Toddler Rejection

[WrensNest]

Hi, this is my first time posting and its a long one - sorry. Am a mum of a 2 year old and have got to the end of my tether and am feeling very guilty. Both my hubby and myself work full time and said toddler adores daddy. I've read lots of posts about children favouring one parent when one is a full time carer or if both parents are in the same room. This is fine and I know that toddlers go through fazes of prefering one parent over another.
My problem is that even when dad is not around we have full on tantrums because he wants his dad. By the time we are getting up in the mornnig Daddy is already at work and I have to do the nursery run. When I go into his room he looks at me and says go away mummy and starts crying (first reaction in the morning!!) and will not let me touch him, dress him feed him or cuddle him. Won't let me read him a story or sing. Basically full on rejection (and no traditional distraction technique works) and then goes hunting round the house for daddy. When he can't find him he throws a tantrum. No distraction techniques I have found work, I've kept my cool, tryed to ask him why he is upset, on occasion showed him I am upset (if he sees a baby crying in a book he goes and hugs it, as he is a really gentle loving child - normally!!) - all the things I think I should do.
This morning I found myself shouting at him, crying myself and mandhandling him into cliotehs and into the car to get to nursery. I feel really bad about this and wonder what I can do in the mornings to get us off to the right start? Please help, I feel the relationship is going from bad to worse, my hubby is doing all he can but I just don't know what to do?

Perhaps that you have to do all the 'chores' such as getting him dressed and off to nursery means that Daddy is favoured as the 'fun' one? Do you make sure and play games etc with your LO?

Yes, I try where I can to make sure I am focusing on him but in the mornings I have to be bad cop and get to work too so there is not much time for fun. I do try to spend minutes with him reading stories if he lets me so we have time togehter.
I do feel I am always the one making him do things he doesn't want to do ie get dressed, got to nursery, eat, and go up to bed.

Could it be partly because he is confused and upset that daddy seems to 'disappear' while he is asleep? How much earlier would you have to get up to be able to say goodbye when your DH leaves for work in the morning? You'd probably get tantrums then too, but if you did it at least a few times it might make the world seem a slightly more logical place to a toddler, and reassure him that daddy doesn't just disappear, he leaves in the usual way and always comes back.

It might also help if DH did some of the non-fun stuff on days when he's not working, and you and DS take an hour or two to do something he really, really likes while DH does something boring.

I agree with expat re the non fun stuff, she just managed to say what I was thinking more eloquently

MY DS was v attached to his Daddy to the point of excluding me. At the time we both worked full-time but I worked away from home 1 or 2 days per week.

What helped was being on maternity leave with DS2. We re-established a strong bond and now he's more in the middle (perhaps a little preference for me).

As having another child may not be an option consider making more time for him and you eg reducing your hours, cutting down the time you are away, or moving jobs to somewhere closer to reduce communting time, picking him up from nursery youself.