how independent is your 2.9 ish yr old?

[ilovetochat]

dd is 2.9 and although she can do most things hereslf still wants help with everything.
she can feed herself with a spoon and fork but often asks to be fed.
she can pull down trousers (struggles with skirts) and pants use the loo wipe and redress and wash her own hands but normally just stands there saying need a wee till we undress and put her on the loo.
she can talk clearly but often points towards the toilet instead of asking for it.
she wants me to follow her round the park unless she has a friend to play with.
at toddlers she wants me to follow her round each activity.
she can drress and undress except tops but rarely does.
she struggles with an open cup, asks for a baby cup, she often spills from an open cup still.
she often says she is a baby and crawl round saying goo goo gah gah, even when out which is embarassing.
she will refuse to say hello/goodbye/thanks in shops.

is all this ok?

sounds exactly like my 2.7 year old.

Perfectly normal as far as I am concerned, although maddingly frustrating when I meet friends who have far more independent 2 year olds, allowing them to have something called conversations with friends

All sounds fairly normal. Have you had another baby recently? I believe that can make some children regress to more babyish behaviour when they are capable of more.

Having said all of that, when ds1 was 2.9 he was very similar to everything you describe. He was very inconsistent, so he would be willing and sociable one day and clingy and stroppy the next

Even now some days for e.g. he insists I put his shoes on and other days he insists on doing it himself. I figure its all part of the crazy mind of a toddler

My dd is 2.11 and feeds herself all the time and has done for ages - just loved the novelty of the cutlery, however when it comes to dressing she pulls tops off when she feels like it but i think a lot of the time shes just being lazy just likes me doing it. I think i do, do too much for her and probably should have been trying to get her to dress herself sooner, but then again....she is only 2.11 and there is a lot of expectation to get them doing everything really early especially for nursery. My dd just loves my company, weve been together all day every day forever and she just loves me being there to watch her so she can please me with what she is doing. She can show good manners but a lot of the time with strangers just shys away and doesnt want to say hello.

some kids are very independent and thats great for them but all children are different, I guess all we can do is encourge them. Would your dd feed herself if you ignore requests to feed her?

she isnt really bothered about food so is happy to eat nothing so the threat of removing the food doesnt work.
she starts nursery sept so im worried about how she will cope. especially wanting me there all the time.

Sounds fine, don't worry. She'll get there eventually; and chances are she'll be happy to do some things at nursery by herself despite still wanting you to do them when she's at home.

DD is 2.11.

She insists on doing everything for herself. Without exception. We are allowed to do nothing for her.

Our life has contracted down to snail's pace. I wish she'd let me do things sometimes. Would be much faster.

i dont mid helping her but want her to be independent too and i wish she could play more than a metre from me

Exactly the same as my ds! We have said they are the same on loads of occassions but just today I was wondering why he refuses to dress nd undress himself, won't even attempt it. He can put his own shoes on and take them off but he refuses and asks me or dh to do it. Refused to be spoon fed as a baby (far too indeoendant) now he often says he wants me to do it cos 'I need help mummy, I'm your baby' .

DS refuses a baby cup though and would rather spill water all over himself than drink from a sippy cup. Yet milk at bedtime STILL has to be in a bottle (I know, I know, I really need to address this as he's 2.8 now but I kept thinking as it was only at bedtime he'd just grow out of it....no such luck!)

DS has to have me there all the time too, either to watch him or just so he has someone to argue with . I am also concerned as hestarts preschool in September and I am really not sure how he will cope, he has never been away from me other than with dh so basically he always has one or both parents around so I really do worry how he'll behave, especially being so dependant.

I was thinking about all this fuss to get them to be able to sip from a cup yet when they go to school they drink water out of bottle and milk through a straw - not a cup to sip from in sight!

bossy, what do you mean they drink from a bottle, like a sports bottle? dd can do that no problem.
hi meandjoe, yes our dc are similiar, dd is always with me or dp and occasionally my mom babysits about 3 times a year, im worried that dd will be upset at nursery as she is used to one on one attention. she is quiet round boisterous kids and im trying to bring her out. i take her to a drama class and she loves it but today at toddlers a boy tried to snatch a toy off her, she tried to hold on to it (as i have told her to) and he dragged her into the sandpit as she is so small and made her cry , its horrible to see her being pushed around.

Aww my ds is exactly the same! He is so shy around boistress kids and the second they start to push or snatch he just cries. I take him to toddler groups and soft play, also to my friend's houses with young kids but he is just sensitive. Very strange cos he is the most confident and bossy person around adults. I am also worried about ds starting nursey. I m really not sure how he will ope without me or dh constantly being there. He starts preschool in September and nursery school in January... way too early in my opinion but I guess in a way it might do him good.

dd is confident round adults too, if she can get a nursery nurse at the childrens centre or a librarian to sit and read to her or talk to her she is happy, she also likes older children who are less boisterous and talk more.
she starts nursery sept if i can get her a place.

Ds has just turned 3 and like your DD often wants me to do things for him that he can do himself- dressing, undressing, putting on shoes etc..

He goes to nursery once a week and playgroup once a week- here (once I am out of sight) he changes his own shoes, puts his coat on and takes it off, puts dressing up clothes on, eats like a pro ..... (I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, not that he knew I could see him).

In short he does things when he wants to- part of being a toddler possibly.

I tend not to make a big deal of it as I cannot (and wouldn't want to) force him to do any of this stuff. I do encorage him to be as independent as possible though.

I would also say that there are loats of kids at both nursery and playgroup who cannot do these things themselves and it is no big deal. The staff are expert at helping children settle as easily as possible.

Hope all goes well when she starts.....

oops: encourage not encorage, loads not loats

dd cant actually get on the toilet herself yet as she is too short even with a step but i presume nursery toilets are small enough, she would struggle with skirts and tights too so ive already noted she will be better in trousers.

My DD is like showofhands.

She's 2.10 and HAS to do everything 'on my own' because she's a 'BIG GIRL' as she will remind you every 2 minutes.

All good most of the time, apart from when we're in a rush to get out of the house in the morning and she insists on doing up all 6 buttons on her coat by herself. Any help / encouragement and she gets most upset...sigh.