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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD doesn't like his Daddy -driving me mad!

8 replies

Jane7 · 20/04/2010 19:13

My DD (18 months) is going through this phase of wanting 'mummee mummee' all the time and crying everytime DP comes near her. The moment he gets back from work, she bursts into tears. Then during the bath (which DP has always done) she cries and shouts for me. Right now, she's in the bath crying. Not only does this make my poor DP feel a bit unloved, but it's also drivng me crazy. I end up doing the whole night-time routine, just to stop her crying, which when you've been on your own with toddler most of the day, is a bit too much. Any tips? Do children often go through this phase? When DP isn't there, she's always asking about Dadda and wanting to draw pictures of him, so I know she loves him really. I just think its something to do with being possessive over me and when she sees him, she knows that means I'm going to go off or try to leave them together.

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dolphin13 · 20/04/2010 19:23

No tips just lots of sympathy.
We are going through exactly the same but dd is nearly 3.
DH feels hurt and left out but also sorry for me because it does get you down.

I try to meet friends for lunch or coffee by myself. DD has a lovely time with daddy but it all starts again as soon as I get home.

There was a thread on her a while ago from a dad in this position. Felt so sorry for him but it's not uncommon.

sfxmum · 20/04/2010 19:28

DD went through a similar phase, I remember dh saying it was upsetting that she would not be comforted by him, still he kept plugging away and finding fun things to do together and they are really very close
dd is 5

the thing is when they sense tension and anxiety they do tend to 'fed' on it it is hard work but worth persisting with distraction

I sympathize with you wanting some relief too a few minutes make all the difference

BrokenBananaTantrum · 20/04/2010 19:33

I totally sympathise with you. I'm going through the same thing with my DD who is 3.8

She has been like this almost all her life even tho DH was a SAHD for 2 years.

I don't know how to get her to bond better with him

Original poster

Jane7 · 20/04/2010 19:50

Thanks for these reponses - brokenbananas that makes me think that some children are just naturally attached strongly to mum, whatever you do. You're right sfxmum, i think we both feel tense about it and sometimes DP tries almost too hard to entertain DD and instead this makes her cry. I used to be able to let DP do bed time completely on his own if I was going out or had to work, but those days have gone completely. I think she would wail for me the whole time and it just doesn't seem worth it

OP posts:

cory · 20/04/2010 22:42

And do remember that there is absolutely no guarantee that he won't have swung the other way in 6 months time or whatever, so that only Daddy will do. Fickle little critters they are. The clue is not to take it personally, but to stay calm and persevere.

twinmumplus1inthetum · 21/04/2010 14:01

Our twins did this when they were 2 1/2 and really didn't want DH at all. He found it very hard. We got around it in two ways. Firstly my aunt (who they see a lot of and are very close to) came out with something I would never have said myself but it made them think, she told them that they should be nice to their daddy as they were so lucky to have one and that my cousin (who they also know very well) doesn't have a daddy as he died. Strangely this didn't upset them, as I have said I would never have said this myself, but over the next week or so they kept telling me that they were lucky to have a daddy because not everyone does, and would my cousin like to borrow theirs for a day.
We also established special things that they only do with daddy - at the weekend they can have breakfast in their pyjamas with daddy - something they never do in the week, they can have hot chocolate at breakfast with daddy at the weekend, if daddy is back for bedtime stories they get an extra one ........just little things but they now call the weekend 'daddy no work horray days' and everyone is happy again.

Original poster

Jane7 · 21/04/2010 14:33

oh that's so sweet twinmumplus1 - daddynoworkhorraydays! my dd's a bit small to understand the first suggestion - although might be good later on - but she'd definitely respond well to the special daddy treats. thank you!

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bouncingblueberries · 21/04/2010 14:43

Went through a very long phase of this with ds - he even used to tell his daddy to go away and whisper to me that he didn't like daddy. We tried lots of things, but tbh, in the end he just grew out of it (or rather is growing out of it).

He's still very much a mummy's boy but now will insist on wearing a shirt just because daddy wears one. It is upsetting and can be frustrating, but like so many things, this too will pass

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