What to do if 4-year old spits you in the face??

[Ninni]

My son turns five soon and has always been a dream. Never eally any 'terrible twos/threes'.

He is very considerate, collaborative and empathetic.

He has one little brother and has just had a baby sister in February. Recently, we have found his behavious increasingly difficult to handle. In between (most of the time) he is his usual self but suddenly he throws terrible 'tantrums'. He kicks, tries to bite, pinches etc. The other day during one of these, he spat me straight in the face. I was shocked!

I feel awful and we end up having a screaming match every other day and I feel I don't control the situation anymore. Also, I shout and am occasionally being more rough with him than I'd like to when I tell him off. -This is not the sort of mum I am/wanted to be!!!

Any suggestions how to deal with this, to stop the behaviour? Is it just a matter of 'another phase' while letting him know this behaviour is unacceptable, or anything else?

At my its end, please help!!

No way is spitting acceptable ever IMO, but could he be feeling a bit sidelined.

Can you organise an hour, maybe an outing just with him? When you've had a good time for an hour, sit down with him and explain camly to him that he must never spit at you again. Then do a deal with him that if he promises never to spit, you'll promise to find an hour every week that's just for him.

Sounds like the spitting is just another aspect of his tantrumming. Treat as you would any other tantrum. Try to calm him down and if that doesn't work then remove him to somewhere safe until he calms down. Keep going back to him to ask if he's calm yet.
Once he's calmed down and more himself then ask him what it was all about and explain why tantrumming isn't a good thing.

I wouldn't bargain with him or do deals. But I would listen to what he has to say that upsets him and try to find some solution to that for him. I'd also try to focus on him a bit more and see if I could find out what was causing him to get upset. It might be that he needs more attention or to be included more or something else.

spitting totally unacceptable.

think you should be nipping the tantrums in the bud when the occur rather than descending into rough handling and shouting match.

remove him straight away from the situation, tell him very calmly that if he behaves this way a toy will be removed for a fixed period of time and give him a chance to improve his behaviour. if he persists, follow through on the toy. if he calms down, reward him.

expect much protestation initially, but eventually he'll get the message if you remain calm, in control of YOUR emotions and follow through consistently.