Toddler Groups - Advice please... :)

[sterrryerryoh]

I have an adopted DS who is now 8 months old - he has been with us for 3 months. Prior to his arrival, even though we have lived in this area for 10 years, we had very little to do with local amenities, clubs, activities etc - both me and DH work outside of the town and (before DS arrived) for very long hours, so used our home as a base, and did our socialising etc in other areas.
Now, I am off work for a year, and really want to start taking DS to some groups - but I admit to feeling a bit out of my depth. With him being 8 months old, I can't help but feel that the parents who are already at the groups will all know one another, and wonder why I haven't taken him along before. Whilst I am proud of having a beautiful adopted son, I don't really want to tell all and sundry that he's adopted for various reasons - it's his information and it will be up to him when he's older to decide who knows etc. Also, I don't want the fact that he's adopted to be his defining feature iyswim? It usually is, when we tell people he's adopted - that's pretty much all that gets talked about, and I'd like to go along to these sessions as a "normal" mum.
I suppose my question is about how these groups are shaped and what happens in them? Will I feel a bit outcast for coming along so late in the day (I'm ever so friendly, and will really join in!!) and is there lots and lots of discussion about pregnancy, birth etc etc? I think I just want a heads up on what to expect?
Thanks for listening. Hope I've posted this in the right place!

i wouldnt worry!! seriously,people turn up all the time to these groups,all at different stages

i recently started takng ds when he turned 2!

tbh the babies younger than 8 months at toddler groups tend to be younger siblings, so there are no worries there. I'd also shop around a bit as all groups tend to be a bit different. Also don't rule out the ones at churches if you are not religious, most people that attend are not "churchy" at all.

I was exactly in your situation in terms of not really 'lving' in the community before I had ds.

I didnt take him to any groups until 4 months - people who started at 8m wouldnt be considered odd or anything imo.

Just try lots of groups out, be open and friendly and choose the ones that suit.

I will say though that people often talk about where they had their baby etc at these groups as its 'common ground' iyswim so you might want to prepare yourself for those questions.

I've just moved area with my now 8 month old DD. I go along to a few groups and find the ones with mixed ages are better for me (eg 0-5 groups). The 'baby' groups are made up of people who already know each other from pregnancy or before as it is a very small town. People talk about a greater range of things at the mixed groups, not just their baby, so it feels a bit more social. I still go to the baby one though, just to give DD somewhere different to play. I agree - try a few to see.

Congratulations on your son, by the way!

I went along to our local one when DS was a few weeks old, twice, but then we didn't go back until he was about 18 months. There's a huge mixture of ages and stages, nobody will wonder where you've been these last 8 months, I promise.

I'm really glad that in the end I persevered actually, I know lots of people round here now and DS loves it. We have adopted kids, extended families, migrants, you name it and it's really friendly. Having the company of others who can identify with the stages they go through is really good. Go for it

Oh thank you all so much for your advice - you've really put my mind at rest. I know it seems a bit silly, but one of the reasons I've put it off so far is because other Mums have had their babies to bond with since birth, and know them so well - I didn't want to look like I was a bit unsure!! He's really attached to us now, though, and I have no further qualms on that issue - I think I'm just being a bit of a scaredy-cat!!
You've really helped, and I'm just off to phone the SureStart centre to find out what's on!
Thanks all very much!!

Try a surestart group. Although you see same old faces I see new ones each week. I go to 0-18 months stay and play group. You can socialise as much as you like or keep yourself to yourself and play. Congratulations on your new arrival. xx

opps just read your message re surestart

I think a lot of people dont start taking them to groups til 8 months or even older so I dont think you need to worry about that @ all

Agree with all of the above, so long as you're confident enough to walk up and start chatting to people it really won't be a problem Also bear in mind as in any situation it can take a good few months of going and having those slightly stilted polite conversations before you feel able to start swapping phone numbers etc. We moved to a different area when dd was 3 and ds was 1.5, I went to every toddler group going then stuck with the ones I found friendliest.

I went to my first toddler group when ds1 was 6-7 months. A few people with similar aged babies had been going for longer but I wormed my way in really quickly. You have to be quite direct because people won't necessairly know that you haven't been before and could do with a few introductions. Be prepared for the conversation to be a bit dull and baby related at first because people will still be establishing common ground outside babies.

Nobody will ask you where you have been for the last 8 months but they will talk about things like what hospital you gave birth in, who your community mw was, did you have a c/s or vaginal birth, how long your labour was, and all sorts of pregnacy related stuff (lots of people aren't back to pre pg weight after 8 months etc.) Not in a cross examination sort of way but generally in conversation over a few weeks. Maybe if you post in the adoption section people might be able to give advice on how to deal with stuff like that.

Congratulations sterry on your lovely new son.

As lots of other posters say people won't think twice about your ds being 8 months and not having gone before but pregnancy and childbirth is likely to come up in conversation.

I went to a new one this morning with ds who is 16 wks and actually felt a bit of a fraud as he is almost too young to appreciate it - well actually this isn't true at all but I am still unsure of things at times and he is my 4th!! (actually the more I have the more I doubt myself!. It was a churchy one but great - v friendly and had tea/freshly filtered coffee/fresh hot toast with toppings and cake all for £1.50 fabulous!

Good luck I always find the anticipation of walking in somewhere new worse than the reality.

Hey all - I have posted on adoptionUK to ask for some advice re how people dealt with those inevitable questions (as weloveyoumisshannigan listed) and have also spoken to a few friends that I've met on the adoption journey - but the difficulty is that something like only 2% nationally of adoptions are with babies under a year old, so there really aren't many of us around! I was thinking of just being a bit ambiguous if anyone chats to me about those things, but don't want to come across as aloof iykwim. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it, I think. I have got a friend who's just had twins, so maybe I'll take her along to deflect the attention! haha
Thanks again everyone, you've all made me ffeel alot better about going! I'll let you know how it goes

bb