4yo pushed her brother down the stairs - wwyd?

[Lastyearsmodel]

My nearly 4yo DD woke us up this morning by pushing DS (2) down the stairs (from halfway, carpeted stairs up to her attic bedroom).

Her behaviour has been 'spirited' and 'challenging' since she was 18mo, but calmed down recently. This past fortnight, however, she has ramped it back up again and I'm running out of euphemisms. She can't stand her brother to have anything and takes it off him. She pushes him over, hits him and teases him ('you can't have this, ner-ner' type thing, learnt from nursery).

We do ignoring bad behaviour to a point, giving attention to DS when he's been wronged, etc, then time outs for more serious stuff or when I am losing it. I explain that we don't want unkind behaviour, we are nice and kind to people, all the positive stuff, but when she pushes him down the stairs, wtf do you do?

I'm pg with no. 3 and this is driving me to distraction. I suppose I feel like she's getting worse and I want to turn it round.
There are, of course, moments when she's lovely and kind and helpful, but there are whole days where it's as if she's going out of her way to be mean and hurtful.

Somebody, please, tell me if your DD was like this and how you got through it.

Have you tried things like reward charts - a sticker or something for every day or half-day she's behaved well, and so many stickers equals a small present/treat?

Do you get to spend any time alone with her - any chance you could do something fun together without your DS? It does sound like jealousy - she may be feeling a bit anxious about the new arrival? So some one-to-one time might reassure her.

And in the meantime, zero tolerance. Straight to her room for every bit of bad behaviour. She's pushing the boundaries, and you need to make it clear that they can't be pushed. It will feel relentless, but it will pass .

Thanks, Hassled, that's reassuring. Had forgotten about reward charts. One-to-one time tricky because the kitchen's being done and is in bits, so DP is doing that every spare moment and I'm fielding the DCs. And the upheaval is probably contributing; hadn't thought of that either.