Advice needed re: stairs

[realfreedom]

We live in a 200 year old farmhouse. The only staircase, located in the centre of the house, is an extremely steep (10 steps between the full height floors!) oak stairway with hardwood floors at the bottom. Changing the stairs is not an option as there is a doorway at both the top and bottom, neither of which can be moved (we really have tried to avoid this, LOL)

So obviously the stairs are gated. DS (23m) only gets to go up and down with me right behind him. He has been able to clamber up since about 9m, and down with constant assistance since about 18m. He would definitly fall if I were not there as I catch him at least once most trips. As his physical prowess is otherwise great, I expect this is simply due to a lack of practise. There are virtually no stairs anywhere else we go (ie. one or two at entrances, but no flights), including errands and relatives homes, etc., so I have no safe alternative.

I know that he is safer if he learns to use the stairs comfortably. But I am not sure how to accomplish this? There is only a spindle railing on one side, so a gate a few steps up isn't an option and I'm not sure what else to try? Having fallen down the stairs myself years ago, I can attest to the fact that he will definitely be hurt if he falls onto that floor.

Searching for mumsnetters wisdom, experience, and advice?

My stairs aren't particularly steep but they are marble-effect (something hard, on top of concrete), go round a corner (so narrow at one side) half way up and there are floor tiles at the bottom, so definitely been nervous of falls.

Have you tried teaching him to 'bump' down on his bottom? my 2 year old, who can actually manage the stairs pretty reliably if she can manage not to start messing about, still quite enjoys coming down that way (and makes me do it too, next to her. I think it must be an advantage to have a nappy; it is NOT my favourite way of descending stairs, especially these ones!)

We too have an old house and a stone floor in the hall. At some point I think you've got to let him do it on his own. Heartstopping I know but what's the alternative?

Why don't you spend the next week logging how much help he really needs. Back off a few inches and see how he gets on.

Agree with desert girl. You could help with technique. My DS goes up forwards but comes down backwards and hasn't fallen yet. - touches lots of wood.

at bumping down the stairs with your DD. A great idea though, as your stairs sound a little trecharous too! DS would never come down that way, seems to terrify him, and would never come down backwards either. Wouldn't try to come down at all until he was a confident walker. Not sure what else to do...

Kathy - sorry about the xpost! He would definitely fall if I just let him get on with it. At the top of the stairs, (like the top 3 steps), it opens up and you can see down into the rest of the house. It seems to distract him (though I'm sure he'd find something else if it wasn't that), and he usually stumbles in such a way that I have to catch him. So I can't imagine letting him get on with it just yet. Is that what you have done? Am I just terribly chicken?

Not wanting to cause your child to have an accident does not make you a chicken!

Carry on as you are. He is still really small. He will get better gradually himself.

I rather had it taken out of my hands. I'd left ds in care of dp. He'd left him on the hall floor while he nipped upstairs to the loo. When he came out, DS was standing on the upper landing. DP decided to see if he could go the other way so he went half way down the stairs and called him. DS climbed down after him. By the time I got home, it was settled.

I still hover a bit but so far it's been ok.

Thanks Fab, sometimes it is hard to know if I am being pfb about things (our friends' children are all grown but think perhaps memories are skewed by time - they all did stairs like that at a year apparently!)

I wonder what is the "typical" range where children can navigate stairs on their own?

Ah Kathy you must have been to hear that!

I live in an old farmhouse with steep stairs, a door at the bottom and a twist in the middle (narrowing the left hand side). I kept the top gated and followed dd up and down until I was absolutely sure she could do it on her own. If she had fallen, she'd have hit the wall at the bottom and then the door as they twist 90 degrees to the kitchen. She would have been v hurt indeed.

ShowOfHands, if you don't mind - how old was she when you stopped following her? Was your house/stairs the only practise she got? I am just hoping I am giving him enough opportunity.

My parents and ILs have stairs yes, but we go there every couple of months so it wasn't practice iyswim.

I don't think specific extra practice on stairs is all that necessary actually. Playgrounds, soft play, normal climbing, walking, balancing, pedalling, scooting, dancing etc etc all work on coordination, balance and agility which is all stairs are. If you allow him to explore and develop in all arenas, the stairs just become part of that.

DD was around your ds's age when I was completely happy with letting her do it alone. I did find that hovering made it worse sometimes. And she knew I was there so knew she didn't have to concentrate iyswim.

Yes, and thank you. Hmm, sounds like I'll just carry on as we are and watch his confidence with it for now. He is keen to climb everything else, so I guess this will come along in time... though not so sure about my nerves...