 9!
The kids who have this kind of attitude from their parents tend to go on to be the ones who make reliable employees IMO.

Is she in Year 2?

My DD is and the SATs are coming up in a few weeks - might her tummy ache be nerves related to this??