1 and 3 yo siblings always fighting...I feel like a boxing referee - help!

[jgeorge]

My 3yo dd is constantly hitting, biting, kicking and attacking her 1yo brother and I've had enough. I have tried talking to her calmly, explaining things to her, asking her to tell me when there he is bothering her so I can separate them before the violence begins but it is not working. There are days when all they do is fight (today being case in point) and I am at the end of my tether. ANY clever methods for crowd control really appreciated because I'm seriously starting to think about boarding school. For both of them!!
Thank you!

IMHO it is impossible to reason with a 3yo in situations like this, they just lack the emotional maturity to take it in. My 4yo DD is just starting to be able to anticipate problems, but it's only about 1 out of 10 times (maybe less).

When my DDs (4 and 2) fight (or one is deliberately provoking the other) I have a couple of strategies, neither of which works all the time! One is to threaten toy removal - toys of naughty girls go in the naughty toy cupboard. Normally a threat is all it takes, but if they persist away the toy goes for as long as I deem fit (but never overnight for DD1 and never through a nap for DD2). The other, when I'm feeling particularly competent, is to get them both started on a separate activity, usually drawing as they both love it and it causes fewer rows.

And I haven't discounted boarding school

Less talking, more calm and quiet moving them into separate rooms. Action is what they really understand at this stage. (Which is the worst stage, IME, and mine are 9 and 11 now, if that makes you feel a bit better.)

xxx

Thank you so much for helpful advice!! Really appreciated. I think I have been expecting a lot of my 3yo, she seems so grown up in some ways. Strategies are just what I need, I feel like I've got to the knee jerk reaction stage, which I'm sure has made things worse.