Really finding parenting my son so very hard...

[Littleblue]

He's had the 'ADHD' question mark over his head for a long time..still undecided apparently...he's 9 and has a very emotional temperament,not so much a short fuse..as no fuse at all!
Anything that goes wrong he always has to blame someone else..he's very very ard to live with and I get tired..i'm on my own with 4 of them,i work hard to make ends meet....tonight he hid away crying that he "doesnt get any respect"..I worry so much that he's turning out like his father and Uncle..both are abusive men.

Hi sorry I am no help but just want to give you a vurtual hug.

oh bless you...x

and a big MEDAL

Sorry to hear how you're feeling.

But - go easy on yourself and him - being on your own with 4 children who were perfect angels all the time would be hard and exhausting - so real, normal children, and one with poss ADHD, will actually be really hard. It's nothing you're not coping with I'm sure, it just IS really hard!

Please don't project on to him the behaviour of his father and uncle; he's a different person and he will not be abusive because he has YOU to love him and give him boundaries etc. Many children (maybe boys specially, who can be more emotionally immature, possibly ) are short of fuse and over emotional, volatile etc. I know my ds can be. So you're not alone and he's not by any means unusual.

Are the school helpful with managing his 'possible' ADHD? Why no diagnosis yet - has he seen Ed Psych?

Thanks for the medal ..
I'm not projecting on him the behaviours..he IS already showing the tendencies his father etc have...thank you,i'm trying to show him how much i love him by refusing to tolerate the extremes..hes a bright lad,and if i ask him why does he think im getting frustrated with him..he usually knows full well...
Boys 'are' usually less mature than girls their own age..thats not non pc..its fact

The school were rubbish last year..but this year he has a teacher who is fab..and is getting loads out of him..he was bullied last year too..its all stopped.He's hard work,he used to hit and bite himself..until i threatened to video it and post it on youtube..cruel maybe,but he was so horrified at other people seeing he hasnt done it since..

(love your name btw

Have you asked for a CAHMs referral?

Yes..wheels are turning real slow...

You really could do with seeing the positives to ADHD as all you seem to be hearing are the negatives and this is not helping your son.

I have ADHD/ADD and although livng with it can be a nightmare for my family as well as me, treated and with the right attitude it can be a positive thing. An asset. You need to check out this website and read up some more about this condition. People with ADHD have so many unique talents that can often be overshadowed by the negative traits, when untreated. Please don't compare your son to his relatives, this can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Did you know that Richard Branson has ADHD? Many successful, talented people have ADHD. Simon Cowell does. This is the attitude you need to be directing onto your son.

good post, TBOM.

Littleblue I didn't mean that you are somehow projecting your son's behaviours - I just mean don't predict an outcome eg that he will be an abusive man.

a child with SN who struggles with certain behaviours, does not automatically = an abusive man, is what I was clumsily trying to say. Just trying to, as TBOM did better than me, look to the positive in the situation

which to me, is that your DS has a loving mum who cares enough to work hard with him, give him boundaries etc etc. Good luck with the CAHMs referral, hope it comes to action soon.

Thank you both..I know ADHD can be 'channelled'..i believe Einstein was had it?..He's got so many positive qualities,i try really hard to reinforce these with him..i'm so proud of him when he pushes through his boundaries/fears with life...im just sooooo tired,its so hard dealing with him alone...he's volatile from the second he opens his eyes,til he closes them at night..i love him so much,but he baffles me!

...and thank you for the link...
He's so hypersensitive..he behaves so badly,then when told off hes so upset..he hates himself for his behaviour..i worry about his self esteem/depression long term...

b

Its looking like Aspergers..my friends son has it..and when she met my lad,she asked,carefully..if he had ever been assessed for it,knowing the problems.
She said he even has 'the look'
I'm not looking for a label/syndrome..I need to understand him,so I can be a better Mum,he baffles me

Aspergers is often described as being on the same 'spectrum' as ADD/ADHD, because the two do share a lot of similarities, so that doesn't surprise me so much.

Most of my knowledge here is slightly second hand and a little out of date, so please someone correct me, but I think it's the case that there's a theory a lot of children have elements of several of these conditions, including dyslexic/dyspraxic traits. So your friend could simply be seeing the aspects of your son that reminds her of her own.

My younger brother was diagnosed with ADHD in year 1, and my mum HE'd him because his school were useless, and I do recall that she had a very long battle. I learned a lot from helping her with him, and read up on stuff at the time - I also remember thinking that my brother had a lot of traits that were typical to Aspergers, though he has never been diagnosed as such.

My brother played a lot of video games growing up (he's 17 now, so part of 'that' generation) and himself has a lot of issues with his temper and lashing out, but as he's gotten older and a little better at expressing himself (he also has communication issues) he has revealed a really gentle inside. Anger issues can be worked on as long as the person is willing, and from the sounds of it, your son is. My brother has really come into his own in the last year or so after going out to college (the HEing did have the unfortunate effect of curtailing his social abilities a bit because he wasn't mixing with 'normal' children on a regular basis) but a proper diagnosis and better help now he is back at school have done wonders.

Don't let this get you down too much. I know from seeing my mum deal with my brother that there are good days, bad days and awful days, but there are a lot of positives too. Keep fighting for a full diagnosis, as help at school will help you at home, and don't worry abour him 'turning into' anything. Children learn from their parents, and it is you he will gain most from, because it is you who is there for him. He is not in an abusive household. That cycle is broken.

What a moving post..thank you.I rarely feel my shoulders are broad enough for whats in my life now..I wake with a "I didnt sign up for this" feeling.I dread waking him , although he's stopped hitting himself(cos i post his fave cat in his bunk to wake him)He still kicks off..snarling and sniping at everyone,even his ickle sister who he adores..if she tell tales he threatens her with his fist.
I'm really tired....'really' tired

LittleBlue have another hug from another mum with a difficult SN son. And TIRED too! what on earth are we doing up so late on MN then??
Just a thought, have you been over to the Special needs board...there are a lot of mums with similar issues if you are looking for advice at all. sometimes helps me get through

Ohh thanks lauree I will have a gander.
As for tiredness,i'm a chronic flipping insomniac..lifelong .