I think this may be a long post so I apologise in advance. I have a two year old son who has not had many chances to play with other children. We've visited toddler groups a couple of times but I'm always too worried to go back. At the moment I have a lot of anxiety issues and absolutely no confidence so I really don't feel comfortable and safe with going until I've discussed it first. I just don't know how to react to other people's children... The few times that I have been (it's usually to a surestart group by the way) I've noticed that most moms are watching their children and stopping snatching/hitting etc. But what are you supposed to do when it continues or when their parents aren't watching? I had no experience of children before I had my son and I don't know any other parents so I really don't know what is normal and what isn't.
I just get the feeling that he isn't enjoying himself very much there. He goes to a sunday school group with my parents on Sunday mornings and has a great time. The other children are fairly nice and it's all quite friendly because their parents all know each other anyway. He plays at the shopping centre once a week too but he's with his grandad so I don't really know what goes on there. A couple of the people at the toddler group we've attended seem a bit... rough or unfriendly. I've lived in this area for all of my life so have... experienced (?) some of these people before.
I was bullied throughout my school life so I know that I'm probably just being overprotective and letting my anxious thoughts get out of control. The problem is that my son has no idea of what to do when other children snatch or push him and neither do I! Most of the time the other parent steps in and stops it but sometimes they're not watching. Obviously, I don't want to start telling other people's children off when they're just behaving as children do but I don't know what to do. He just looks very upset and looks to me to do something. I feel almost as though I'm letting him down by saying 'Oh, it's not the end of the world' and moving him onto another toy when he was expecting me to do something about it. A couple of the children have really seemed not too nice and I got the feeling that their parents weren't bothered by their behaviour. My son is very well behaved for a toddler (I'm hoping he'll skip the mad tantrum stage altogether ) so he looks to me to get permission to take toys when we're out. I might have misinterpreted it though. It might be that he's far too 'wussy' (as my mom puts it) to just pick up toys and play. He does seem very aware of things that are going on and has only ever tried to take something a couple of times. I think he understands that other children are playing with the toys and just tells me that he wants it instead of trying to take it. So he seems very surprised when the other kids just take things from him. There was one case of him very nervously approaching a toy which he wasn't sure was being played with and asked if it was ok to take so I encouraged him to get it. Another girl a little older than him had heard all of this and when he finally reached for it she just stuck her hand in front of it so that he couldn't get it. Her dad was standing right next to us and said 'Oh play nice' in a couldn't care less kind of way and unsurprisingly, she didn't take any notice. I really didn't know what to do. I know it seems like such a minor issue and I feel like such an idiot for typing it out. I can see how it sounds! Please don't be too harsh on me.. I'm struggling with things at the moment and probably wrapping him up in cotton wool
The only time I've ever said anything to another child at one of these groups was when her behaviour was actually quite concerning. I don't know who usually goes to the groups so I didn't know whether she regularly visits. She was quite a lot older than the other children, possibly about 5, and I wondered whether she had learnng difficulties or had other problems when I noticed the things she was doing. The problem was that she wasn't being supervised by the woman she was with. The woman wasn't her mom and seemed almost.. too shy to say anything to her about it. A couple of times I saw her notice what the girl was doing but then look away like she didn't want to have to deal with it and felt embarrassed. I didn't see her smile once and she didn't appear to be having fun at all. She just walked around htiting other children and stopping them having fun. At one point she was following my son around and taking away anything he picked up, then teasing him with it by holding it just out of reach. I also saw her trying to trap other children's fingers and hitting another girl in the back so it wouldn't be noticed by her mom. It was really weird. I'm usually unsure about when to step in but she hit my son on the head with the toy she was teasing him with and her adult was taking no notice so I walked over and gently said that it's not nice to snatch things from other children and she must be gentle because he's smaller than her. I suggested that they share the toy and tried to offer another one but she looked absolutely terrified. I felt awful. She didn't speak at all, just stared at me. I really didn't know how to react. She nodded so I guess she understood what I'd said but I was really kind of upset by her reaction. She didn't move or do anything. I felt like I'd terrified her and I was trying to be very nice about it all. Then my overthinking brain kicked in and I was dreading the moment some other mom came over and told me that I'd scared her daughter and everyone looked and I'd never be able to go there again. Ugh. I know I sound insane when I'm writing all of this out but I can't control my mind at times. These feel like huge issues to me and I know that they're probably not. I dont even know whether that girl would be there again. But I couldn't stop asking myself whether I'd done the right thing. I felt like a monster! A little while later she pushed over a toy that a few of the kids were sitting on so they all fell and banged their faces. She also tried to hit a baby and then lay down on a baby mat herself and just stared at the baby's mom. Afterwards, I was playing a game with a little girl in the ballpit where she was throwing balls and I was trying to catch them. This 5 year old girl got in and played too but she seemed like she was trying to hurt me more than play with me. She was throwing the balls very hard and directly at my face. I couldn't read her face at all because she showed no expression. It was actually quite disturbing (for a worrier like me). I know that I wasn't the only mom there who was a bit concerned by her behaviour but they all seem so confident and seem like they know what they're doing. I almost feel as though everytime I walk into one of those places I regress back to childhood instead of being strong for my son. I've talked this over with my partner and he assures me that I'm being mad (as he often does) but I really don't think I can face going back there until somebody's virtually slapped me across the face and then explained exactly what happens in these awkward situations.
I'm sorry that there's such a lot of text and so little content! I hope I don't sound like too much of an idiot. I really don't want to be an overly protective parent but I think it's happening anyway