DD (8) normal behaviour or ADHD/ASD?

[ChiefFairyCakeMaker]

I have had concerns about DD (8) since she was an overactive toddler, she has calmed down a lot since then (as you'd expect) but still has the following issues:

• she struggles to sit still eg. at mealtimes

• she is very easily distracted and has to be kept on task for everything eg. eating, getting dressed

• she can't follow instructions without several reminders

• she gets overexcited and can't calm down despite being asked to repeatedly

• she draws on herself and her clothes (it's llike if she has a pen but no paper she can't control the impulse to draw, she used to be the same with scissors)

• she is quite intense and oversensitive eg. the slightest criticism will cause her to storm off in tears saying "everyone hates me"

• she is aggressive towards DS(6) she used to bite him when he was a baby, now she hits him or spits at him

• she says she hates school, but is extremely bright and gets good reports

• she sometimes says she wants to run away because everyone hates her, other times she's happy as can be

What I wonder is - is this just normal behaviour or is there something wrong? I've read a lot about ADHD over the years and have always felt that she ticks a lot of the boxes but she's always been okay at school apparantly (emotionally immature they said) but the "everyone hates me" stuff is fairly new and seems to be getting worse, could it be her hormones?

I deliberately didn't post this in special needs as I wanted to see how many "normal" children display such behaviour iyswim

My dd is virtually the same, except for the drawing on herself and hitting sibling. She is an only child. DH refuses to see any oddness in her behaviour and her teachers report that she is angelic at school. It's just at home she is a monkey. Sorry I can't help.

Sounds fairly normal to me!

this would ring alarm bells for me actually. I have an 8 year old daughter too and am SEN teacher. Would you consider a referral to Ed Psych or similar?

watching this as apart from the drawing and agression towards the other dcs (although they all can fight like cats and dogs!), this sounds just like dd who's nearly 7.
Both DH and I have started to wonder if there's more to her behaviour than just an 'age thing' but we've never had anything but glowing school reports.
Makes us feel a bit sad as she often seems unhappy without being able to say why, but then can be incredibly upbeat - mind you, this is mainly when things go her way!

ds the same (but no drawing or hitting/ spitting beyond that normally expecgted with siblings... )

the gp said ds made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and referred to paed.

paed laughed.

gp prescribed ritalin anyway.

still no further forward tbh.

we've always known ds was a bit... quirky (he has some sensory issues with food, and still isn't reliably dry day/ night) but i'm not really convinced by the adhd/ asd label either. it might be that he's on one spectrum or another somewhere, but until someone has done a proper assessment i'm not feeding him meds, tempting though it is to see if it makes a difference.

(same gp told me that dd2 would grow out of her cerebral palsy by the time she was a teenager....)

oh, and the jury is still out with his teacher - when i told her the doc said adhd/ asd she said 'no way', but all i've had from every teacher he's had in the last four years has been 'goodness, isn't he bright? goodness, isn't it difficult to keep him on task?'

Thanks for your replies, glad to see she's not the only one like this. Yes the drawing and spitting are a bit odd. I've told her repeatedly that I will not tolerate spitting and given her time out for it but she continues. Hitting I can cope with but spitting at people is disgusting. I suppose it's lack of impulse control again.

Also, she has very little empathy, eg. if DS has hurt himself and we're comforting him she'll have a strop and say "it feels like nobody loves me anymore" or one occassion "BUT I NEED A PENCIL!"

Thanks for your advice hana I appreciate your professional opinion. Different teachers have said that she is over sensitive, emotionally immature and "the worst daydreamer I've met in over 20 years of teaching" at parents evenings, but they seem to cope with her well on a day-to-day basis as she's very bright and a lot better behaved at school. I'm not concerned enough to pursue it at this point, I guess I'm waiting to see if school mention it first.

Any more replies gratefully received (by me and madamy....)

madwomanintheattic - ritalin growing out of cerebral palsy your GP sounds unusual.

kreecher - my DH thinks there's nothing wrong with her either, but then she is a lot like him

fortunately, that gp left last month.

so, i'm trying to build up impetus to see the new (very) german one, who apparently is huge on alternative therapies but quite scary in a humourless and extremely professional sort of way... onwards and upwards.

Apart from the biting her sibling and the fact that she hasn't started school yet, that is DD.

My DD (almost 8) has a lot of these traits. She is apparently beautifully behaved at school and doing very well, but at home the poor impulse control, aggression towards siblings and distraction are very, very marked. The drawing thing in particular is interesting as I see none of the other posters have experienced this, but we have a big problem with this, she will draw on anything - herself, walls, furniture, bedding - she doesn't seem to be able to stop herself. We have also had big issues with road safety - we had several incidents where she ran across busy roads without looking which was absolutely terrifying.
That said, I have never considered she might have ADD/ADHD - just poor impulse control. The fact is that she CAN control her behaviour at school (and it sounds like your DD can too) and so I am trusting that her behaviour at home will eventually improve too.

TheFirstLady - interesting that your DD also draws everywhere, my DD will also draw on bedding and furniture sometimes, but mostly her body and her clothes. As I said she used to be the same with scissors - cutting paper into tiny pieces for no reason or her clothes, but she has grown out of that.

She's also a risk-taker and a thrill seeker, she's always been a climber - climbing all over the furniture, climbing trees, climbing onto the shed roof and jumping off . A lot of it is her personality, but when she's oversensitive and says that everyone hates her, it upsets me and I suppose I worry that she'll end up depressed. I guess I need to know how to handle that better - any advice/books anyone?