Sleeping/Routine for 20 week old

[mrsbean78]

So, ds is now coming up to 20 weeks.
He is combination fed, but predominantly breast milk.. has one top up a day as his weight gain is pretty poor (born 8lbs 14, now only 13lbs). However, he is healthy and alert and achieving all milestones, and despite being reviewed for his weight, there doesn't seem to be any real health concerns.

However, ds is a BIG night-time waker/feeder. We were getting him down at 9.30 before the clock change, but it's gone back to 10.30 or so... We try to put him down at any hint of tiredness from 6.30 onwards, has bottle at this time but it's just NOT WORKING!!!! Some days, he'll have an evening nap.. most, he won't. There isn't a chance he'll do the self-soothing thing. Last night, I lay beside him silently for two hours and he lay silently in his crib with half closed eyes... and THEN started crying for a feed.. had a big feed of maybe 30 mins, then fell asleep. Woke up at 12.30, fed to sleep, then 2.30, then 4.30 and gnawed on the boob until 6.. if I even move away from him he starts screaming...

This was my boy who sttn at 9 weeks through to 14 weeks when he had a wee cold and ever since, this is it...I know some of it must be bad habit from then, as he came into the bed for the first time then, and he giggles when you pick him up from the cot and put him in the bed for a feed..

Help!

My dd fed every two hours through the night until she was 8 months... I really wouldn't bother lying next to him waiting for him to sleep - he'll just get used to you being there and fuss when you leave. Given his weight, I wouldn't stress too much about sleeping through - it sounds as though he wants the extra calories and is making up for lost time! You could try extra feeds during the day, and try to shift the emphasis of calorie-input to daylight hours.

So hard. struggled with ds2. ds1 slept through from 13 weeks and was a shock.
Are you very relaxed, non routiney ? do you like to go with the flow or do you want structure ?

try and up his milk during the day.
plus won't be long till food. might help. prob won't but hey !
try and cut down on sleep during day. very hard i know, but try. get him more active. more alert. stimulated during the day. to help with tiredness.
you may just have a 2 hrly feeder. lots of people do.
what about a strict bedtime routine ?
wait till you feel strong. talk to dh. then say, right we are going to go for this, full on. get him to agree to help you to do whatever it takes.
then .....
what about bath ? was not that pro it with ds1. every few days. but noticed that ds2 liked it.
so i thought. i'll try this. bath. pj's. to be fair i had ds2 in his own cotbed in his own room at this point. not advising it. just saying. so. into darkened room. after bath. sit down in lovely rocking chair. breast feed. sleepy. nearly asleep. laid him down.
didn't like it. but self settling is a hard skill.
BUT they say that under a year any problem can be cracked in a week. over a year it takes 2 weeks.
laid him down. left room. cried. went back in after 1 or 2 minutes. cuddled. or stroked whilst in cot. soothed. left. cried again. went back after 2 minutes max. i don't do babies crying. can't stand it. pains me. kept doing this. then he went. each night got less and less. after a week. sorted.
mind you there are zillions of threads on mn to help with 'sleep training'. different types of settling. check them out maybe.

i don't advise that Gina ford don't make eye contact nonsense. but i do think you need to instill that this is not the time to play. comfort him. but be firm. loving but no nonsesne.

does any of this sound good to you ?

I don't agree with keeping him up during the day, oblomov - I think at 20 weeks that's just likely to overstimulate him and make it harder for him to sleep. It works for toddlers but with babies sleep begets sleep!

oh thats o.k. just suggestions. you may not like any of them.

Thanks for the suggestions.

Unfortunately the only thing that seems to soothe him right now is a bit of boob, a walk in the pram or a drive in the car. Patting/shushing etc just doesn't work. His bedtime routine is: feed, baby massage, go in grobag, go to bed. We put him down, he SCREAMS. Seriously. SCREAMS. So we pick him up, try and make him sleep, put him down.. but then again, he SCREAMS. If he's not fully asleep, he can't be transferred from the bed to the cot. I've tried so hard to catch him at the point of falling asleep but as soon as he senses even a tiny smidgeon of movement, he grasps at me. He is constantly reaching out to check I am there.. his little hand goes over both boobs and up to my face if I move. Once he's asleep, we move him.. and on it goes. He can sleep for up to four hours once he has gone to sleep.. but no more.

Octaviapink, point taken about lying beside him.. just don't know how to break this feeding cycle. Have tried with a dummy but he's having none of it. He does suck his thumb to self-soothe in the pram but doesn't even try this in the cot.

Oh well. We got him down at 9.15 today so at least we're moving back in the right direction. If I could get him to sleep from 8 or 8.30 to 11 or 12 and then feed/get him back in the cot until 2.30 or 3 I would be so happy! Not even looking for sttn right now, just need a bit of evening back!