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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

pre-schooler innocent but inappropriate games

8 replies

JaneLondon · 19/04/2010 15:21

Hi all, this might be silly but i am hoping someone can provide some advice:

My preschool boy is the eldest of three (he is 3.5 with a 2.5yr old sister and a 3mo baby sister too). He has a wonderfully active imagination. Recently he has been on a number of play dates with friends from pre-school and has started to play the 'nappy changing game' whereby friends are persuaded to lie down and remove items of clothing down to the flesh. I dont know how the game concludes as I or a fellow parent become alerted when all goes quiet and question what is going on.

This has been happening over the last couple of months but he was caught in the act twice today.

I know this is an innocent game and likely will pass in time but find it quite upsetting that I cannot trust him to play unsupervised with friends. As the game has now become 'taboo' he seems to take any opportunity when alone.

At the moment I dont feel able to go on any more play dates and feel like i have to watch him like a hawk in the company of other kids. This isnt right for a 3.5 year old who should I should be encouraging to grow his independence.

Any advice? i dont want to keep telling off as this seems to only drive the habit further into secrecy?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AMumInScotland · 19/04/2010 15:29

Since you know that it is innocent (which it is!) why do you feel you have to forbid it and prevent them from playing it? Curiosity about other people's bodies is a normal natural thing, and doesn't have to be forbidden. Left to themselves, children grow out of it with no harm done.

If you want to do anything about it, then talk to him about some parts of the body being private, and about how he doesn't have to show anything if he doesn't want to and shouldn't make anyone else show if they are not comfortable with it. That's an important lesson for children to learn about their bodies. All you're teaching him by forbidding and preventing it is that bodies are something to be ashamed of, which doens't help his development.

pagwatch · 19/04/2010 15:30

My DD liked playing at being a baby and getting her nappy changed for a while. I just used to mine it and then burp her which made her laugh and she moved the game on IYSWIM

pagwatch · 19/04/2010 15:31

mime it...

Habbibu · 19/04/2010 15:42

If he has a baby in the house, then surely he's just re-enacting what he see you do all the time? You really do need to relax about this - it's not a matter of trust. Would you be uncomfortable if you found he'd taken the baby's nappy off (apart from potential mess!)? DD often takes off DS's nappy to "help" - don't know that she and friends have tried to play baby wityh each otehr at all, but can imagine them running around naked in the summer. Don't make him uncomfortable about bodies if you can help it.

Octaviapink · 19/04/2010 16:05

It sounds like you may be embarrassed about his behaviour and worried about what other parents will think? Was the game one of his own invention or did someone else come up with it? I agree with those who've said you shouldn't forbid it (instantly becomes a hundred times more attractive) or try to dissuade him - you could even encourage him to run around starkers if he'd like to now that the weather's nicer. Take some of the forbidden fun out of nudity! The only message to emphasise is - as MumInScotland says - that he doesn't have to show anyone else and he shouldn't make anyone else show theirs.

Original poster

JaneLondon · 19/04/2010 17:51

Thanks all for your comments - it was almost certainly his own idea and undoubtedly popped into his imagination as a result of recent newborn & potty training of his little sister.

nudity has never been taboo and certainly doesnt get a reaction / cause upset in our house so i suppose i just have to try and lump the nappy games (and whatever other related games arise!) into the nudity bracket and he'll find something else to do...

OP posts:

verybusyspider · 19/04/2010 20:28

My 3 ds's are ds1 almost 4, ds2 2, ds3 10months.
ds1 went through a keen 'helping' stage once ds3 arrived and wanted to role play with ds2. We ended up getting him (and ds2) dolls, and encouraging him to play (feed and nappy changing) with them instead explaining that babies wear nappies and need changing and bigger boys and girls have pants so its not appropriate to 'change' them.
amuminscotland has some good advice about explaining about parts of body being private

sailorsgal · 19/04/2010 21:36

My ds is 3.8 and I caught him and his friend playing a game of "tummies" a few months ago.

He is also obsessed at the moment with saying boobies, willies and bottoms. Today he said "mummy get your boobies out"

Luckily we were home at the time but hope he doesn't say it to his preschool teacher tomorrow.

Hoping its just a phase.

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