My son won't talk at the CM's!

[noeyedear]

Hi,
My DS has been going to a childminders 3 days a week from the age of 10 months. He is currently at his second CM. He has not really been great with either of them, and doesn't speak at all when he is there. I thought he was getting better, but today he didn't do anything all day, just stood and looked at the other chidren playing, even when they tried to drag him over to play with them.

The CM had a visit from someone from the council ( I don't know who) who said it might be selective mutism. He's only 2 so we can't ask him whats wrong. She thinks he's punishing us for leaving him, but he's been going for ove a year now- surely he should have got used to it by now and realised I always come and get him?
I don't know whether to just take him out of the CM and look after him myself, but I don't want to do that and then find out the problem is worse when he gets to school, to put him in a nursery, or what to do. My DH thinks I'm worrying about nothing and that he'll just have to get used to it, or change CM, although he's aleady been changed once. I don't think it's something the CM is doing, I think it's a problem with him being away from me. Do you think a nursery environment would help or hinder? I was thinking in a nursery they would have less time with him so he may be forced to participate, but it may also make the situation worse. I don't know what to do for the best

I think you're right to check it out. You could talk to your health visitor about it. I can't believe he's punishing you if it's been over a year and changing childminder hasn't worked. My ds is 20 months and while he's not exactly loving towards his playmates and he's not thrilled when I leave him, he does join in.

Mine was exactly the same, though there I do think it was a problem with the CM; not that she wasn't very good, just that she wasn't right for him and he was a bit intimidated by her.

He didn't speak masses at playschool either and is still very quiet in the classroom (yr 5), but has not found it difficult to function socially and has made very nice friends. The teacher is working hard on getting him to participate and we are not really worried.

He also went through a phase around age 3 where he refused to speak English; I suppose it was a stage of selective mutism, but it hasn't gone on to cause major problems.