WWYD - baby not so good in company!

[mistressploppy]

DS is just 6mo and really happy and smiley when at home with me and DH, or just one additional visitor, but gets a bit overwrought/upset when out and about with lots of different people.

I feel this is fair enough for his age, but wondered - would you get him out mixing with big groups of people as much as poss, to get him used to it, or avoid it (unless necessary, obviously) and ease him in gently?

No, I wouldn't do it as much as possible, nor would I avoid it, I would carry on as normal but try to make sure that he felt secure, like by always staying near him when he is playing on the floor, or taking him back if someone else holds him and he starts to cry. Maybe try a sling (one which lets him hide away, not an outward facing one) if he doesn't like the pushchair.

It's a bit easier once they start moving, because you can start off playing with them and then let them go off by themselves as they get more confident. But I am always one for letting them go at their own pace. He will get there

Thank you - I was afraid everyone would say OH JUST GET HIM OUT THERE, and really he's fine most of the time, just gets a bit and then a bit (no 'slightly worried' or 'scared' emoticon.....)

it might be seperation anxiety, although he is not seperated from you he just finds it difficult with lots of people.

i think you need to ease him into it. hold him tight when you first go out and just make it short. but definately do not avoid these situations.

Agree with BertieBotts. My DS was very like yours as a small baby; in fact, I still remember my panic as witnessing his total meltdown during my MN postnatal thread's first ever get-together. It took me an hour to calm him down enough to even breastfeed (and if you knew my DS as a baby you would realise how shocking this was ).

I did as Bertie suggests, just kept it calm and let him see that bigger gatherings were safe whenever we were in one, and now he is an unstoppably curious and sociable toddler

Not sure how you yourself respond to crowds, but both my DP and I are fairly 'small group' people, generally happier in calm surroundings, so I think DS does pick it up from us a bit.

My dd was like this at about the same age. Whilst I didn't avoid general everyday experiences (toddlers etc.), I did avoid taking her to parties where there would be lots of people she didn't know well as I knew it would be stressful for her. As adults we can choose to avoid situations where we feel uncomfortable and I didn't think it was fair to put her in situations she obviously disliked.

Now at 2.3 she manages most situations well and is quite outgoing, but still bursts into tears occasionally.

I would avoid putting the baby in situations with big groups as much as possible. You are not going to be able to 'train' the baby at this stage so it would be pointless stress for the both of you. It's about going with the needs of your baby - simple as that.

Oh I'm glad I read this; my baby is a bit like this. She's our first (possibly to be only...) child, so she has quite a lot of time with just me and out house is quite quiet - no rampaging toddlers etc. She also gets shocked quite easily by loud noises, especially if she's tired, and her bottom lip turns down and then she starts screaming and it's very difficult to calm her down. We do go to baby groups regularly and she's not too bad there - loves rhythm time actually - but doesn't like to have visitors at our house or to be at other people's houses.

Partial, that's exactly what ds does - bottom lip goes down at the corners, it's so funny but breaks my heart at the same time ! Ditto the loud noises. Because we went out so little in the first few months of his life (weather was so rubbish, we were snowed in, life was generally a bit hard), he is used to just being with me, like your dd.

My dd hated play groups or having lots of people round. She just didn't like it. I used to handle it wrong I am sure but would cuddle her lots. She is 6 now and would have been happy as an only child.

my little girl is just like this, she is also 6 months old and i feel really bad because I am not great with big groups but make myself get out there so that she doesn't suffer! I took her to baby yoga last week and within 5 minutes of the class starting she was burying her head in my boob asking for a feed even though she had not long fed...all the other babies were just getting on with it.

she is great one on one or out and about in shops in the sling etc.